That's a song...sticking with the songs...it's the most appropriate one I can think of at the moment.
Yes Heather, you can just say "those poor girls". Lisa's aunt saw her oldest daughter and she was upset and when she asked her why she said "because my mommy went to Washington and is never coming back." Isn't that nice.
So the reason for my song choice is that Lisa called my mother and asked her if she would send her money! She is in Seattle and living on the streets. Gee, you don't say. Did you plan this out at all? What did you think would happen when you went across the country without a dime to your name, to go somewhere that you have no family or close friends, don't have a job lined up. So my mom said she was thinking about it but then she talked to Lisa's mom and she told her that Lisa called home last week and asked for money to come home. So she sent it to her and then she changed her mind and decided to stay out there. So my aunt told my mom not to send her any money. I just know she'll be calling me next.
She's ridiculous.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Friday, June 08, 2007
Crazy
Here is the Lisa update for all those interested...I got an email from Lisa on Monday that said she "ran into" Kendra who told her that I was having a hard time with Brandon. She (Lisa) is not allowed to see her kids anymore so she doesn't go home since it is too upsetting there. And she was thinking of going to see her friends in Austin, Texas.
So I responded to this email asking first of all, where one "runs into" Kendra. I then went on to say that I haven't talked to Kendra except for a very few minutes at her daughter's birthday party but I really didn't say much because I was too distracted by her ridiculous fake boobs to think of anything to say. I didn't know what she might have to say about me, but I know how things go through our family so whatever. I asked what was going on that Wally can prevent her from seeing the girls but I suspect she won't answer that.
Then I went to my mom's and I told her about this email and asked since when Lisa wasn't allowed to see her kids. My mom said that was new, she hadn't heard anything about that. The last she knew Lisa was coming to her mom's every weekend and seeing the girls for a few hours on Saturdays. Tuesday I got an email from my mom that was for Lisa that she asked me to forward to Lisa. I told her I agree with it completely, basically it said Lisa needs to grow up and think about her children and their future, but I gave her Lisa's email address and said she could send it so I wasn't in the middle of it.
On Wednesday I called my mom and asked her if she got the email and if she had sent hers on to Lisa. She said yes to both.
Then last night, Thursday, she called to tell me the update. She goes to see my grandmother on Thursdays and then has lunch with my aunt, Lisa's mom, so she found out what was up. Lisa is in Montana, on her way to Seattle because when she was in Seattle was the only time she was ever happy in her whole life. She called her mom to ask her to pay her cell phone bill because she can't pay it. Yet she can afford to take a bus to Seattle and where is she staying when she gets there? She was there around 1994, for a total of about three months. Her friend who went there with her moved to Georgia last year. Does she really have anyone out there now who is such a good friend she can stay with them? Whatever! That is really just my side commentary about that.
Anyway, she "ran into" Kendra at jail. Lisa was visiting her "boyfriend who's not her boyfriend" who is there because (so we're told) he violated his custody order. And Kendra was there visiting her boyfriend, who she told the family she is "done with", who she told Lisa is in jail for drug charges. Gotta love my cousins and their winner choices in men.
And that is all I know. My aunt is trying to talk to Wally about seeing the girls. She sent him an email and he responded that he wants to talk to Lisa but he also said that the girls have been asking to see her. You can tell his primary concern is the girls since they want to see their grandmother and he is still not letting them because Lisa won't talk to him. I think that's why she can't see the girls. She told him she won't talk to him unless it's about the girls and he calls her and text messages her all the time and she ignores it and won't respond unless it's about the girls. And she is completely right to be doing that. He totally wants to play head games with her. He has been doing this for three years, reeling her back in and then "nope, don't want to stay married", and he has a girlfriend so why should she talk to him about anything else? They are not divorced but they have already settled everything with property, debts, their stuff...there is no reason for him to bug her. If she had stopped talking to him about anything but the girls three years ago, things might not have gotten this bad. He is a serious head case.
I am waiting to see if I get a response to my email I sent Lisa or if my mom gets one. I think she'll ignore my mom's and I told her that. But she may mention it to me. It could be a while before I hear anything. She's in Seattle by now I am sure. I am still wondering why if she was so happy out there, like she always claims, she came back in the first place. But she never answers that question when I ask it.
So I responded to this email asking first of all, where one "runs into" Kendra. I then went on to say that I haven't talked to Kendra except for a very few minutes at her daughter's birthday party but I really didn't say much because I was too distracted by her ridiculous fake boobs to think of anything to say. I didn't know what she might have to say about me, but I know how things go through our family so whatever. I asked what was going on that Wally can prevent her from seeing the girls but I suspect she won't answer that.
Then I went to my mom's and I told her about this email and asked since when Lisa wasn't allowed to see her kids. My mom said that was new, she hadn't heard anything about that. The last she knew Lisa was coming to her mom's every weekend and seeing the girls for a few hours on Saturdays. Tuesday I got an email from my mom that was for Lisa that she asked me to forward to Lisa. I told her I agree with it completely, basically it said Lisa needs to grow up and think about her children and their future, but I gave her Lisa's email address and said she could send it so I wasn't in the middle of it.
On Wednesday I called my mom and asked her if she got the email and if she had sent hers on to Lisa. She said yes to both.
Then last night, Thursday, she called to tell me the update. She goes to see my grandmother on Thursdays and then has lunch with my aunt, Lisa's mom, so she found out what was up. Lisa is in Montana, on her way to Seattle because when she was in Seattle was the only time she was ever happy in her whole life. She called her mom to ask her to pay her cell phone bill because she can't pay it. Yet she can afford to take a bus to Seattle and where is she staying when she gets there? She was there around 1994, for a total of about three months. Her friend who went there with her moved to Georgia last year. Does she really have anyone out there now who is such a good friend she can stay with them? Whatever! That is really just my side commentary about that.
Anyway, she "ran into" Kendra at jail. Lisa was visiting her "boyfriend who's not her boyfriend" who is there because (so we're told) he violated his custody order. And Kendra was there visiting her boyfriend, who she told the family she is "done with", who she told Lisa is in jail for drug charges. Gotta love my cousins and their winner choices in men.
And that is all I know. My aunt is trying to talk to Wally about seeing the girls. She sent him an email and he responded that he wants to talk to Lisa but he also said that the girls have been asking to see her. You can tell his primary concern is the girls since they want to see their grandmother and he is still not letting them because Lisa won't talk to him. I think that's why she can't see the girls. She told him she won't talk to him unless it's about the girls and he calls her and text messages her all the time and she ignores it and won't respond unless it's about the girls. And she is completely right to be doing that. He totally wants to play head games with her. He has been doing this for three years, reeling her back in and then "nope, don't want to stay married", and he has a girlfriend so why should she talk to him about anything else? They are not divorced but they have already settled everything with property, debts, their stuff...there is no reason for him to bug her. If she had stopped talking to him about anything but the girls three years ago, things might not have gotten this bad. He is a serious head case.
I am waiting to see if I get a response to my email I sent Lisa or if my mom gets one. I think she'll ignore my mom's and I told her that. But she may mention it to me. It could be a while before I hear anything. She's in Seattle by now I am sure. I am still wondering why if she was so happy out there, like she always claims, she came back in the first place. But she never answers that question when I ask it.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Who Needs Love Like That
Since Beth likes my angry tirades I will write this right now while I am still angry so I can fully tirade about it. I just got home from having dinner with a bunch of women who were in my sorority. There were seven of us total. Several years ago, two of these women were my absolute best friends, Jill and Sheri. Without getting into all of it right now, Sheri and I haven't been all that close in quite a while-because she pissed me off. And I haven't talked to Jill as much recently as I did a few years ago but we were still pretty good friends. But tonight she pissed me off completely.
We were talking about college stuff, remember this person, remember that person, etc. So this one girl Jenni came up and everyone was saying how she "wasn't right". Then Jill said that she knew why she "wasn't right" and she lowered her voice to finish the conversation, so I leaned in and said I could not hear what she was saying. She ignored me, I thought she just didn't hear me since it was pretty noisy in the restaurant so I said "What are you saying?" and she looks at me and says "I am talking to Cathy, will you please knock it off." Um, excuse me, I thought we were ALL having this conversation. I didn't know you were just having dinner with Cathy. So that was number one.
A while later I brought up to her "Oh, you are keeping my dog while I'm on vacation, right?" I cleared the dates with her before I booked the vacation. At least two months ago. She said they were ok. So the response I get to that is "When is it?" and when I tell her she says "That may be a problem." Because she is going to see her sister in Georgia. I said "Well, ok, can she stay with Kurt?" Kurt is her husband, they've been married for 13 years, I have known them both since college, my dog has stayed with them several times. "No, I am not going to do that to him." So I said "I can ask him myself." Then I get this whole big long story of why it would be too much for him. Um, ok. They have three dogs and last I knew, 12 cats. Want to tell me why one more dog is going to break him!? He is a teacher also so has off during the summer. He bar tends at a catering place but doesn't have a full-time, everyday job in the summer. So now I am really peeved.
My dog is 13 years old. My dog has never stayed in a kennel. The only people who she has ever stayed with are my parents, my in-laws, Jill and Sheri. My mother will probably be in the middle of moving while we are on vacation. Rob's father does not like pets in the house-his own dogs did not come in the house. Sheri is in Canada at that time of the year. So I asked Jill. I thought this was arranged. Either of my sisters-in-law who might do it, are going on the vacation. My third sister-in-law will be on her own vacation. My father just got two kittens. So basically, my poor dog is screwed and is more than likely going to wind up staying in a kennel.
And then...strike three. There was a large party at the table next to us. When we were just about ready to leave they came and sang happy birthday to a member of the party, long story short, the guy is 95. So they are doing all these toasts and whatever. Sheri's father just died a few months ago, she is crying, it's very upsetting to her. So we resume our conversation, or I guess I should say that some of us did, Lynn and I were trying to talk to Sheri and calm her down. The 95 year old then stands up to talk and Jill is trying to hear what he has to say. I am talking to my friends who I am there to have dinner with and the next thing I know, Jill is shushing me again. First of all, it's very nice that this man is 95, whatever, I don't know him, I quite frankly do not care what he has to say. Secondly, and really, more importantly, it is what he has to say to his family this is not my business, nor is is her business so why the fuck am I being shushed like a kindergartner? Jill teaches kindergarten. Maybe she can't separate her home life from school? I always thought trying to hear the conversations at someone else's table was called eavesdropping and was bad manners.
So, I am pissed off at Jill. Really pissed off. I came home and told Rob. He is going to have to ask his parents now but the last time they promised to keep her, two days before his mom said "Oh no, we can't do it" and that was only for a weekend and that was how she wound up at Jill's the first time Jill ever kept her. So I guess we will have to look into the doggie day care. Did I mention that I am pissed?
Hence my song choice. With friends like these... All my real friends have cats and live in the city (or no where near here) so I can't ask them. And you all know who you are. ;->
We were talking about college stuff, remember this person, remember that person, etc. So this one girl Jenni came up and everyone was saying how she "wasn't right". Then Jill said that she knew why she "wasn't right" and she lowered her voice to finish the conversation, so I leaned in and said I could not hear what she was saying. She ignored me, I thought she just didn't hear me since it was pretty noisy in the restaurant so I said "What are you saying?" and she looks at me and says "I am talking to Cathy, will you please knock it off." Um, excuse me, I thought we were ALL having this conversation. I didn't know you were just having dinner with Cathy. So that was number one.
A while later I brought up to her "Oh, you are keeping my dog while I'm on vacation, right?" I cleared the dates with her before I booked the vacation. At least two months ago. She said they were ok. So the response I get to that is "When is it?" and when I tell her she says "That may be a problem." Because she is going to see her sister in Georgia. I said "Well, ok, can she stay with Kurt?" Kurt is her husband, they've been married for 13 years, I have known them both since college, my dog has stayed with them several times. "No, I am not going to do that to him." So I said "I can ask him myself." Then I get this whole big long story of why it would be too much for him. Um, ok. They have three dogs and last I knew, 12 cats. Want to tell me why one more dog is going to break him!? He is a teacher also so has off during the summer. He bar tends at a catering place but doesn't have a full-time, everyday job in the summer. So now I am really peeved.
My dog is 13 years old. My dog has never stayed in a kennel. The only people who she has ever stayed with are my parents, my in-laws, Jill and Sheri. My mother will probably be in the middle of moving while we are on vacation. Rob's father does not like pets in the house-his own dogs did not come in the house. Sheri is in Canada at that time of the year. So I asked Jill. I thought this was arranged. Either of my sisters-in-law who might do it, are going on the vacation. My third sister-in-law will be on her own vacation. My father just got two kittens. So basically, my poor dog is screwed and is more than likely going to wind up staying in a kennel.
And then...strike three. There was a large party at the table next to us. When we were just about ready to leave they came and sang happy birthday to a member of the party, long story short, the guy is 95. So they are doing all these toasts and whatever. Sheri's father just died a few months ago, she is crying, it's very upsetting to her. So we resume our conversation, or I guess I should say that some of us did, Lynn and I were trying to talk to Sheri and calm her down. The 95 year old then stands up to talk and Jill is trying to hear what he has to say. I am talking to my friends who I am there to have dinner with and the next thing I know, Jill is shushing me again. First of all, it's very nice that this man is 95, whatever, I don't know him, I quite frankly do not care what he has to say. Secondly, and really, more importantly, it is what he has to say to his family this is not my business, nor is is her business so why the fuck am I being shushed like a kindergartner? Jill teaches kindergarten. Maybe she can't separate her home life from school? I always thought trying to hear the conversations at someone else's table was called eavesdropping and was bad manners.
So, I am pissed off at Jill. Really pissed off. I came home and told Rob. He is going to have to ask his parents now but the last time they promised to keep her, two days before his mom said "Oh no, we can't do it" and that was only for a weekend and that was how she wound up at Jill's the first time Jill ever kept her. So I guess we will have to look into the doggie day care. Did I mention that I am pissed?
Hence my song choice. With friends like these... All my real friends have cats and live in the city (or no where near here) so I can't ask them. And you all know who you are. ;->
Friday, June 01, 2007
More Than a Party
I was supposed to put up pictures the other day and I didn't. Oh well. Here are some other pictures instead. These are of Alyssa's dinner dance. Her friends are both named Ashley.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Manic Monday
Really its Tuesday but it's a Tuesday that seems like Monday since there was a long weekend. And for some reason I am in a really good mood, for no reason at all; and I started this dumb song title thing that I have decided I am sticking with, dumb as it may be, and that's what came to mind.
I had something I wanted to blog about the other day and now I totally forget what it was. Must not have been very interesting or important. I do remember that I wanted to mention that I was at a barbecue on Sunday and there was someone there I went to high school with, Dena F (I don't want to put her whole name since she has no option to say take it out) and I decided that I was not going to go out of my way and say hello to her. I meant to tell this to Beth and may forget again later so, here it is next time you're here. So then I was thinking, ok, if I am not going to go say hi to her, and I had no problems with her in school, we weren't friends but we were on speaking terms when we had classes together, then why in the hell am I going to the reunion? Totally non-threatening environment and I was like "uh, yeah, I have nothing to say to her." So, the reunion should be interesting since I am sure that will not be nearly as friendly of an environment. Now I just have to ask my cousin why Dena was there in the first place!
I took some pictures with my new camera, was I bitching on here that I asked for a camera for Mother's Day and didn't get it? Because now I have it. The one he ordered was back ordered and so he eventually ordered something else and now I have that. I figured out how to do video too but I am not sure that can work on here. I'll do a separate post with the pictures. It's easier than trying to make the text work. I haven't quite mastered that yet.
I guess I am in a good mood because the end is in sight. Once June is here school is almost done. This week we only have four days. Next week two days I have workshops, the following week the kids have three half days so I have no full weeks with kids left, which is good. Although the days I am missing are my "reading buddy" days and I am only missing kindergarten and fifth grade. Thursday 5th is on a field trip so I won't have to see them. And today I had my friend with the "issues" that s/he has and s/he was perfectly well behaved today. Only have to see her one more time since next time she comes I won't be there.
I should make dinner. I don't really feel like it, but I guess I should. I have laundry to work on too. My mom called the other day and asked what I was doing. I said laundry. She said "every time I call you are doing laundry" (she calls like three times a week). So, yeah, laundry. I hate laundry...and ironing...forget that.
I had something I wanted to blog about the other day and now I totally forget what it was. Must not have been very interesting or important. I do remember that I wanted to mention that I was at a barbecue on Sunday and there was someone there I went to high school with, Dena F (I don't want to put her whole name since she has no option to say take it out) and I decided that I was not going to go out of my way and say hello to her. I meant to tell this to Beth and may forget again later so, here it is next time you're here. So then I was thinking, ok, if I am not going to go say hi to her, and I had no problems with her in school, we weren't friends but we were on speaking terms when we had classes together, then why in the hell am I going to the reunion? Totally non-threatening environment and I was like "uh, yeah, I have nothing to say to her." So, the reunion should be interesting since I am sure that will not be nearly as friendly of an environment. Now I just have to ask my cousin why Dena was there in the first place!
I took some pictures with my new camera, was I bitching on here that I asked for a camera for Mother's Day and didn't get it? Because now I have it. The one he ordered was back ordered and so he eventually ordered something else and now I have that. I figured out how to do video too but I am not sure that can work on here. I'll do a separate post with the pictures. It's easier than trying to make the text work. I haven't quite mastered that yet.
I guess I am in a good mood because the end is in sight. Once June is here school is almost done. This week we only have four days. Next week two days I have workshops, the following week the kids have three half days so I have no full weeks with kids left, which is good. Although the days I am missing are my "reading buddy" days and I am only missing kindergarten and fifth grade. Thursday 5th is on a field trip so I won't have to see them. And today I had my friend with the "issues" that s/he has and s/he was perfectly well behaved today. Only have to see her one more time since next time she comes I won't be there.
I should make dinner. I don't really feel like it, but I guess I should. I have laundry to work on too. My mom called the other day and asked what I was doing. I said laundry. She said "every time I call you are doing laundry" (she calls like three times a week). So, yeah, laundry. I hate laundry...and ironing...forget that.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Lonely in Your Nightmare
I have a reason for choosing this song title, so it's only semi-random at this point. Although when it popped into my head in the first place it was completely random. Yesterday I had to go on Alyssa's field trip. On the wonderful bus ride to NYC I was listening to my MP3 player and Lonely in Your Nightmare came on it. Beth told me this was one of the choices of songs fans could vote for for the 'members of the fan club only' concert they are playing next month.
So as I was listening to all the cold out on your stone range, barren in your garden, heat beneath you winters, I thought, "huh, no way Simon is going to remember those lyrics." I don't even remember those lyrics and he was having issues with Friends of Mine on the last tour. I've seen him completely forget New Religion...and Beth it is NOT hard...which I also know all the words to. But whatever, I guess we'll see. It was just a random thing that popped into my head.
The field trip...I hate field trips. I never went on them with my kids when they were in public school and I was glad to get out of the classroom because it meant I didn't have to go on them with my class. But since my kids are now in Catholic school the rule is that they have to have a chaperone, if it is not you, you have to arrange it and send in a letter letting the school know who is responsible for your child. I assume this is because most of their trips include huge blocks of unscheduled time in major cities. Rob went on Brandon's trip last Friday to Inner Harbor in Baltimore-I already did that trip two years ago when Alyssa was in 6th grade.
The 8th grade trip is to NYC to see a show. This trip cost almost $200. We had to be at the school at 6:45 to leave at 7, there is isue number 1. They school uses the same bus company and there are always problems. There were two busses, one was nice, one was old and junky. The boys got to go on the nice bus, my opinion on why that was-one of the boys in 8th grade's mother is the teacher chaperone/class advisor. Of course, she's not going to put herself on the crappy bus, so the boys got the nice bus. Way to teach your son about being gracious to women. ;-> My seat didn't latch so if anyone bumped the back I got slammed back into a completely upright position and every time we hit a bump it bounced back and forth. Did I mention I get motion sickness? By the time we got there I was completely on the verge of puking.
We're on the NJ Turnpike, behind the other bus, people flying past us, we get pulled over! "Random inspections" that was a nice 15 minute delay. One of the mom's was freaking out because we had a time schedule for our tour of Rockefeller Center and we paid for it, etc. Yeah, it was 9 and we were about an hour away and our time was 10:45...we'll be fine woman, sit down. The girls didn't even notice what was going on at first that's how clueless they are. They were busy singing their graduation song, completely off key. I don't know who picked that song, but they sounded terrible and I can only imagine how much worse it's going to be with the boys singing. Ugh! I have that to look forward to next.
Our bus driver was perhaps the worst driver ever. Apparently the gas pedal is a switch, it is either on or off. Which made my seat bounce back and forth even more. Same with the brakes, off or on, suddenly. And the air conditioner was also either on or off, no happy medium. We were all either freezing - as in even the father's on the bus were pulling out their jackets, or it was stifling. I may have to change Brandon to a new school just so I don't have to go to DC next year!
We get to Rockefeller Center in plenty of time for our scheduled time-there is a bus only lane through the tunnel so even though it was completely backed up it didn't matter, we went in that lane. As far as I knew, we were supposed to have a tour, but all that happened was they sent us up in the elevator to the observation deck. I am not sure how much we paid for this "tour" I think $9, but it surely wasn't worth it. The itinerary had us there until almost noon but we were all ready to leave at about 11. We had from then until 1:30 to do whatever we wanted and get to the theater.
We went to some stores with Alyssa's friends, both named Ashley and their mothers. That was fine. I really didn't care, I was ok with just letting the girls do what they wanted since it was their trip. I think the whole idea is dumb because the kids don't spend time with each other. They only see each other if that's what the parents want to do. I think Great Adventure or something like that would be a better option. But no one asked me. Then again, I don't go to the 8th grade parent meetings either. All these trips are "traditions" anyway so I doubt it would make a difference if I did go. We had lunch and then went to the show.
The show was The Lion King. It was nice as far as shows go. I think I am "over that" right now. I used to be into going to these things but by the time it was over I had a headache and my butt hurt from sitting for three hours. Again on this being a dumb field trip, the tickets weren't even all together. Ashley W and her mom got there about five minutes before we did because I think she was trying to lose us and she hustled across the street in Times Square when the light was turning and I made Alyssa and Ashley F wait. Instead of waiting on the other side, which I would have done and I know the other mom would have, she just kept going. She was acting weird so whatever. She could have said she'd prefer to just go off on her own. I don't care, like I said, it was Alyssa's day and I wanted her to have fun.
The tickets we got were together, the four of us, but that was it. No one from the school was with us. After the show we saw Ashley W in the lobby and her mom was all "come on" and at that point I didn't want to deal with her either. I had already told Alyssa that I didn't think we were going to spend our two hours after the play with them because her mom was being weird. Plus Ashley F had said "Ooo Sephora" when we first got there but since Ashely W's mom didn't want to go there, we didn't. So I told Ashley I knew where the one in Times Square was and if it was ok with her mom we'd go there. When we came out of the play it was pouring, the girls were all three talking but then W's mom was all "come on" to her so I said to the girls "let's take a minute and figure out what we're doing so we can get there quick since it's raining.
We went to a few stores that the girls wanted to go to, they wanted McDonald's so that's where we went (W's mom nixed that idea for lunch-no idea why, seemed reasonable to me) then we went to Virgin MegaStore because it was still pouring and it was really all that was left where we could actually kill a good amount of time. We were right where they told us to be for the bus. Our brilliant driver went a whole block down and we had to run down the street to get on the bus and of course, at the time he showed up it was really pouring. We had all pretty much dried out while we were waiting for him and then got wet again. Of course, while we were waiting and could have walked down to where he actually stopped, it wasn't raining that much. Jerk.
It was 10 by the time we got back to the school. So I didn't get home until 10:30. Aly stayed at Ashely W's house. I asked her if she was still sure she wanted to do that after whatever was going on. At one point she and F were whispering about W - I didn't understand the explanation as to what was going on. I think it was "8th grade nonsense...she's controlling" something like that.
But I have to go eat something because I am going to Brandon's counseling appointment this evening. Fun fun. I think I need to get myself back on the schedule. If I feel like it I'll tell you all about that later. Or not.
So as I was listening to all the cold out on your stone range, barren in your garden, heat beneath you winters, I thought, "huh, no way Simon is going to remember those lyrics." I don't even remember those lyrics and he was having issues with Friends of Mine on the last tour. I've seen him completely forget New Religion...and Beth it is NOT hard...which I also know all the words to. But whatever, I guess we'll see. It was just a random thing that popped into my head.
The field trip...I hate field trips. I never went on them with my kids when they were in public school and I was glad to get out of the classroom because it meant I didn't have to go on them with my class. But since my kids are now in Catholic school the rule is that they have to have a chaperone, if it is not you, you have to arrange it and send in a letter letting the school know who is responsible for your child. I assume this is because most of their trips include huge blocks of unscheduled time in major cities. Rob went on Brandon's trip last Friday to Inner Harbor in Baltimore-I already did that trip two years ago when Alyssa was in 6th grade.
The 8th grade trip is to NYC to see a show. This trip cost almost $200. We had to be at the school at 6:45 to leave at 7, there is isue number 1. They school uses the same bus company and there are always problems. There were two busses, one was nice, one was old and junky. The boys got to go on the nice bus, my opinion on why that was-one of the boys in 8th grade's mother is the teacher chaperone/class advisor. Of course, she's not going to put herself on the crappy bus, so the boys got the nice bus. Way to teach your son about being gracious to women. ;-> My seat didn't latch so if anyone bumped the back I got slammed back into a completely upright position and every time we hit a bump it bounced back and forth. Did I mention I get motion sickness? By the time we got there I was completely on the verge of puking.
We're on the NJ Turnpike, behind the other bus, people flying past us, we get pulled over! "Random inspections" that was a nice 15 minute delay. One of the mom's was freaking out because we had a time schedule for our tour of Rockefeller Center and we paid for it, etc. Yeah, it was 9 and we were about an hour away and our time was 10:45...we'll be fine woman, sit down. The girls didn't even notice what was going on at first that's how clueless they are. They were busy singing their graduation song, completely off key. I don't know who picked that song, but they sounded terrible and I can only imagine how much worse it's going to be with the boys singing. Ugh! I have that to look forward to next.
Our bus driver was perhaps the worst driver ever. Apparently the gas pedal is a switch, it is either on or off. Which made my seat bounce back and forth even more. Same with the brakes, off or on, suddenly. And the air conditioner was also either on or off, no happy medium. We were all either freezing - as in even the father's on the bus were pulling out their jackets, or it was stifling. I may have to change Brandon to a new school just so I don't have to go to DC next year!
We get to Rockefeller Center in plenty of time for our scheduled time-there is a bus only lane through the tunnel so even though it was completely backed up it didn't matter, we went in that lane. As far as I knew, we were supposed to have a tour, but all that happened was they sent us up in the elevator to the observation deck. I am not sure how much we paid for this "tour" I think $9, but it surely wasn't worth it. The itinerary had us there until almost noon but we were all ready to leave at about 11. We had from then until 1:30 to do whatever we wanted and get to the theater.
We went to some stores with Alyssa's friends, both named Ashley and their mothers. That was fine. I really didn't care, I was ok with just letting the girls do what they wanted since it was their trip. I think the whole idea is dumb because the kids don't spend time with each other. They only see each other if that's what the parents want to do. I think Great Adventure or something like that would be a better option. But no one asked me. Then again, I don't go to the 8th grade parent meetings either. All these trips are "traditions" anyway so I doubt it would make a difference if I did go. We had lunch and then went to the show.
The show was The Lion King. It was nice as far as shows go. I think I am "over that" right now. I used to be into going to these things but by the time it was over I had a headache and my butt hurt from sitting for three hours. Again on this being a dumb field trip, the tickets weren't even all together. Ashley W and her mom got there about five minutes before we did because I think she was trying to lose us and she hustled across the street in Times Square when the light was turning and I made Alyssa and Ashley F wait. Instead of waiting on the other side, which I would have done and I know the other mom would have, she just kept going. She was acting weird so whatever. She could have said she'd prefer to just go off on her own. I don't care, like I said, it was Alyssa's day and I wanted her to have fun.
The tickets we got were together, the four of us, but that was it. No one from the school was with us. After the show we saw Ashley W in the lobby and her mom was all "come on" and at that point I didn't want to deal with her either. I had already told Alyssa that I didn't think we were going to spend our two hours after the play with them because her mom was being weird. Plus Ashley F had said "Ooo Sephora" when we first got there but since Ashely W's mom didn't want to go there, we didn't. So I told Ashley I knew where the one in Times Square was and if it was ok with her mom we'd go there. When we came out of the play it was pouring, the girls were all three talking but then W's mom was all "come on" to her so I said to the girls "let's take a minute and figure out what we're doing so we can get there quick since it's raining.
We went to a few stores that the girls wanted to go to, they wanted McDonald's so that's where we went (W's mom nixed that idea for lunch-no idea why, seemed reasonable to me) then we went to Virgin MegaStore because it was still pouring and it was really all that was left where we could actually kill a good amount of time. We were right where they told us to be for the bus. Our brilliant driver went a whole block down and we had to run down the street to get on the bus and of course, at the time he showed up it was really pouring. We had all pretty much dried out while we were waiting for him and then got wet again. Of course, while we were waiting and could have walked down to where he actually stopped, it wasn't raining that much. Jerk.
It was 10 by the time we got back to the school. So I didn't get home until 10:30. Aly stayed at Ashely W's house. I asked her if she was still sure she wanted to do that after whatever was going on. At one point she and F were whispering about W - I didn't understand the explanation as to what was going on. I think it was "8th grade nonsense...she's controlling" something like that.
But I have to go eat something because I am going to Brandon's counseling appointment this evening. Fun fun. I think I need to get myself back on the schedule. If I feel like it I'll tell you all about that later. Or not.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Bad Reputation
Keeping with the theme. That one's Joan Jett in case you didn't know. You have to read this post to know why I chose that for today.
My Uncle Jim forwards loads of dumb jokes and chain emails. I, thankfully, am not on his list. Stacy is and she forwards things to me that he sends that are actually funny or that she thinks I would want to read. I hear he sends about 10-15 things a day. Stacy forwards one or two maybe two days a week so her filter is pretty good. Today she sent me one about birthdays. It was SO right on that I had to share with everyone. Here is what is says for July:
----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and
Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
In studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods
About the past and the old friends. Waits for
Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
But takes long to recover.
It's crazy how all of that is true about me. How can that be?? So, right now apparently my reputation is that I spaz when I have pms. Last week when Rob took Brandon to the counselor he said something about my being short-tempered or something and the counselor said "is she pms-ing?" See, everyone knows about it. And I did actually tell her one week that I can usually ignore most of Brandon's nonsense except for when I have pms. Now, in the past my bad reputation was for other, more interesting reasons. ;-> I am ok with that being gone. But then, since it is a chain email. It said this at the end...
Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days
Basically, "don't give a damn about my bad reputation".
My Uncle Jim forwards loads of dumb jokes and chain emails. I, thankfully, am not on his list. Stacy is and she forwards things to me that he sends that are actually funny or that she thinks I would want to read. I hear he sends about 10-15 things a day. Stacy forwards one or two maybe two days a week so her filter is pretty good. Today she sent me one about birthdays. It was SO right on that I had to share with everyone. Here is what is says for July:
----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and
Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
In studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods
About the past and the old friends. Waits for
Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
But takes long to recover.
It's crazy how all of that is true about me. How can that be?? So, right now apparently my reputation is that I spaz when I have pms. Last week when Rob took Brandon to the counselor he said something about my being short-tempered or something and the counselor said "is she pms-ing?" See, everyone knows about it. And I did actually tell her one week that I can usually ignore most of Brandon's nonsense except for when I have pms. Now, in the past my bad reputation was for other, more interesting reasons. ;-> I am ok with that being gone. But then, since it is a chain email. It said this at the end...
Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days
Basically, "don't give a damn about my bad reputation".
Monday, May 07, 2007
Blue Monday
It's not really...I am just sticking with the song titles. This morning I took Brandon to Appel Farms Arts and Music Center where he is going to stay for three days for an "environmental embassadors" program. A teacher who he always claims doesn't like him chose him to participate. He told Rob this morning that he was terrified. He didn't mention it to me. He jumped right out of bed and was ready to go. Even carried his own things out to the car-and there were a lot of things. Actually, Aly and I helped, but that was just to make less trips, when I said "let's go" he started grabbing stuff to take out. Big stuff too! Shocking. I expected him to grab his pillow and leave the rest for me. I am worried that I didn't give him enough clothes but at the same time I know if I gave him too much stuff he would just be overwhelmed with all of it.
There are four kids there from 6B (that's his class) one of them was supposed to be his "archnemesis" Lorenzo, but Tyler is there instead. We don't know why but I am really glad because I was worried the whole thing was going to be ruined for him because he hates this kid. There are also going to be four kids from 6A but none of them were there yet, which is a little odd, all the 6B boys where there, no 6A, but the boys didn't know who it was going to be. I guess 6A and 6B don't speak to each other!
So here is how my weekend went. Friday night I went to my mom's for a while to see my Aunt Sue. I felt a little better when I got home and then I told Alyssa I needed the password for the email account she used to set up her MySpace. She said that it wasn't a real email account and there was no password. Now given her history, I have no reason to believe this claim; long story short, a shouting match ensued. She screamed "I just don't like you". Rob came and started shouting at us both to knock it off. I said I hate it here and left. I just drove around for a half hour. Then I came home and went to bed.
Saturday I was just pissy when I woke up. I had told Aly I didn't want to see her until she had an answer for me about the password. Her response was "I guess I'll never see you again then because I don't know what it is." It turns out that account really is nonexistent so I guess what I learned is that on the rare instance when Aly is telling the truth, she will actually fight with me rather than just quietly stick to her story. I was going to go somewhere away from everyone because I was in the I hate everyone mood but I decided to stay and help with the yardwork-which I just love.
So Rob and I worked in the yard and he made Aly come out and help. She had nothing else to do because she was still grounded. Sheila's grandfather stopped and asked me if she could come with them for pizza and I told him maybe next week if she can manage to follow the rules for one week! He seemed upset that he hasn't seen her for so long. Although, in actuality, she has not been grounded the entire month, we had something every Saturday in April. Brandon went to Nick's at 4. Aly was working with me in the front yard and I basically didn't even look at her all day and I said nothing at all to her. That went on for about three hours.
I got a shower and got ready to go out. I wanted to go get a new blanket for our bed and check out Old Navy. By then I was in a better mood but then Rob started yelling about something idiotic and pissed me right back off. Then he said he wanted to come with me. So I had to tell him he was being a jerk before and I wasn't sure I wanted him to come. Plus, this means Aly has to come because right now she is also not allowed to be home alone because we are trying to make a point that we are going to treat her like a baby if we can't trust her. So Rob said he was sorry and told Aly she had to come.
As we were getting ready to go she came to me, all on her own Rob says, and said she was sorry for what she said. She started crying and said she loved me and hugged me and was all emotional. So then I decided I would talk to her again. Very mature I know, not speaking to the 13 year old. We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and Old Navy. Very exciting. Alyssa got shoes, a bathing suit and a pair of sunglasses. Plus she got $10 for helping in the yard. Everything was fine until Brandon came home and started yelling about having to get a shower.
Sunday we all went to Kohl's because the kids have no summer clothes. That was fine but we spent $565 and that was after getting 15% off. But I did get $110 of Kohls cash that I can spend between the 9th and the 16th. I have a half day on Wednesday too because I have to pick Brandon up from this program. I'll run over to the new Kohls when I get done work because I'll have a couple hours to kill before I have to get Alyssa.
I have resumed copying stuff from Suzy's hard drive back onto the server. I had stopped doing that because I was in a mood. I am not sure if my mood has ended because I spent most of the day outside on Saturday, because my pms has subsided or because of those herbal supplements I have been taking. I hear mdma was originally prescribed for depression. I told Rob I want that. ;->
Why does the spellchecker in this place only work some of the time???
There are four kids there from 6B (that's his class) one of them was supposed to be his "archnemesis" Lorenzo, but Tyler is there instead. We don't know why but I am really glad because I was worried the whole thing was going to be ruined for him because he hates this kid. There are also going to be four kids from 6A but none of them were there yet, which is a little odd, all the 6B boys where there, no 6A, but the boys didn't know who it was going to be. I guess 6A and 6B don't speak to each other!
So here is how my weekend went. Friday night I went to my mom's for a while to see my Aunt Sue. I felt a little better when I got home and then I told Alyssa I needed the password for the email account she used to set up her MySpace. She said that it wasn't a real email account and there was no password. Now given her history, I have no reason to believe this claim; long story short, a shouting match ensued. She screamed "I just don't like you". Rob came and started shouting at us both to knock it off. I said I hate it here and left. I just drove around for a half hour. Then I came home and went to bed.
Saturday I was just pissy when I woke up. I had told Aly I didn't want to see her until she had an answer for me about the password. Her response was "I guess I'll never see you again then because I don't know what it is." It turns out that account really is nonexistent so I guess what I learned is that on the rare instance when Aly is telling the truth, she will actually fight with me rather than just quietly stick to her story. I was going to go somewhere away from everyone because I was in the I hate everyone mood but I decided to stay and help with the yardwork-which I just love.
So Rob and I worked in the yard and he made Aly come out and help. She had nothing else to do because she was still grounded. Sheila's grandfather stopped and asked me if she could come with them for pizza and I told him maybe next week if she can manage to follow the rules for one week! He seemed upset that he hasn't seen her for so long. Although, in actuality, she has not been grounded the entire month, we had something every Saturday in April. Brandon went to Nick's at 4. Aly was working with me in the front yard and I basically didn't even look at her all day and I said nothing at all to her. That went on for about three hours.
I got a shower and got ready to go out. I wanted to go get a new blanket for our bed and check out Old Navy. By then I was in a better mood but then Rob started yelling about something idiotic and pissed me right back off. Then he said he wanted to come with me. So I had to tell him he was being a jerk before and I wasn't sure I wanted him to come. Plus, this means Aly has to come because right now she is also not allowed to be home alone because we are trying to make a point that we are going to treat her like a baby if we can't trust her. So Rob said he was sorry and told Aly she had to come.
As we were getting ready to go she came to me, all on her own Rob says, and said she was sorry for what she said. She started crying and said she loved me and hugged me and was all emotional. So then I decided I would talk to her again. Very mature I know, not speaking to the 13 year old. We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and Old Navy. Very exciting. Alyssa got shoes, a bathing suit and a pair of sunglasses. Plus she got $10 for helping in the yard. Everything was fine until Brandon came home and started yelling about having to get a shower.
Sunday we all went to Kohl's because the kids have no summer clothes. That was fine but we spent $565 and that was after getting 15% off. But I did get $110 of Kohls cash that I can spend between the 9th and the 16th. I have a half day on Wednesday too because I have to pick Brandon up from this program. I'll run over to the new Kohls when I get done work because I'll have a couple hours to kill before I have to get Alyssa.
I have resumed copying stuff from Suzy's hard drive back onto the server. I had stopped doing that because I was in a mood. I am not sure if my mood has ended because I spent most of the day outside on Saturday, because my pms has subsided or because of those herbal supplements I have been taking. I hear mdma was originally prescribed for depression. I told Rob I want that. ;->
Why does the spellchecker in this place only work some of the time???
Friday, May 04, 2007
Still Breathing
It's intentional, song titles for titles. Seemed as good a one as any other. I guess writing on here is somewhat therapeutic, I felt a little better last night after I wrote. I have managed to stop wondering how long it takes to bleed to death and such so that's good. However, I still feel like just getting in bed and staying there, and for some reason I am absolutely freezing, and currently feel like puking. All good news.
My grandmother said I need a vacation. Gee, ya think? And where am I going to get time to do that? July, that's when. Til then I have to deal with the same crap on a daily basis. My lovely children who cannot be trusted out of my sight so I am basically saddled with 11 and 13 year old toddlers; my job which I hate; and my assistant who is driving me out of my mind. I seriously don't know how much more I can take of her either. If you think I complain a lot, let me take you to her. You will see that I am Little Miss Freaking Sunshine compared to her. She complains about her parking place every single morning! EVERY morning! Let it go already! At my other school NO parking places were close, everything was the boondocks. So whatever. I have to walk 50 steps to get into the building. I DON'T CARE!! And that is just the start of her complaining. It goes on from there ad infinitum.
I get to complain all I want here. Don't like it, quit reading. I do not complain all day long, every single day, to every person who crosses my path. If you don't want to do the triathlon this weekend at your kid's school don't volunteer to do it!! I don't do shit at my kids' school. Why? Because I hate it and it would make me miserable! So quit doing it! They'll be fine. Correction, I do Bingo, because we have no choice. Actually, Rob does it. And guess what, he says "ugh, I hate bingo" and that is the end of it. I'll bet no one he works with knows about it.
And seriously, your kid is refusing to do his homework, and has all D's right now, why the fuck are you spending your weekend taking him paintballing, which costs $50 each time? His ass would be in his room if he were my kid. Aly has been grounded for going on a month now because of a MySpace page. Her progress report was all "passing". If it was all D's and F's, she'd be grounded. If she told me the night before her project was due, that she had a project due, her ass would stay up all night alone doing it. I would sure as hell not be working on it for her while I was at work. Punish his ass and maybe he'll start doing his schoolwork. He's in high school for God's sake! This is what I want to say to her and I don't.
My aunt is here from Florida and my mom called to tell me they are there if I want to come over. I don't want to, but I really don't have a choice. It's go and pretend to be all happy and have something to say-which I don't right now because I want to go to bed. Or not go and hear about it later. Either way...no win situation.
There is something else...but I forget what.
My stomach hurts.
My grandmother said I need a vacation. Gee, ya think? And where am I going to get time to do that? July, that's when. Til then I have to deal with the same crap on a daily basis. My lovely children who cannot be trusted out of my sight so I am basically saddled with 11 and 13 year old toddlers; my job which I hate; and my assistant who is driving me out of my mind. I seriously don't know how much more I can take of her either. If you think I complain a lot, let me take you to her. You will see that I am Little Miss Freaking Sunshine compared to her. She complains about her parking place every single morning! EVERY morning! Let it go already! At my other school NO parking places were close, everything was the boondocks. So whatever. I have to walk 50 steps to get into the building. I DON'T CARE!! And that is just the start of her complaining. It goes on from there ad infinitum.
I get to complain all I want here. Don't like it, quit reading. I do not complain all day long, every single day, to every person who crosses my path. If you don't want to do the triathlon this weekend at your kid's school don't volunteer to do it!! I don't do shit at my kids' school. Why? Because I hate it and it would make me miserable! So quit doing it! They'll be fine. Correction, I do Bingo, because we have no choice. Actually, Rob does it. And guess what, he says "ugh, I hate bingo" and that is the end of it. I'll bet no one he works with knows about it.
And seriously, your kid is refusing to do his homework, and has all D's right now, why the fuck are you spending your weekend taking him paintballing, which costs $50 each time? His ass would be in his room if he were my kid. Aly has been grounded for going on a month now because of a MySpace page. Her progress report was all "passing". If it was all D's and F's, she'd be grounded. If she told me the night before her project was due, that she had a project due, her ass would stay up all night alone doing it. I would sure as hell not be working on it for her while I was at work. Punish his ass and maybe he'll start doing his schoolwork. He's in high school for God's sake! This is what I want to say to her and I don't.
My aunt is here from Florida and my mom called to tell me they are there if I want to come over. I don't want to, but I really don't have a choice. It's go and pretend to be all happy and have something to say-which I don't right now because I want to go to bed. Or not go and hear about it later. Either way...no win situation.
There is something else...but I forget what.
My stomach hurts.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
March of the Pigs
I am having a really bad few days. I suspect, once again, that PMS is partly to blame for it but there are other contributing factors which make my life generally suck. But for some reason I have this song stuck in my head. I confess I am not completely sure what the song is about, I have a general idea. Maybe it's just that there is screaming and then calm in it. Maybe it does just make me feel better. And if any of my friends are actually reading this, it may help if you knew the lyrics. It's enough to know that there is yelling and then quiet and it says "now doesn't it make you feel better?" Downward Spiral, Closer comes after it, I listened to that too. I know what that's about. Self-loathing, in case you weren't sure...that's what I hear anyway ;->
Yeah, I am completely rambling this evening. The crazy does that to a person. I spent an hour on my bed curled up and crying, thinking about cutting my wrists. I feel like maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I can't make it stop. "It won't give up it wants me dead. God damn this noise inside my head"...and this is why I love the nin, there are words for all your misery. I have thought about dying plenty, I used to think about it all the time in high school. If I knew for sure that you could be a ghost and go to your own funeral, I no doubt would have killed myself back then. I always used to wonder who would actually care if I was dead. But this is totally different. Now it's about hating everything in my life and not wanting to deal with it and not knowing what to do about it. I get what Lisa did. I want to do the same thing. I want to just walk away and not worry about what I am walking away from and what impact it will have on anyone else. But if I do that everyone will judge me. I am not real good with that. I always do what I am supposed to do because people are judging me. (or at least I think they will, maybe I am just too self-important) When I was doing stuff I wasn't supposed to do, very few people ever knew about it, I am very secretive when I need to be. But anyway, if I was dead, they may be judging me, but I wouldn't be here to know about it.
And now while we are on it, let's move back to some dream interpretation. I am totally fucked in the head. Earlier this week I had some dream and there was a spider and a fly in it, but I cannot remember much about it. I think the spider was riding the fly, like it was a horse. The handy dream interpretation site tells me that to see flies symbolizes feelings of guilt. Huh...interesting. This is without me telling anyone but Stacy about something else that I have no intention of telling anyone but Stacy. Yeah, I have some guilt feelings. (I will say that I have not actually done anything, but I am still feeling guilty) Now, let's look at spiders, "you may want to stay away from an alluring or tempting situation". You don't say-you'll have to trust that it relates to the same thing. But it could also symbolize a "powerful force keeping you away from your self destructive behaviors". Which I suppose is a good thing. But I can tell you that the powerful force is not wanting anyone to hate me. Spiders "may symbolize feelings of being entangled or trapped". (who me?)
And by the way people...killing spiders...bad luck. No one believes me. But I don't kill the damn things and look at me. What do I know?
I did talk to my doctor about the PMS when I was there last week. He gave me several options. His preferred option was to try herbal remedies, which is what I am doing, but it could take up to three weeks to work - which does me no good when my PMS is happening now. So, if it's no better next month, I think I will move to option three. Option two was birth control pills. He is not fond of that option because there are studies that say prolonged use is linked to breast cancer and there are studies that say prolonged use is not linked to breast cancer. Prolonged use is ten years. What with I started taking them my senior year in high school and stopped around 1998, my ten years are up. So he said basically, you are making a choice of which study you choose to believe. I don't think I want to choose wrong. So option two is out. Plus I remembered the reason I stopped taking them in the first place-insurance doesn't pay for it. Option three is anti-depressants. Now last week when I was talking to him, I wasn't having a hard time pushing thoughts like "I wonder how bad it hurts to cut yourself" out of my head-he may have chosen that as option one for me had I said that. But since I did not, that was presented as option 3.
Dramatic aren't I? I know full well that now there are seven people who can read this. I think it is likely that only one of them does. But I am also into the "I have no friends"mode. Which doesn't help. I could ramble on, possibly all night. And I have even been going to bed early, so it's not overtired for a change. Although I am feeling physically exhausted for NO reason whatsoever. I may be having a "major depressive episode". What does it mean that I recognise this and am choosing not to do a damn thing about it. And why am I writing this here instead of in the journal that is next to my bed that no one actually reads. Well, except it would not surprise me in the least if my charming daughter read it when I wasn't home.
So I guess I'll just stop.
Yeah, I am completely rambling this evening. The crazy does that to a person. I spent an hour on my bed curled up and crying, thinking about cutting my wrists. I feel like maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I can't make it stop. "It won't give up it wants me dead. God damn this noise inside my head"...and this is why I love the nin, there are words for all your misery. I have thought about dying plenty, I used to think about it all the time in high school. If I knew for sure that you could be a ghost and go to your own funeral, I no doubt would have killed myself back then. I always used to wonder who would actually care if I was dead. But this is totally different. Now it's about hating everything in my life and not wanting to deal with it and not knowing what to do about it. I get what Lisa did. I want to do the same thing. I want to just walk away and not worry about what I am walking away from and what impact it will have on anyone else. But if I do that everyone will judge me. I am not real good with that. I always do what I am supposed to do because people are judging me. (or at least I think they will, maybe I am just too self-important) When I was doing stuff I wasn't supposed to do, very few people ever knew about it, I am very secretive when I need to be. But anyway, if I was dead, they may be judging me, but I wouldn't be here to know about it.
And now while we are on it, let's move back to some dream interpretation. I am totally fucked in the head. Earlier this week I had some dream and there was a spider and a fly in it, but I cannot remember much about it. I think the spider was riding the fly, like it was a horse. The handy dream interpretation site tells me that to see flies symbolizes feelings of guilt. Huh...interesting. This is without me telling anyone but Stacy about something else that I have no intention of telling anyone but Stacy. Yeah, I have some guilt feelings. (I will say that I have not actually done anything, but I am still feeling guilty) Now, let's look at spiders, "you may want to stay away from an alluring or tempting situation". You don't say-you'll have to trust that it relates to the same thing. But it could also symbolize a "powerful force keeping you away from your self destructive behaviors". Which I suppose is a good thing. But I can tell you that the powerful force is not wanting anyone to hate me. Spiders "may symbolize feelings of being entangled or trapped". (who me?)
And by the way people...killing spiders...bad luck. No one believes me. But I don't kill the damn things and look at me. What do I know?
I did talk to my doctor about the PMS when I was there last week. He gave me several options. His preferred option was to try herbal remedies, which is what I am doing, but it could take up to three weeks to work - which does me no good when my PMS is happening now. So, if it's no better next month, I think I will move to option three. Option two was birth control pills. He is not fond of that option because there are studies that say prolonged use is linked to breast cancer and there are studies that say prolonged use is not linked to breast cancer. Prolonged use is ten years. What with I started taking them my senior year in high school and stopped around 1998, my ten years are up. So he said basically, you are making a choice of which study you choose to believe. I don't think I want to choose wrong. So option two is out. Plus I remembered the reason I stopped taking them in the first place-insurance doesn't pay for it. Option three is anti-depressants. Now last week when I was talking to him, I wasn't having a hard time pushing thoughts like "I wonder how bad it hurts to cut yourself" out of my head-he may have chosen that as option one for me had I said that. But since I did not, that was presented as option 3.
Dramatic aren't I? I know full well that now there are seven people who can read this. I think it is likely that only one of them does. But I am also into the "I have no friends"mode. Which doesn't help. I could ramble on, possibly all night. And I have even been going to bed early, so it's not overtired for a change. Although I am feeling physically exhausted for NO reason whatsoever. I may be having a "major depressive episode". What does it mean that I recognise this and am choosing not to do a damn thing about it. And why am I writing this here instead of in the journal that is next to my bed that no one actually reads. Well, except it would not surprise me in the least if my charming daughter read it when I wasn't home.
So I guess I'll just stop.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Sigh
You know the day is going to suck when you start crying before you ever get out of bed in the morning. My children are driving me insane. Everyone in the house is unhappy. I knew we were going to have to spend the day working on science fair projects, which are due on Thursday and as of right now (8:14 pm on Sunday) are not done. Brandon, of course, is all pissy about having to work on it over the weekend. He is supposed to be grounded anyway because of the whole MySpace thing so why it matters I don't know.
Alyssa is doing fine with hers. She is almost done. I took her to the library yesterday to enforce our "you cannot use the Internet at all" rule. That doesn't work all that well since libraries don't even get magazines anymore. So I said she could use the database, of course every computer they put us on did not want to work. We wound up doing it at home. I did a database search and printed out the articles for her to use. I am not sure that is punishment at all since I did her research but whatever. She was waiting most of the day for her last flower to thaw out but she has her research paper done, which is the hardest part of it.
Brandon has nothing done. Maybe his title page, but I think not even that. The formatting isn't right. So nothing. Around 4:30 I let him go outside because children with ADHD are supposed to get breaks. They can't work for extended periods of time. When he came in from the break he starts screaming about how daddy is a retard. What it came down to was that Rob was on the phone when he got home, he interrupted, Rob told him to wait. Then when he was off the phone he asked what was so important that Brandon had to interrupt him. The story Brandon told was that he said nevermind. The story Rob then came in and told me was that Brandon wanted to ask if the handlebars on his scooter were down too low. Obviously, not something urgent.
So Brandon is crying over this and screaming at me. So I started screaming back because I am sick and tired of his disrespect. Then he said "what happened to everyone being created equal" and I told him that doesn't apply to parent and child relationships, it doesn't even apply to children at all, and he just has to do what he is told because that's part of being a kid. He yells that he doesn't have to listen to me and he doesn't respect me. So I smacked him in the face. Then he said something else and I told him stop or I'd hit him again and he said "I don't care" so I smacked the other side for good measure. He started screaming more shit at me so I grabbed him and put him over my knee and spanked him. Then he jumped into a karate stance and threatened me. I told him I am not afraid of him and he continued to yell, "one day you will be You will be sorry." Rob told him if he hits me he would hit him back.
It's a lot of fun around here. Now everyone is acting fine again. The counselors tell us no spanking but everyone seems to behave much better afterward. I am starting to think Rob is right that they need a little bit of fear to make them behave. Talking sure hasn't helped.
Alyssa is doing fine with hers. She is almost done. I took her to the library yesterday to enforce our "you cannot use the Internet at all" rule. That doesn't work all that well since libraries don't even get magazines anymore. So I said she could use the database, of course every computer they put us on did not want to work. We wound up doing it at home. I did a database search and printed out the articles for her to use. I am not sure that is punishment at all since I did her research but whatever. She was waiting most of the day for her last flower to thaw out but she has her research paper done, which is the hardest part of it.
Brandon has nothing done. Maybe his title page, but I think not even that. The formatting isn't right. So nothing. Around 4:30 I let him go outside because children with ADHD are supposed to get breaks. They can't work for extended periods of time. When he came in from the break he starts screaming about how daddy is a retard. What it came down to was that Rob was on the phone when he got home, he interrupted, Rob told him to wait. Then when he was off the phone he asked what was so important that Brandon had to interrupt him. The story Brandon told was that he said nevermind. The story Rob then came in and told me was that Brandon wanted to ask if the handlebars on his scooter were down too low. Obviously, not something urgent.
So Brandon is crying over this and screaming at me. So I started screaming back because I am sick and tired of his disrespect. Then he said "what happened to everyone being created equal" and I told him that doesn't apply to parent and child relationships, it doesn't even apply to children at all, and he just has to do what he is told because that's part of being a kid. He yells that he doesn't have to listen to me and he doesn't respect me. So I smacked him in the face. Then he said something else and I told him stop or I'd hit him again and he said "I don't care" so I smacked the other side for good measure. He started screaming more shit at me so I grabbed him and put him over my knee and spanked him. Then he jumped into a karate stance and threatened me. I told him I am not afraid of him and he continued to yell, "one day you will be You will be sorry." Rob told him if he hits me he would hit him back.
It's a lot of fun around here. Now everyone is acting fine again. The counselors tell us no spanking but everyone seems to behave much better afterward. I am starting to think Rob is right that they need a little bit of fear to make them behave. Talking sure hasn't helped.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
My Daughter...Yet Again
Have there ever been any parents who successfully defended killing their kids with a "they made me crazy" defense? Because my daughter is on a fast track toward being killed...by me. The school sends home test folders and communication envelopes on Thursdays. So Brandon gave me his test folder when they came home from my mom's, around 6. He had already told me that he had one bad test grade (which was a 78 and frankly is nothing compared to the bad grades his sister brings home) "here's the folder".
I was doing stuff and forgot all about asking for hers until about 9. So in the communication envelope there is a letter from the principal with a copy of an IM session between HondaHead95...which is Brandon's screen name...which he is not allowed to have (this follows the discovery of the MySpace accounts two nights ago which I did not even get into on here). So anyway, the content of this IM is that "he" was calling this other kid "gay" and "bitch" now it would appear that it was actually Aly using his screen name but we are going to get into that tomorrow, armed with a belt because apparently that helps Aly remember better. I'll get to that.
So there is a note from the principal to please call her about it. Now it is 9:20 so I call her and apologize for the lateness of my call, she's a former nun and the principal of a Catholic school, I suspect it's a little late for her to get calls. She sounded awake so and said it was ok so whatever. So I am telling her about the MySpace and the issues we are having with the computer, the fact that we weren't even aware of this account, the fact of the accounts we have made Aly close and she just opens new ones when she is at someone else's house. I told her although Aly does have an account she is allowed to have she has been grounded from it for quite some time and this was apparently done during the grounding, while they were at my father's house, after my father had gone to bed and thought they had done likewise.
So during the course of the conversation and me saying that we are at a loss, we see all these counselors about this behavior and no one seems to be able to help and nothing seems to work, she says "I thought Alyssa was just this nice quiet girl until the incident a few weeks ago with Eric." And I said "What incident is that?" "Oh, she was supposed to talk to you about it and she told me that she had." I said, "Let's make one thing very clear, Alyssa will NEVER tell me anything that will get her in trouble. If she ever does anything, you have to call and tell me. She lies." The incident in question is that she and Eric were caught french kissing in the library at school!!! What balls does that take, in 8th grade, in a Catholic school. I am more than a little upset that I would never have known about this had something else not happened that made me have to speak to the principal. I think they really should have called me about that, not trusted her to tell me. But that's another issue.
So I went upstairs to ask Aly what else she supposed the principal wanted to talk to me about and she said "I don't know." I told her she needed to rethink it and she shrugged. So I said "I will go get my belt to help you remember." Then I went and got the widest belt I own and came back in with it. The look on her face was absolutely priceless. Shock, horror, sheer terror. But suddenly she knew just exactly what she told me about. Her dad asked her if she wanted to be known as a slut since she's kissing in school where she is obviously going to get caught and since she has "my horny lover" posted on her MySpace page. I told her when she gets pregnant she better hope that boy loves her and his mom is willing to let her live there because she's not living here. I am ready to kill her.
So, currently she was told she is not allowed to go to the dance next week. Which she paid for yesterday, tough crap for her, she shouldn't have lied. She has to improve her grades and if I catch her lying one more time, no 8th grade field trip (which I don't want to go on anyway) and if I catch her lying two more times, no dinner dance either (which she already has a dress for). She is grounded indefinitely, even though the counselors have said not to do that, because she clearly doesn't care what the counselors say anyway. And she'll be doing her research for her science fair project at the library.
I am ready to kill her.
I was doing stuff and forgot all about asking for hers until about 9. So in the communication envelope there is a letter from the principal with a copy of an IM session between HondaHead95...which is Brandon's screen name...which he is not allowed to have (this follows the discovery of the MySpace accounts two nights ago which I did not even get into on here). So anyway, the content of this IM is that "he" was calling this other kid "gay" and "bitch" now it would appear that it was actually Aly using his screen name but we are going to get into that tomorrow, armed with a belt because apparently that helps Aly remember better. I'll get to that.
So there is a note from the principal to please call her about it. Now it is 9:20 so I call her and apologize for the lateness of my call, she's a former nun and the principal of a Catholic school, I suspect it's a little late for her to get calls. She sounded awake so and said it was ok so whatever. So I am telling her about the MySpace and the issues we are having with the computer, the fact that we weren't even aware of this account, the fact of the accounts we have made Aly close and she just opens new ones when she is at someone else's house. I told her although Aly does have an account she is allowed to have she has been grounded from it for quite some time and this was apparently done during the grounding, while they were at my father's house, after my father had gone to bed and thought they had done likewise.
So during the course of the conversation and me saying that we are at a loss, we see all these counselors about this behavior and no one seems to be able to help and nothing seems to work, she says "I thought Alyssa was just this nice quiet girl until the incident a few weeks ago with Eric." And I said "What incident is that?" "Oh, she was supposed to talk to you about it and she told me that she had." I said, "Let's make one thing very clear, Alyssa will NEVER tell me anything that will get her in trouble. If she ever does anything, you have to call and tell me. She lies." The incident in question is that she and Eric were caught french kissing in the library at school!!! What balls does that take, in 8th grade, in a Catholic school. I am more than a little upset that I would never have known about this had something else not happened that made me have to speak to the principal. I think they really should have called me about that, not trusted her to tell me. But that's another issue.
So I went upstairs to ask Aly what else she supposed the principal wanted to talk to me about and she said "I don't know." I told her she needed to rethink it and she shrugged. So I said "I will go get my belt to help you remember." Then I went and got the widest belt I own and came back in with it. The look on her face was absolutely priceless. Shock, horror, sheer terror. But suddenly she knew just exactly what she told me about. Her dad asked her if she wanted to be known as a slut since she's kissing in school where she is obviously going to get caught and since she has "my horny lover" posted on her MySpace page. I told her when she gets pregnant she better hope that boy loves her and his mom is willing to let her live there because she's not living here. I am ready to kill her.
So, currently she was told she is not allowed to go to the dance next week. Which she paid for yesterday, tough crap for her, she shouldn't have lied. She has to improve her grades and if I catch her lying one more time, no 8th grade field trip (which I don't want to go on anyway) and if I catch her lying two more times, no dinner dance either (which she already has a dress for). She is grounded indefinitely, even though the counselors have said not to do that, because she clearly doesn't care what the counselors say anyway. And she'll be doing her research for her science fair project at the library.
I am ready to kill her.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Pictures Again
Last night we went to a party for friends of Rob's parents. Here are some pictures Rob took and my comments on them. I am waiting for Maribeth's pictures, thus far there are none of me, which is good because I had three shots of Jager and three vodka and cranberry's. Bet's pictures may not be so good since she also had the shots and three beers. It was quite a fun evening.
This is John, whose birthday it was, he is 65. He is holding Roseann's baby, Izzie, who is a very happy baby and quite cute as well. She is five months old.
This is Ned...he is Izzie father...wearing her hair band. Usually he says nothing and is not all that much fun. But I guess he must have it in him. I am not sure how much he drank. He may have been over at the bar during the first round of shots I wasn't there then.
This is part of Maribeth, hopefully not taking a picture of me. And her husband Stephen. Just put this on here so you could see the infamous Stephen. I tell her all the time I don't get why she married him!
Lastly, two pictures of Kate and Mike, in the first one Mike is making "The Earl face" many of the pictures from last night have that because apparently that is the thing to do right now. Funny how Mike looks taller than Kate when in reality she is five inches taller than he is! In the first picture to the right of them is Roseann and Rob's mom.
If Maribeth got any good pictures, I will post them later.
This is John, whose birthday it was, he is 65. He is holding Roseann's baby, Izzie, who is a very happy baby and quite cute as well. She is five months old.
This is Ned...he is Izzie father...wearing her hair band. Usually he says nothing and is not all that much fun. But I guess he must have it in him. I am not sure how much he drank. He may have been over at the bar during the first round of shots I wasn't there then.
This is part of Maribeth, hopefully not taking a picture of me. And her husband Stephen. Just put this on here so you could see the infamous Stephen. I tell her all the time I don't get why she married him!
Lastly, two pictures of Kate and Mike, in the first one Mike is making "The Earl face" many of the pictures from last night have that because apparently that is the thing to do right now. Funny how Mike looks taller than Kate when in reality she is five inches taller than he is! In the first picture to the right of them is Roseann and Rob's mom.
If Maribeth got any good pictures, I will post them later.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Motivation
Why is it that one week you can be completely gung-ho about something and a few days later just completely blase? I think for me it has to do with "that time of the month". Last week I was absolutely planning on using my three days off this week for spring break to do something useful and productive. That something was going to be finally paint my bedroom. I got new curtains and a comforter two summers ago for this project. I also got all new stuff for my bathroom. Last summer I finished stripping the wallpaper and started putting primer on all the god awful green trim that even though primered will take two coats of paint to cover. I then planned nothing for any of the days even though there are plenty of things I could be doing that involve leaving the house. I even got rid of my kids for two days.
When Monday rolled around I felt absolutely not at all like dragging out all that mess and starting to paint. I had scheduled my car for maintenance at 9 o'-freaking-clock just so that I would be up and back early and able to have the whole day to work on my room. I was home by 10 and did I paint? Nope, talked myself out of it, and it wasn't very hard. I wrote email and screwed around on the computer. I watched a DVD and by the time all that was done it was almost 5.
Today I decided I was going to sleep in since I have not worked since last Thursday yet have been up by 8 every single day. WTF! So I slept until almost 10. Then I went back into my weird writing trance that started the other day. I have written almost 4,000 words today, not that I am counting or anything. Then when looking for something on the Internet, and no, I am not telling what, I found someone's blog about said subject that was a freaking riot and I think I spent about the last hour and a half reading it. Highly entertaining.
My husband and children will be home any minute now. I have to say that I am not really looking forward to it. I like peace and quiet. I never get it. I am told that it gets old, I don't get to find that out though so it's ok. My children have been driving me crazy. I am trying to reach a state where I can just not care anymore. I have done all I can, I know that my mom just let me go and do my thing. Although I really never did anything until I was a senior in high school. I think that's why I can't do it. Alyssa is bad NOW so god only knows what she'll be doing in four more years. I've told her repeatedly that I absolutely, positively will not be raising any more babies that did not come out of my own body. Realistically I know that I cannot control them now because they are too old for that. So I need to just let it go and whatever happens, happens. Free will and all that.
My husband started in one of his whiny moods yesterday. I made reservations to go to Florida to see Stacy and Cynthia because I need a weekend away from these crazy people! So then he gets all bent out of shape, even though we had already talked about it. Now it has turned into this whole "we don't like to do any of the same things" (which is because he likes to do nothing) and "we need marriage counseling" nonsense. Ugh! I am not a bad person, I really am not, but I just cannot take needy. Please, get a grip. So after all that nonsense, he is messing with the computer and deletes all our music. So now, not only is he on his "my wife is going to leave me" bit, he's on a "I can't believe I am so stupid" bit.
Yeah, I like being alone. Now I am going to read my email, assuming I have anything new, which I more than likely do not, and go back in my trance. It's a lot easier than my real life. I will face up to the 10 phone calls I need to make in the morning and maybe one day this summer when I am not getting my period, I'll feel like painting my room.
When Monday rolled around I felt absolutely not at all like dragging out all that mess and starting to paint. I had scheduled my car for maintenance at 9 o'-freaking-clock just so that I would be up and back early and able to have the whole day to work on my room. I was home by 10 and did I paint? Nope, talked myself out of it, and it wasn't very hard. I wrote email and screwed around on the computer. I watched a DVD and by the time all that was done it was almost 5.
Today I decided I was going to sleep in since I have not worked since last Thursday yet have been up by 8 every single day. WTF! So I slept until almost 10. Then I went back into my weird writing trance that started the other day. I have written almost 4,000 words today, not that I am counting or anything. Then when looking for something on the Internet, and no, I am not telling what, I found someone's blog about said subject that was a freaking riot and I think I spent about the last hour and a half reading it. Highly entertaining.
My husband and children will be home any minute now. I have to say that I am not really looking forward to it. I like peace and quiet. I never get it. I am told that it gets old, I don't get to find that out though so it's ok. My children have been driving me crazy. I am trying to reach a state where I can just not care anymore. I have done all I can, I know that my mom just let me go and do my thing. Although I really never did anything until I was a senior in high school. I think that's why I can't do it. Alyssa is bad NOW so god only knows what she'll be doing in four more years. I've told her repeatedly that I absolutely, positively will not be raising any more babies that did not come out of my own body. Realistically I know that I cannot control them now because they are too old for that. So I need to just let it go and whatever happens, happens. Free will and all that.
My husband started in one of his whiny moods yesterday. I made reservations to go to Florida to see Stacy and Cynthia because I need a weekend away from these crazy people! So then he gets all bent out of shape, even though we had already talked about it. Now it has turned into this whole "we don't like to do any of the same things" (which is because he likes to do nothing) and "we need marriage counseling" nonsense. Ugh! I am not a bad person, I really am not, but I just cannot take needy. Please, get a grip. So after all that nonsense, he is messing with the computer and deletes all our music. So now, not only is he on his "my wife is going to leave me" bit, he's on a "I can't believe I am so stupid" bit.
Yeah, I like being alone. Now I am going to read my email, assuming I have anything new, which I more than likely do not, and go back in my trance. It's a lot easier than my real life. I will face up to the 10 phone calls I need to make in the morning and maybe one day this summer when I am not getting my period, I'll feel like painting my room.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
PMS
I just wanted to say that I am completely sick to death of PMS! It is so annoying. And the shortness of my cycle is also terribly annoying. By the time the whole mess is over, I have one week of peace before the PMS sets in again.
Basically, everything is annoying me right now and I feel like complaining! Argh! I am going to discuss this with my doctor. Guess I should get around to making that two month overdue appointment. Cuz *that* doctor is SO much fun. Bleh. It's right up there with the dentist. Who decides that's what they want to do with their life???
Basically, everything is annoying me right now and I feel like complaining! Argh! I am going to discuss this with my doctor. Guess I should get around to making that two month overdue appointment. Cuz *that* doctor is SO much fun. Bleh. It's right up there with the dentist. Who decides that's what they want to do with their life???
Sunday, April 01, 2007
I totally cannot stand my children
I have absolutely no freaking idea what I was thinking when I decided I wanted kids. I have less of an idea what I was thinking when I chose to adopt two kids whose biological parents were fucked up, drug addict, teenagers. In case anyone was wondering about that whole nature v. nurture issue, it's all nature. No matter what you do, if the kids have bad genetics, you will not change them. And one more thing, everything is genetic. And I do mean everything.
You think that you can raise children to be honest-you can't. Both my children are liars. They lie about stupid stuff, not even just to stay out of trouble. They will look you straight in the face and tell you it's sunny out when it's pouring down rain. Why? No idea. I have tried to instill in them for the past nine years that honesty and trust are the two most important things in relationship with other people. Apparently they do not give a rat's ass. I told my daughter in front of her counselor that I do not trust her out of my sight. Three days later she asks if she can go to the movies with her friend. No adults. Um, no. Why? Uh, because I don't trust you out of my sight. Her response, "whatever". So as you can see-terribly important to her. She was going to be ungrounded yesterday-she was grounded for her miserable report card-so what does she do? Doesn't do her homework so I get a note from her math teacher that she is missing three assignments in two weeks. Mind you, they did not actually have classes all the days of those two weeks. She had two field trips in there and they never have homework on Friday so we are talking about missing three out of probably six assignments. Do I ask her every day if she did all her homework? Yes I do. And what is her answer, every day? Yes. And will she continue with her nonsense bullshit next week, even though she will stay grounded forever because I just don't care anymore? Yes, she will. I am not supposed to ground her indefinitely because it "leads to feelings of hopelessness". Whatever. Guess what, the fact that no matter what I do my kids behave the same way day after day has led to my feelings of hopelessness. Join the freaking club.
While we are on it, school. So, you let your kids know from the very beginning that school is important. You make them do their homework, you meet their teachers, you participate in school functions. This is what you do so that your kids will succeed in school and understand that it is important. Right? Well, that's genetic too. I have miss"I'd rather be pretty than smart" for a daughter and "this is a waste of my time" for a son. Neither of them does jack when it comes to school unless we MAKE them. And I mean MAKE. Not just tell them go do it, no, that would be far to easy. There is screaming, yelling, threatening, punishments and of course they lie and if we want it to actually BE done we have to check every single last assignemnt. We can never just assume something is done because they SAY it is. No one can just DO their schoolwork and be done with it. That would make too much sense.
Today I tell my son, who thinks he is the smartest person in the house (Rob made him admit that he thinks he is smarter than both Alyssa and I) to wash a knife. He doesn't know how. Oh-so who helps him, his sister who he calls stupid at least 20 times a day. He is standing there holding the knife, rubbing it with a sponge, no water, no soap. I tell him he needs water and soap. "Where is the soap?" WHAT? You are kidding me. We have a soap dispenser built into our counter right next to the faucet. It's real hard to find as you can imagine. So I tell him but he doesn't know what I mean. I ask him if he is dumb. This is when Aly intervened and showed him. He is then pumping soap onto the knife-a knife takes a lot of soap you know, and that was when I lost it. He had been standing there, contemplating how to wash a knife for at least three full minutes. Yeah, he's the smartest one in the house. So I told him I don't know what he thinks is going to happen when he runs away (because he still threatens that at least once a week and I swear to god if he does I am so NOT looking for him) because he won't last a day because he is completely incapable of taking care of himself. So he starts SCREAMING at me to stop calling him a stupid idiot. Neither of those words came out of my mouth at any point. A screaming match ensued which ended with me literally trying to strangle him. It was bad. I realized, thankfully I guess, because I really don't want to go to prison, that I should not actually strangle him so I shoved him away from me and crashed into the refrigerator. I have to call Brandon's best friend's mom and tell her I took the mother of the year award away from her today. She was the current holder because she shoved her son into the pantry and then threw a glass across the kitchen and chipped her granite counter top. I think attempted strangulation trumps that though. Her kids are adopted and apparently they have bad genes too. Imagine that.
I then left the room and told Rob he needed to get rid of Brandon. He called Maribeth but she didn't answer so then he tells me that we can't get rid of him because we need to assure him that we are going to keep him. Really? I have been doing that for nine years and if that is what his problem is, it's not really helping anything. Maribeth called me back and I talked to her about it and she said she would take him but he has to go to school and all that and I suppose I can't really get rid of him. But I did tell him that if he was someone I was married to I would have divorced him seven years ago because he is mean to me and I would not put up with it. I am only putting up with it because I have no choice.
I have decided I am over him. He can do what he wants. He can carry on with his little "I'm depressed" routine and then pitch fits every week because he has to go to a counselor. Miraculously, on Thursday nights he is not depressed, Valerie is just a waste of his time. But the rest of the week he doesn't want to do anything and has trouble getting through the day because he is depressed. What he is is a big excuse maker who can't accept any responsibility for himself. Next time he runs away and gives "my mom ignores me" as his excuse, it will be true. Because I am going to ignore him. I really have been left with no choice.
He'll be 12 this year. I am hoping the next six years fly by because when he is 18, unless he can act right and take care of himself, he is out of here.
And there is my rant. I hate kids.
You think that you can raise children to be honest-you can't. Both my children are liars. They lie about stupid stuff, not even just to stay out of trouble. They will look you straight in the face and tell you it's sunny out when it's pouring down rain. Why? No idea. I have tried to instill in them for the past nine years that honesty and trust are the two most important things in relationship with other people. Apparently they do not give a rat's ass. I told my daughter in front of her counselor that I do not trust her out of my sight. Three days later she asks if she can go to the movies with her friend. No adults. Um, no. Why? Uh, because I don't trust you out of my sight. Her response, "whatever". So as you can see-terribly important to her. She was going to be ungrounded yesterday-she was grounded for her miserable report card-so what does she do? Doesn't do her homework so I get a note from her math teacher that she is missing three assignments in two weeks. Mind you, they did not actually have classes all the days of those two weeks. She had two field trips in there and they never have homework on Friday so we are talking about missing three out of probably six assignments. Do I ask her every day if she did all her homework? Yes I do. And what is her answer, every day? Yes. And will she continue with her nonsense bullshit next week, even though she will stay grounded forever because I just don't care anymore? Yes, she will. I am not supposed to ground her indefinitely because it "leads to feelings of hopelessness". Whatever. Guess what, the fact that no matter what I do my kids behave the same way day after day has led to my feelings of hopelessness. Join the freaking club.
While we are on it, school. So, you let your kids know from the very beginning that school is important. You make them do their homework, you meet their teachers, you participate in school functions. This is what you do so that your kids will succeed in school and understand that it is important. Right? Well, that's genetic too. I have miss"I'd rather be pretty than smart" for a daughter and "this is a waste of my time" for a son. Neither of them does jack when it comes to school unless we MAKE them. And I mean MAKE. Not just tell them go do it, no, that would be far to easy. There is screaming, yelling, threatening, punishments and of course they lie and if we want it to actually BE done we have to check every single last assignemnt. We can never just assume something is done because they SAY it is. No one can just DO their schoolwork and be done with it. That would make too much sense.
Today I tell my son, who thinks he is the smartest person in the house (Rob made him admit that he thinks he is smarter than both Alyssa and I) to wash a knife. He doesn't know how. Oh-so who helps him, his sister who he calls stupid at least 20 times a day. He is standing there holding the knife, rubbing it with a sponge, no water, no soap. I tell him he needs water and soap. "Where is the soap?" WHAT? You are kidding me. We have a soap dispenser built into our counter right next to the faucet. It's real hard to find as you can imagine. So I tell him but he doesn't know what I mean. I ask him if he is dumb. This is when Aly intervened and showed him. He is then pumping soap onto the knife-a knife takes a lot of soap you know, and that was when I lost it. He had been standing there, contemplating how to wash a knife for at least three full minutes. Yeah, he's the smartest one in the house. So I told him I don't know what he thinks is going to happen when he runs away (because he still threatens that at least once a week and I swear to god if he does I am so NOT looking for him) because he won't last a day because he is completely incapable of taking care of himself. So he starts SCREAMING at me to stop calling him a stupid idiot. Neither of those words came out of my mouth at any point. A screaming match ensued which ended with me literally trying to strangle him. It was bad. I realized, thankfully I guess, because I really don't want to go to prison, that I should not actually strangle him so I shoved him away from me and crashed into the refrigerator. I have to call Brandon's best friend's mom and tell her I took the mother of the year award away from her today. She was the current holder because she shoved her son into the pantry and then threw a glass across the kitchen and chipped her granite counter top. I think attempted strangulation trumps that though. Her kids are adopted and apparently they have bad genes too. Imagine that.
I then left the room and told Rob he needed to get rid of Brandon. He called Maribeth but she didn't answer so then he tells me that we can't get rid of him because we need to assure him that we are going to keep him. Really? I have been doing that for nine years and if that is what his problem is, it's not really helping anything. Maribeth called me back and I talked to her about it and she said she would take him but he has to go to school and all that and I suppose I can't really get rid of him. But I did tell him that if he was someone I was married to I would have divorced him seven years ago because he is mean to me and I would not put up with it. I am only putting up with it because I have no choice.
I have decided I am over him. He can do what he wants. He can carry on with his little "I'm depressed" routine and then pitch fits every week because he has to go to a counselor. Miraculously, on Thursday nights he is not depressed, Valerie is just a waste of his time. But the rest of the week he doesn't want to do anything and has trouble getting through the day because he is depressed. What he is is a big excuse maker who can't accept any responsibility for himself. Next time he runs away and gives "my mom ignores me" as his excuse, it will be true. Because I am going to ignore him. I really have been left with no choice.
He'll be 12 this year. I am hoping the next six years fly by because when he is 18, unless he can act right and take care of himself, he is out of here.
And there is my rant. I hate kids.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Keeping Track
This morning, Madison, my least favorite DJ on Sirius First Wave, played Rio, the 12" dance version. I think she is trying to keep me from sending hate mail. I was tempted when she said that she receives hate mail from the Alt Nation listeners. That is my second favorite Sirius station and she annoys me on there too, with her Tuesday song-which is, I am sure, why she gets hate mail.
And just to let everyone know, Alyssa got accepted to GCIT for the cosmetology program. A few weeks ago she was talking about going to Williamstown High School and I was concerned that she had changed her mind or had let Sheila talk her out of going somewhere else so that they would be at the same school next year. But she is very excited so I think she was just telling herself she wasn't getting in so that she wouldn't be disappointed. She called her friends to tell them right away and did not even suggest that she didn't want to go there. We signed all the papers to send back tomorrow. Hopefully Williamstown isn't a pain in the ass about the transportation. GCIT said that the home school is supposed to provide busing. It's a county school of choice.
She had a minor meltdown in counseling last night. I made her cry. Then she asked me to leave so she could talk to Kate alone. Yeah, I am a mean mom! Today she is in a much better mood so maybe something was said that got through to her. Who knows! Kate scheduled her for an extra session for next week since she was so upset last night.
And just to let everyone know, Alyssa got accepted to GCIT for the cosmetology program. A few weeks ago she was talking about going to Williamstown High School and I was concerned that she had changed her mind or had let Sheila talk her out of going somewhere else so that they would be at the same school next year. But she is very excited so I think she was just telling herself she wasn't getting in so that she wouldn't be disappointed. She called her friends to tell them right away and did not even suggest that she didn't want to go there. We signed all the papers to send back tomorrow. Hopefully Williamstown isn't a pain in the ass about the transportation. GCIT said that the home school is supposed to provide busing. It's a county school of choice.
She had a minor meltdown in counseling last night. I made her cry. Then she asked me to leave so she could talk to Kate alone. Yeah, I am a mean mom! Today she is in a much better mood so maybe something was said that got through to her. Who knows! Kate scheduled her for an extra session for next week since she was so upset last night.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
BUT
not so mad that I wasn't happy when they played Save a Prayer this morning. Although I was bummed because I was stopping for gas and for some reason the Sirius does not receive at gas stations. So I didn't actually get to hear it.
And not literally mad. Geez! This nonsense just made me remember why I was so "over them". And I just realized, hey, I can go to their web site to look for news. Of course there is none as far as an album. But there was this...
Linger (click me)
You should watch it. I have this song by the way.
And not literally mad. Geez! This nonsense just made me remember why I was so "over them". And I just realized, hey, I can go to their web site to look for news. Of course there is none as far as an album. But there was this...
Linger (click me)
You should watch it. I have this song by the way.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
By The Way
I have been having totally crazy dreams. No sex this time...sorry. The other night I dreamt that I was washing my hands and there were bugs coming out of the faucet and I kept trying to wash off the bugs but there were just more of them. I woke up all freaked out. Ew.
I actually just remembered that I had a really crazy dream the night before last and right now all I can remember was waking up like "Oh my god!" and I can't remember why. Last night I took sleeping pills. I just need to sleep through the night and not be disturbed by my insane subconscious.
OMG...NO WAY...I just went to a dream interpretation site and check this out: (dammit, I can't cut and paste...I know I did before!)
To see a bug in your dream suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxiety and/or fears. ... Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.
I think I need to read interpretations of all dreams. Are they all about worries or sex? Apparently I am worried (which I already know) and have some sort of sexual issue. Because no matter what I dream about, when I look it up, that's what the interpretation is. How does someone come up with bugs and sexual thoughts???
But wait, there's more. If I look it up as "insects" instead of "bugs", and really, how is that different? It says:
To see insects signifies minor obstacles you must overcome. There are small problems and annoyances that need to be dealt with. ... Insects are also said to be symbolic of precision, alertness and sensitivity. You may need to organize your thoughts and sort out your values. Sometimes they are seen as divine messengers.
And how would I know the difference between bugs and insects?
I actually just remembered that I had a really crazy dream the night before last and right now all I can remember was waking up like "Oh my god!" and I can't remember why. Last night I took sleeping pills. I just need to sleep through the night and not be disturbed by my insane subconscious.
OMG...NO WAY...I just went to a dream interpretation site and check this out: (dammit, I can't cut and paste...I know I did before!)
To see a bug in your dream suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxiety and/or fears. ... Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.
I think I need to read interpretations of all dreams. Are they all about worries or sex? Apparently I am worried (which I already know) and have some sort of sexual issue. Because no matter what I dream about, when I look it up, that's what the interpretation is. How does someone come up with bugs and sexual thoughts???
But wait, there's more. If I look it up as "insects" instead of "bugs", and really, how is that different? It says:
To see insects signifies minor obstacles you must overcome. There are small problems and annoyances that need to be dealt with. ... Insects are also said to be symbolic of precision, alertness and sensitivity. You may need to organize your thoughts and sort out your values. Sometimes they are seen as divine messengers.
And how would I know the difference between bugs and insects?
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