I have absolutely no freaking idea what I was thinking when I decided I wanted kids. I have less of an idea what I was thinking when I chose to adopt two kids whose biological parents were fucked up, drug addict, teenagers. In case anyone was wondering about that whole nature v. nurture issue, it's all nature. No matter what you do, if the kids have bad genetics, you will not change them. And one more thing, everything is genetic. And I do mean everything.
You think that you can raise children to be honest-you can't. Both my children are liars. They lie about stupid stuff, not even just to stay out of trouble. They will look you straight in the face and tell you it's sunny out when it's pouring down rain. Why? No idea. I have tried to instill in them for the past nine years that honesty and trust are the two most important things in relationship with other people. Apparently they do not give a rat's ass. I told my daughter in front of her counselor that I do not trust her out of my sight. Three days later she asks if she can go to the movies with her friend. No adults. Um, no. Why? Uh, because I don't trust you out of my sight. Her response, "whatever". So as you can see-terribly important to her. She was going to be ungrounded yesterday-she was grounded for her miserable report card-so what does she do? Doesn't do her homework so I get a note from her math teacher that she is missing three assignments in two weeks. Mind you, they did not actually have classes all the days of those two weeks. She had two field trips in there and they never have homework on Friday so we are talking about missing three out of probably six assignments. Do I ask her every day if she did all her homework? Yes I do. And what is her answer, every day? Yes. And will she continue with her nonsense bullshit next week, even though she will stay grounded forever because I just don't care anymore? Yes, she will. I am not supposed to ground her indefinitely because it "leads to feelings of hopelessness". Whatever. Guess what, the fact that no matter what I do my kids behave the same way day after day has led to my feelings of hopelessness. Join the freaking club.
While we are on it, school. So, you let your kids know from the very beginning that school is important. You make them do their homework, you meet their teachers, you participate in school functions. This is what you do so that your kids will succeed in school and understand that it is important. Right? Well, that's genetic too. I have miss"I'd rather be pretty than smart" for a daughter and "this is a waste of my time" for a son. Neither of them does jack when it comes to school unless we MAKE them. And I mean MAKE. Not just tell them go do it, no, that would be far to easy. There is screaming, yelling, threatening, punishments and of course they lie and if we want it to actually BE done we have to check every single last assignemnt. We can never just assume something is done because they SAY it is. No one can just DO their schoolwork and be done with it. That would make too much sense.
Today I tell my son, who thinks he is the smartest person in the house (Rob made him admit that he thinks he is smarter than both Alyssa and I) to wash a knife. He doesn't know how. Oh-so who helps him, his sister who he calls stupid at least 20 times a day. He is standing there holding the knife, rubbing it with a sponge, no water, no soap. I tell him he needs water and soap. "Where is the soap?" WHAT? You are kidding me. We have a soap dispenser built into our counter right next to the faucet. It's real hard to find as you can imagine. So I tell him but he doesn't know what I mean. I ask him if he is dumb. This is when Aly intervened and showed him. He is then pumping soap onto the knife-a knife takes a lot of soap you know, and that was when I lost it. He had been standing there, contemplating how to wash a knife for at least three full minutes. Yeah, he's the smartest one in the house. So I told him I don't know what he thinks is going to happen when he runs away (because he still threatens that at least once a week and I swear to god if he does I am so NOT looking for him) because he won't last a day because he is completely incapable of taking care of himself. So he starts SCREAMING at me to stop calling him a stupid idiot. Neither of those words came out of my mouth at any point. A screaming match ensued which ended with me literally trying to strangle him. It was bad. I realized, thankfully I guess, because I really don't want to go to prison, that I should not actually strangle him so I shoved him away from me and crashed into the refrigerator. I have to call Brandon's best friend's mom and tell her I took the mother of the year award away from her today. She was the current holder because she shoved her son into the pantry and then threw a glass across the kitchen and chipped her granite counter top. I think attempted strangulation trumps that though. Her kids are adopted and apparently they have bad genes too. Imagine that.
I then left the room and told Rob he needed to get rid of Brandon. He called Maribeth but she didn't answer so then he tells me that we can't get rid of him because we need to assure him that we are going to keep him. Really? I have been doing that for nine years and if that is what his problem is, it's not really helping anything. Maribeth called me back and I talked to her about it and she said she would take him but he has to go to school and all that and I suppose I can't really get rid of him. But I did tell him that if he was someone I was married to I would have divorced him seven years ago because he is mean to me and I would not put up with it. I am only putting up with it because I have no choice.
I have decided I am over him. He can do what he wants. He can carry on with his little "I'm depressed" routine and then pitch fits every week because he has to go to a counselor. Miraculously, on Thursday nights he is not depressed, Valerie is just a waste of his time. But the rest of the week he doesn't want to do anything and has trouble getting through the day because he is depressed. What he is is a big excuse maker who can't accept any responsibility for himself. Next time he runs away and gives "my mom ignores me" as his excuse, it will be true. Because I am going to ignore him. I really have been left with no choice.
He'll be 12 this year. I am hoping the next six years fly by because when he is 18, unless he can act right and take care of himself, he is out of here.
And there is my rant. I hate kids.
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