Motivation

Why is it that one week you can be completely gung-ho about something and a few days later just completely blase? I think for me it has to do with "that time of the month". Last week I was absolutely planning on using my three days off this week for spring break to do something useful and productive. That something was going to be finally paint my bedroom. I got new curtains and a comforter two summers ago for this project. I also got all new stuff for my bathroom. Last summer I finished stripping the wallpaper and started putting primer on all the god awful green trim that even though primered will take two coats of paint to cover. I then planned nothing for any of the days even though there are plenty of things I could be doing that involve leaving the house. I even got rid of my kids for two days.

When Monday rolled around I felt absolutely not at all like dragging out all that mess and starting to paint. I had scheduled my car for maintenance at 9 o'-freaking-clock just so that I would be up and back early and able to have the whole day to work on my room. I was home by 10 and did I paint? Nope, talked myself out of it, and it wasn't very hard. I wrote email and screwed around on the computer. I watched a DVD and by the time all that was done it was almost 5.

Today I decided I was going to sleep in since I have not worked since last Thursday yet have been up by 8 every single day. WTF! So I slept until almost 10. Then I went back into my weird writing trance that started the other day. I have written almost 4,000 words today, not that I am counting or anything. Then when looking for something on the Internet, and no, I am not telling what, I found someone's blog about said subject that was a freaking riot and I think I spent about the last hour and a half reading it. Highly entertaining.

My husband and children will be home any minute now. I have to say that I am not really looking forward to it. I like peace and quiet. I never get it. I am told that it gets old, I don't get to find that out though so it's ok. My children have been driving me crazy. I am trying to reach a state where I can just not care anymore. I have done all I can, I know that my mom just let me go and do my thing. Although I really never did anything until I was a senior in high school. I think that's why I can't do it. Alyssa is bad NOW so god only knows what she'll be doing in four more years. I've told her repeatedly that I absolutely, positively will not be raising any more babies that did not come out of my own body. Realistically I know that I cannot control them now because they are too old for that. So I need to just let it go and whatever happens, happens. Free will and all that.

My husband started in one of his whiny moods yesterday. I made reservations to go to Florida to see Stacy and Cynthia because I need a weekend away from these crazy people! So then he gets all bent out of shape, even though we had already talked about it. Now it has turned into this whole "we don't like to do any of the same things" (which is because he likes to do nothing) and "we need marriage counseling" nonsense. Ugh! I am not a bad person, I really am not, but I just cannot take needy. Please, get a grip. So after all that nonsense, he is messing with the computer and deletes all our music. So now, not only is he on his "my wife is going to leave me" bit, he's on a "I can't believe I am so stupid" bit.

Yeah, I like being alone. Now I am going to read my email, assuming I have anything new, which I more than likely do not, and go back in my trance. It's a lot easier than my real life. I will face up to the 10 phone calls I need to make in the morning and maybe one day this summer when I am not getting my period, I'll feel like painting my room.