8th Grade " Graduation"

I keep threatening to post my tirade on the 8th grade "graduation" and I haven't done it yet. For those people interested enough to bother reading this, here goes.

First of all, when you are done with 8th grade, you have not actually graduated. Yes, you are moving on from elementary/middle school to high school, although in my area there is at least one school district I know of that has 8th and 9th grade in a junior high so I suppose even that is debatable. However, for the sake of argument, you're moving on to high school. Yes, it is a new phase of your educational life. It is not however, a graduation. You are not permitted by law to stop going to school at this point. And if you were, in the year 2007, what would you do with yourself and your 8th grade education?

But for some reason 8th grade graduation is now some huge deal. I could get started on a whole other tangent as to why I think this kind of nonsense is why "kids these days" get involved in things way too young. They don't have to wait for anything, there is nothing left to look forward to. Been there, done that. But that's a different tirade.

8th grade graduation is some huge deal. My daughter came home last week with a cap and gown. I have to press it before Wednesday when it has to go back to school to be there in time for the graduation pictures that will be taken this Friday, that I will be expected by my child to purchase. My child who will no doubt pose with her "emo face" that she is fond of using these days in her pictures. So I will not want these pictures. She will look ridiculous. She usually looks ridiculous in pictures that are taken when I am not there to say "stop making that dumb face".

Three weeks ago she started with nonsense about these pictures. The first week in January was "Can I have Sheila straighten my hair the day of the pictures?" How is this going to happen "She'll come over before school." Yeah, right, Sheila's bus comes at 7:05, no I do not need her in my house at 6 in the morning so she can straighten your already straight hair! Dry it with a blow dryer and a brush instead of wrapping it up in hair ties like you usually do. This went on for a week. Back and forth about the hair. Apparently the plan now is that Sheila will straighten it the night before. I'll need to remind Alyssa that we are not home on Thursdays due to her brother's counseling appointments.

The second week of January we moved on to nails. "I know you're probably going to say no to this. But can I get fake nails for my graduation pictures?" No, besides, you're not allowed to have painted nails at school. The principal has said that they can for the pictures and they can have them for the rest of the year as an 8th grade privilege. So we had to discuss nails for a week. The result of that was, "If you want nails, stop biting them." And now someone, I don't know who, is supposed to do a French manicure.

I think out of spite, if I do get any pictures, I'll get the ones with the cap on her head so that her nails aren't in the picture and her hair is covered. I am evil.

Last week we moved on to shoes. That's right, SHOES. When was the last time you had a picture taken where your shoes showed? We went through all this stuff with my brother and his family for family pictures for my mom where everyone was wearing the same thing, we had to go buy Rob a new pair of jeans. No ones' pants even show in this picture. And she is worried about SHOES! "Well, they are taking the group pictures too and our feet will show in that." Yeah, and the picture will be far enough back that no one will see your new white kitten heel shoes. That's what she wants, kitten heels. White, in January. Uh-huh.

So finally I called the 8th grade advisor and she said that yes, they are allowed to have the nails as an 8th grade privilege, but they have to be a neutral color. They can't be painted. What is the point of that? She agrees that there is absolutely no reason for new shoes. Then she tells me that the dinner dance is another story, everyone pretty much treats that like it's the prom. I am already annoyed about this whole thing. We are going to kill each other.

We got a letter that all 8th graders will need $500 in their graduation account. $500! What the hell is all that for? Alyssa says "caps and gowns and the dinner dance". Um, I know people who got married at the place they're having the dinner dance. With an open bar it's $57 a person. There won't be an open bar. I paid in the range of $50 last year for my cap and gown for graduation with a Master's degree-that has extra stuff with it, so...I repeat...$500?!

I have informed my daughter that if she thinks she is getting some gown and new shoes and god only knows what else for this dinner dance, she had better start saving her money and find some babysitting gigs. She was asked today to babysit every Saturday in February. I advised her that it would be a good idea for her to do so. She said she would. We'll see how that goes.

My husband thinks that for the dance we should let her get her nails done because this is a big deal to her. My feeling is that she has not done anything spectacular. She is skating through by the skin of her teeth, although she has been tested and I was told that "C"s are not reasonable for her, she should be getting "A"s and "B"s because she has a 120 IQ and a 12th grade reading level. She likes to point out that she did get an "A" on her report card. In what? Religion. That's right. The class that has no homework. One project a year which takes about an hour to do. The main thing they are talking about this year is chastity. So basically, boys-the only thing she IS interested. And I am supposed to be impressed that she got an "A"? She has never NOT gotten an "A" in religion.

How is it that this is the child I raised? I totally don't get it! I was not even a little bit interested in boys when I was 13. 13 year old boys are idiots, and they smell bad. I taught in middle school, trust me, they smell bad. I would not have wanted to bring my report card home if I had one "C", let alone nothing but "C"s. She thinks nothing of bringing home "D"s and "F"s, like "Why are you so freaked out about this?" This is a child who when she was 9 said "I'd rather be pretty than smart." I asked her what was wrong with both, because she could be both. Nope, we don't want to be smart. And she is sticking to it. She's going to be looking at eternal grounding. I see it coming.

Someone is going to have to move out of this house. And I think it may be me.