Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sigh

You know the day is going to suck when you start crying before you ever get out of bed in the morning. My children are driving me insane. Everyone in the house is unhappy. I knew we were going to have to spend the day working on science fair projects, which are due on Thursday and as of right now (8:14 pm on Sunday) are not done. Brandon, of course, is all pissy about having to work on it over the weekend. He is supposed to be grounded anyway because of the whole MySpace thing so why it matters I don't know.

Alyssa is doing fine with hers. She is almost done. I took her to the library yesterday to enforce our "you cannot use the Internet at all" rule. That doesn't work all that well since libraries don't even get magazines anymore. So I said she could use the database, of course every computer they put us on did not want to work. We wound up doing it at home. I did a database search and printed out the articles for her to use. I am not sure that is punishment at all since I did her research but whatever. She was waiting most of the day for her last flower to thaw out but she has her research paper done, which is the hardest part of it.

Brandon has nothing done. Maybe his title page, but I think not even that. The formatting isn't right. So nothing. Around 4:30 I let him go outside because children with ADHD are supposed to get breaks. They can't work for extended periods of time. When he came in from the break he starts screaming about how daddy is a retard. What it came down to was that Rob was on the phone when he got home, he interrupted, Rob told him to wait. Then when he was off the phone he asked what was so important that Brandon had to interrupt him. The story Brandon told was that he said nevermind. The story Rob then came in and told me was that Brandon wanted to ask if the handlebars on his scooter were down too low. Obviously, not something urgent.

So Brandon is crying over this and screaming at me. So I started screaming back because I am sick and tired of his disrespect. Then he said "what happened to everyone being created equal" and I told him that doesn't apply to parent and child relationships, it doesn't even apply to children at all, and he just has to do what he is told because that's part of being a kid. He yells that he doesn't have to listen to me and he doesn't respect me. So I smacked him in the face. Then he said something else and I told him stop or I'd hit him again and he said "I don't care" so I smacked the other side for good measure. He started screaming more shit at me so I grabbed him and put him over my knee and spanked him. Then he jumped into a karate stance and threatened me. I told him I am not afraid of him and he continued to yell, "one day you will be You will be sorry." Rob told him if he hits me he would hit him back.

It's a lot of fun around here. Now everyone is acting fine again. The counselors tell us no spanking but everyone seems to behave much better afterward. I am starting to think Rob is right that they need a little bit of fear to make them behave. Talking sure hasn't helped.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

My Daughter...Yet Again

Have there ever been any parents who successfully defended killing their kids with a "they made me crazy" defense? Because my daughter is on a fast track toward being killed...by me. The school sends home test folders and communication envelopes on Thursdays. So Brandon gave me his test folder when they came home from my mom's, around 6. He had already told me that he had one bad test grade (which was a 78 and frankly is nothing compared to the bad grades his sister brings home) "here's the folder".

I was doing stuff and forgot all about asking for hers until about 9. So in the communication envelope there is a letter from the principal with a copy of an IM session between HondaHead95...which is Brandon's screen name...which he is not allowed to have (this follows the discovery of the MySpace accounts two nights ago which I did not even get into on here). So anyway, the content of this IM is that "he" was calling this other kid "gay" and "bitch" now it would appear that it was actually Aly using his screen name but we are going to get into that tomorrow, armed with a belt because apparently that helps Aly remember better. I'll get to that.

So there is a note from the principal to please call her about it. Now it is 9:20 so I call her and apologize for the lateness of my call, she's a former nun and the principal of a Catholic school, I suspect it's a little late for her to get calls. She sounded awake so and said it was ok so whatever. So I am telling her about the MySpace and the issues we are having with the computer, the fact that we weren't even aware of this account, the fact of the accounts we have made Aly close and she just opens new ones when she is at someone else's house. I told her although Aly does have an account she is allowed to have she has been grounded from it for quite some time and this was apparently done during the grounding, while they were at my father's house, after my father had gone to bed and thought they had done likewise.

So during the course of the conversation and me saying that we are at a loss, we see all these counselors about this behavior and no one seems to be able to help and nothing seems to work, she says "I thought Alyssa was just this nice quiet girl until the incident a few weeks ago with Eric." And I said "What incident is that?" "Oh, she was supposed to talk to you about it and she told me that she had." I said, "Let's make one thing very clear, Alyssa will NEVER tell me anything that will get her in trouble. If she ever does anything, you have to call and tell me. She lies." The incident in question is that she and Eric were caught french kissing in the library at school!!! What balls does that take, in 8th grade, in a Catholic school. I am more than a little upset that I would never have known about this had something else not happened that made me have to speak to the principal. I think they really should have called me about that, not trusted her to tell me. But that's another issue.

So I went upstairs to ask Aly what else she supposed the principal wanted to talk to me about and she said "I don't know." I told her she needed to rethink it and she shrugged. So I said "I will go get my belt to help you remember." Then I went and got the widest belt I own and came back in with it. The look on her face was absolutely priceless. Shock, horror, sheer terror. But suddenly she knew just exactly what she told me about. Her dad asked her if she wanted to be known as a slut since she's kissing in school where she is obviously going to get caught and since she has "my horny lover" posted on her MySpace page. I told her when she gets pregnant she better hope that boy loves her and his mom is willing to let her live there because she's not living here. I am ready to kill her.

So, currently she was told she is not allowed to go to the dance next week. Which she paid for yesterday, tough crap for her, she shouldn't have lied. She has to improve her grades and if I catch her lying one more time, no 8th grade field trip (which I don't want to go on anyway) and if I catch her lying two more times, no dinner dance either (which she already has a dress for). She is grounded indefinitely, even though the counselors have said not to do that, because she clearly doesn't care what the counselors say anyway. And she'll be doing her research for her science fair project at the library.

I am ready to kill her.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Pictures Again

Last night we went to a party for friends of Rob's parents. Here are some pictures Rob took and my comments on them. I am waiting for Maribeth's pictures, thus far there are none of me, which is good because I had three shots of Jager and three vodka and cranberry's. Bet's pictures may not be so good since she also had the shots and three beers. It was quite a fun evening.


This is John, whose birthday it was, he is 65. He is holding Roseann's baby, Izzie, who is a very happy baby and quite cute as well. She is five months old.












This is Ned...he is Izzie father...wearing her hair band. Usually he says nothing and is not all that much fun. But I guess he must have it in him. I am not sure how much he drank. He may have been over at the bar during the first round of shots I wasn't there then.










This is part of Maribeth, hopefully not taking a picture of me. And her husband Stephen. Just put this on here so you could see the infamous Stephen. I tell her all the time I don't get why she married him!









Lastly, two pictures of Kate and Mike, in the first one Mike is making "The Earl face" many of the pictures from last night have that because apparently that is the thing to do right now. Funny how Mike looks taller than Kate when in reality she is five inches taller than he is! In the first picture to the right of them is Roseann and Rob's mom.

















If Maribeth got any good pictures, I will post them later.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Motivation

Why is it that one week you can be completely gung-ho about something and a few days later just completely blase? I think for me it has to do with "that time of the month". Last week I was absolutely planning on using my three days off this week for spring break to do something useful and productive. That something was going to be finally paint my bedroom. I got new curtains and a comforter two summers ago for this project. I also got all new stuff for my bathroom. Last summer I finished stripping the wallpaper and started putting primer on all the god awful green trim that even though primered will take two coats of paint to cover. I then planned nothing for any of the days even though there are plenty of things I could be doing that involve leaving the house. I even got rid of my kids for two days.

When Monday rolled around I felt absolutely not at all like dragging out all that mess and starting to paint. I had scheduled my car for maintenance at 9 o'-freaking-clock just so that I would be up and back early and able to have the whole day to work on my room. I was home by 10 and did I paint? Nope, talked myself out of it, and it wasn't very hard. I wrote email and screwed around on the computer. I watched a DVD and by the time all that was done it was almost 5.

Today I decided I was going to sleep in since I have not worked since last Thursday yet have been up by 8 every single day. WTF! So I slept until almost 10. Then I went back into my weird writing trance that started the other day. I have written almost 4,000 words today, not that I am counting or anything. Then when looking for something on the Internet, and no, I am not telling what, I found someone's blog about said subject that was a freaking riot and I think I spent about the last hour and a half reading it. Highly entertaining.

My husband and children will be home any minute now. I have to say that I am not really looking forward to it. I like peace and quiet. I never get it. I am told that it gets old, I don't get to find that out though so it's ok. My children have been driving me crazy. I am trying to reach a state where I can just not care anymore. I have done all I can, I know that my mom just let me go and do my thing. Although I really never did anything until I was a senior in high school. I think that's why I can't do it. Alyssa is bad NOW so god only knows what she'll be doing in four more years. I've told her repeatedly that I absolutely, positively will not be raising any more babies that did not come out of my own body. Realistically I know that I cannot control them now because they are too old for that. So I need to just let it go and whatever happens, happens. Free will and all that.

My husband started in one of his whiny moods yesterday. I made reservations to go to Florida to see Stacy and Cynthia because I need a weekend away from these crazy people! So then he gets all bent out of shape, even though we had already talked about it. Now it has turned into this whole "we don't like to do any of the same things" (which is because he likes to do nothing) and "we need marriage counseling" nonsense. Ugh! I am not a bad person, I really am not, but I just cannot take needy. Please, get a grip. So after all that nonsense, he is messing with the computer and deletes all our music. So now, not only is he on his "my wife is going to leave me" bit, he's on a "I can't believe I am so stupid" bit.

Yeah, I like being alone. Now I am going to read my email, assuming I have anything new, which I more than likely do not, and go back in my trance. It's a lot easier than my real life. I will face up to the 10 phone calls I need to make in the morning and maybe one day this summer when I am not getting my period, I'll feel like painting my room.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

PMS

I just wanted to say that I am completely sick to death of PMS! It is so annoying. And the shortness of my cycle is also terribly annoying. By the time the whole mess is over, I have one week of peace before the PMS sets in again.

Basically, everything is annoying me right now and I feel like complaining! Argh! I am going to discuss this with my doctor. Guess I should get around to making that two month overdue appointment. Cuz *that* doctor is SO much fun. Bleh. It's right up there with the dentist. Who decides that's what they want to do with their life???

Sunday, April 01, 2007

I totally cannot stand my children

I have absolutely no freaking idea what I was thinking when I decided I wanted kids. I have less of an idea what I was thinking when I chose to adopt two kids whose biological parents were fucked up, drug addict, teenagers. In case anyone was wondering about that whole nature v. nurture issue, it's all nature. No matter what you do, if the kids have bad genetics, you will not change them. And one more thing, everything is genetic. And I do mean everything.

You think that you can raise children to be honest-you can't. Both my children are liars. They lie about stupid stuff, not even just to stay out of trouble. They will look you straight in the face and tell you it's sunny out when it's pouring down rain. Why? No idea. I have tried to instill in them for the past nine years that honesty and trust are the two most important things in relationship with other people. Apparently they do not give a rat's ass. I told my daughter in front of her counselor that I do not trust her out of my sight. Three days later she asks if she can go to the movies with her friend. No adults. Um, no. Why? Uh, because I don't trust you out of my sight. Her response, "whatever". So as you can see-terribly important to her. She was going to be ungrounded yesterday-she was grounded for her miserable report card-so what does she do? Doesn't do her homework so I get a note from her math teacher that she is missing three assignments in two weeks. Mind you, they did not actually have classes all the days of those two weeks. She had two field trips in there and they never have homework on Friday so we are talking about missing three out of probably six assignments. Do I ask her every day if she did all her homework? Yes I do. And what is her answer, every day? Yes. And will she continue with her nonsense bullshit next week, even though she will stay grounded forever because I just don't care anymore? Yes, she will. I am not supposed to ground her indefinitely because it "leads to feelings of hopelessness". Whatever. Guess what, the fact that no matter what I do my kids behave the same way day after day has led to my feelings of hopelessness. Join the freaking club.

While we are on it, school. So, you let your kids know from the very beginning that school is important. You make them do their homework, you meet their teachers, you participate in school functions. This is what you do so that your kids will succeed in school and understand that it is important. Right? Well, that's genetic too. I have miss"I'd rather be pretty than smart" for a daughter and "this is a waste of my time" for a son. Neither of them does jack when it comes to school unless we MAKE them. And I mean MAKE. Not just tell them go do it, no, that would be far to easy. There is screaming, yelling, threatening, punishments and of course they lie and if we want it to actually BE done we have to check every single last assignemnt. We can never just assume something is done because they SAY it is. No one can just DO their schoolwork and be done with it. That would make too much sense.

Today I tell my son, who thinks he is the smartest person in the house (Rob made him admit that he thinks he is smarter than both Alyssa and I) to wash a knife. He doesn't know how. Oh-so who helps him, his sister who he calls stupid at least 20 times a day. He is standing there holding the knife, rubbing it with a sponge, no water, no soap. I tell him he needs water and soap. "Where is the soap?" WHAT? You are kidding me. We have a soap dispenser built into our counter right next to the faucet. It's real hard to find as you can imagine. So I tell him but he doesn't know what I mean. I ask him if he is dumb. This is when Aly intervened and showed him. He is then pumping soap onto the knife-a knife takes a lot of soap you know, and that was when I lost it. He had been standing there, contemplating how to wash a knife for at least three full minutes. Yeah, he's the smartest one in the house. So I told him I don't know what he thinks is going to happen when he runs away (because he still threatens that at least once a week and I swear to god if he does I am so NOT looking for him) because he won't last a day because he is completely incapable of taking care of himself. So he starts SCREAMING at me to stop calling him a stupid idiot. Neither of those words came out of my mouth at any point. A screaming match ensued which ended with me literally trying to strangle him. It was bad. I realized, thankfully I guess, because I really don't want to go to prison, that I should not actually strangle him so I shoved him away from me and crashed into the refrigerator. I have to call Brandon's best friend's mom and tell her I took the mother of the year award away from her today. She was the current holder because she shoved her son into the pantry and then threw a glass across the kitchen and chipped her granite counter top. I think attempted strangulation trumps that though. Her kids are adopted and apparently they have bad genes too. Imagine that.

I then left the room and told Rob he needed to get rid of Brandon. He called Maribeth but she didn't answer so then he tells me that we can't get rid of him because we need to assure him that we are going to keep him. Really? I have been doing that for nine years and if that is what his problem is, it's not really helping anything. Maribeth called me back and I talked to her about it and she said she would take him but he has to go to school and all that and I suppose I can't really get rid of him. But I did tell him that if he was someone I was married to I would have divorced him seven years ago because he is mean to me and I would not put up with it. I am only putting up with it because I have no choice.

I have decided I am over him. He can do what he wants. He can carry on with his little "I'm depressed" routine and then pitch fits every week because he has to go to a counselor. Miraculously, on Thursday nights he is not depressed, Valerie is just a waste of his time. But the rest of the week he doesn't want to do anything and has trouble getting through the day because he is depressed. What he is is a big excuse maker who can't accept any responsibility for himself. Next time he runs away and gives "my mom ignores me" as his excuse, it will be true. Because I am going to ignore him. I really have been left with no choice.

He'll be 12 this year. I am hoping the next six years fly by because when he is 18, unless he can act right and take care of himself, he is out of here.

And there is my rant. I hate kids.