Something to do

Why on Earth....

2011-05-02T19:16:00.001-05:00

can't I remember my information to sign into this account!? I had something I wanted to blog about. However, I go so frustrated trying to log in, now I have completely forgotten what that was! Oh well!

For My Reader!

2011-03-21T19:27:00.004-05:00

So I am checking in here because a certain person asked what happened...you know who you are. ;) My only reader.

Brandon was fine. The black eye didn't even last very long. The worst part is that he broke his glasses and they are backordered so he is still wearing contacts. This is a problem because he is s o s l o w in the morning and it adds to his morning routine. Plus, although last year he hated glasses so I had to pay $120 every three months for contacts, this year he decided he hates contacts so now he complains every morning because contacts suck. ::sigh:: He's such a pain in the butt!

The only other thing going on is that I have started trying to get in shape. Since the beginning of the school year I have gained 10 pounds. Now I know some people would say "big deal" to this. However, my pants are all too tight and I don't feel like buying all new clothes! Plus, I have never had an issue with weight in my life so I am hating this! I joined a place that has yoga, pilates and spinning, I figure I can handle those things! The last organized exercise I did was kickboxing and I think I would feel way too old to be there. I felt way too old last time and that was 6 years ago. I get ideas in my head that I will just do stuff at home but I won't. If I even motivate myself to do it, as soon as it starts to get difficult I say "ok, I'm done". Yeah, lame, I know.

If I go to a class, I won't leave because I would be way too embarrassed. Plus, I will go because I am paying for it so I can't justify not going. So far I have been to five yoga classes and two spinning classes. The spinning classes are so hard for me right now. I am tired after ten minutes. It's pathetic! But...I won't leave so I just struggle through. The first time the instructor said the goal was to just keep pedaling the whole time. So I did that. Today I kept pedaling and I actually stood a few times, increased my resistance on "hills" more and did some of the jumps. But it about killed me. I was pretty sure I was going to throw up! Hopefully next time I can do a little more. And although I hate getting up early, I think the Saturday 8am class may be the best option for me. Trying to do that after being on my feet all day may be more than I can take right now!

Yoga on Wednesday.

Waiting Around...

2011-03-01T21:11:00.003-05:00

So I came home today to Brandon with a busted up face because he crashed his bike into a tree. Of course he wasn't wearing his helmet. Why would he be, we've only told him a million times we expect him to wear it every time. He only wears it when he is at the skate park because there is adult supervision there and they have to. Rob took him to the emergency room. I want to make sure he doesn't have a concussion. When you hit your face so hard you have a black eye, that's not a good sign. He is also complaining about his wrist hurting so I want to make sure that's not broken. Spindly little things!

So, they have been there for a little over two hours. Since Rob is no longer answering my texts I assume that means he is being seen or getting x-rays or something. Hopefully they will be home soon. I just want to go to bed!

I think I am over the BMX riding.

High School

2011-02-06T20:57:00.002-05:00

Thank God I am done with that! The evil that is teenaged girls still amazes me. Why are they so crazy? I know I did some things that I would never do as an adult, but when I decided I was not going to be friends with someone anymore, at least I didn't say "hey, and while I am at it, I think I'll spread rumors about her".

I had a message on Facebook today asking me where I took my daughter to get her nipples pierced. Some people are saying that girl Alii did it. Now, the profile it came from, no picture, no info at all...yeah, that's not made up. Now, I don't think Aly has her nipples pierced, she says she doesn't, and I am sure as hell not going to tell her to show me! She was told "no visible piercings" so, even if they are, she followed the rules.

All I can think is that these girls are now trying to get her in trouble at home since they have so far been unable to get her in trouble at school. Which they did, told the VP that she stole hair dye, the teacher went down and said "no, she asked and I said she could take it." So, that didn't work, let's try getting her in trouble with mom. Ugh! I am so annoyed right now.

Has she done some nonsense, of course she has. However, she is not a mean person (well, except to her brother but he's evil to her so it's deserved). I have been told through all of school, from pre-school even, about what a nice girl she is. How she is so kind to her peers, she is helpful, etc. I have never had another parent say complain, never had a complaint from school. I guess she seems like an easy target. Let's all stop being her friend and spread rumors about her.

Freezing

2011-02-03T20:42:00.002-05:00

I am so tired of being cold! When summer comes, I will not complain about being hot. I never complain about being hot. People say "you can always put more clothes on". Guess what, no, I really can't. According to the thermometer on the refrigerator, it is 81 in here, I am shivering. Why? Because I was cold most of the day and I haven't gotten warm yet, even though I have been sitting here for close to 2 hours. The past 45 minutes I have had a blanket wrapped around me too. I am about 20 feet away from a fireplace.

It's really starting to just flat out piss me off. Kinda weird I think but I am feeling really angry and there is no other reason I can think of for that. So, I am going to go get in my bed, with my flannel sheets, turn my electric blanket up to 10 and leave it there until I thaw out!

Stupid winter.

Hello There

2011-01-31T19:25:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in forever...literally, two and a half years. Not really sure what I am going to say. I am just trying to be a little more productive and I think maybe writing is more productive than playing games on my phone. Rob tells me I should post about the nonsense that goes on in my school. I am not sure that is such a good idea. Probably get fired.

Anyway, it had been so long since I posted I didn't remember my log-in information. It took me forever to get that sorted out and then dinner was ready. Now I have laundry to fold so, I'll try again tomorrow!

New Tattoo

2008-10-23T19:46:00.004-05:00

Rob and I got tattoos yesterday. I am putting the pictures on here for those of you who don't have myspace and facebook. The concept was Rob's idea and I decided the night before we would get the same thing.

It's an ambigram of our names. Mine is on my ankle, right side up is his name, upside down it's mine. Rob got his on his arm, my name is right side up on his...and he got black, not purple. Right now it's all red and I have no idea if my other tattoo was like that since I couldn't see it very well.

I have nothing else to talk about really. I'll be raking leaves soon. Woohoo!

I guess I should update

2008-09-28T17:01:00.003-05:00

Going back to school is such a busy time. The first few weeks everyone is not used to the routine plus you have back to school nights at three places. We had some late appointments thrown in there too so the first three weeks of September were pretty much a blur.

So far Brandon likes the middle school. We are not sure if he really likes it or if he just says he does because he insisted on going there because the Catholic school was so horrible. Even if he hated it he would have to say he liked it to save face. The day before school started Rob spent the day running around and yelling at people because they messed up and he had no schedule. The didn't want to give him one because he has an IEP. We said "Yeah, we told you that in June". They wanted to spend the first few days of school testing him and deciding what to do with him. We insisted that he would start like everyone else and know what was going on! Not miss the first day of every class where the teachers tell what is expected and all that stuff. Rob wound up speaking to the head of the child study team who said to get him a schedule. I have to find out if they are doing his OT but other than that things are going fine. He got an Alpha Smart so he can type everything, he loves that. First he said he didn't want it but then he decided it would be better.

Alyssa says she is trying to get better grades this year. I guess we'll see. She has had some issues with her friends. Sheila and Ali are now best friends and neither of them really talks to her. Sheila says hi and calls her when she wants something, like at 6 in the morning can Aly come straighten her hair. She also calls to brag about stuff and then gets mad when Aly doesn't care. So we have not had Sheila around for a long time, by the time her grounding was over, she and Aly weren't talking so it's been since July really. Which is fine with me! Aly seems a little bummed out sometimes but I know that my friendships weren't really established until a little further into 10th grade so I think she'll have it worked out soon.

My schedule at school is insane. The principal is crazy as usual and she has new ideas every year. Why she doesn't realize that nothing will work every because she doesn't give it enough time. You would think someone who makes 6 figures to run a school would know that. So now each grade level has a meeting one morning every six days and the specials teachers get to cover the classrooms while they are meeting. It's first thing in the morning so I get there and get settled, then have to go running off to some other classroom. As soon as I get back I have a class. I barely have time to breathe. The good thing about it is that the day flies by. I am worried that next week when my bus duty starts I am not going to have time to get my plans done. We'll see.

In other news, my dog has diabetes. She was acting weird, drinking a lot and peeing all the time. She peed on our bedroom floor a couple of nights in the middle of the night. So now Rob has to give her two shots a day. We have to feed her twice a day. We're supposed to check her sugar level but we can't get blood out of her. We got the tester, the vet said do it in her ear, she cries, so we know it's sticking her, but no blood. So we just watch and make sure she seems like she's acting ok. She is almost 14.

I guess that's about it. I am not checking this so don't mind any errors!

Some Pictures

2008-08-31T17:18:00.005-05:00

Rob and I went to see NIN at the Wachovia on Friday night. And Beth, I think I was looking at the presale thing. LOL, it was not sold out. Yet somehow, the tickets I got the day they went on sale were HORRIBLE and were totally sideview. I can't be trusted to buy my own tickets. So we get there and I say "I am not staying here" and Rob says "they'll move that light thingie" and I say "no they won't and it's NIN so we need to see the lights and we can't from here". So the show starts and I can literally see Trent's FEET and nothing else. Not working for me. I look around and say "we are moving to that section back there." So by the end of the first song we were in a completely different section. Just walked right past the security people like we knew what we were doing. Well, we did, we were going to sit in seats that weren't ours.

As I knew from reading set lists and comments, we needed to see the lights. For reference, unless you are into being on the floor, GA, and getting smushed, straight back from the stage is where you want to be at a NIN show, far enough that you can see the whole stage. Awesome show, about 2 1/2 hours long, really good mix of old and new. Trent might know what he's doing. ;) So here are the pics I took.

So, as you can see, sideview would not really have worked. And I want to go again but the closest show is Charlottesville, VA. Crap. But he's playing in Ohio like three times. WTF? Ohio???

Were we ever this ridiculous???

2008-08-27T15:48:00.003-05:00

I just emailed Beth and was telling her this story. I thought Becca might want to hear it too. So here it is.

Here's something... Aly wasn't really talking to Sheila for a while because of the whole grounding thing. So she was talking to this other girl named Ali. Ali knows Sheila from gymnastics and Aly knows Ali because she used to date this guy Jeremy, then Jeremy broke up with Ali for my Aly. So they were NOT friends. This is a fantastic teen drama story.

So Ali is dating Todd. She breaks up with Todd to go back out with Jeremy, this was about a month ago. Then Todd starts talking to Aly. Meantime, Ali is talking to some guy named Mike but still with Jeremy. Jeremy doesn't want her to talk to Mike. Wonder why? Maybe because she was with Todd and talking to Jeremy then dumped Todd for Jeremy. So Todd and Aly are friends. Ali tells her she doesn't want her talking to Todd. I am like "huh?" So Aly is mad because who does Ali think she is. She asks me can she meet Todd at the park, I said ok but then it was late so I said Todd could come here but no park. So Todd came here. Todd is actually cute btw. Every other guy Aly has told me is cute I say "seriously?" Oh yeah, and Mike sent Aly a myspace message and she's not allowed to talk to him either. Ali told Aly she doesn't want her talking to Todd because 'she still cares about him'.

So it's like this big secret that Aly is talking to Todd. Sheila is taking Ali's side, basically Aly should do what they say. So Aly is talking to no one but Kelsey. Aly was supposed to see Todd Monday but he had a show and it was over late. Then she finds out that Sheila and Ali are at this show. It was at Franklinville bowling alley or some such. Then Todd tells Aly he is in love with Ali so he is not going to talk to her anymore. Aly then finds out that Ali broke up with Jeremy. So I say "Oh, so he thinks he's getting her back?" Then Sheila tells Aly that at this show the other night, Todd had a hickey, so they speculate Aly did it. Aly did not put it there, Ali did not put it there. So I say, basically, what you are telling me is Todd is an asshole?

Aly wants to know why people think they can tell her what to do. I agree with her. But seriously, did we act like this about boys???

Some complaints that no one wants to hear!!!

2008-07-19T20:42:00.002-05:00

Alyssa is babysitting my cousin Kendra's boys, Dominic, age 7 and Devante, age 4. She is there 2 days a week, it started out as 4 but after ONE week my aunt's neighbor became available and Alyssa was more than happy to give up two days to her! I think you all know about Kendra. I am not even going to get into it. She's my cousin, she's 26, divorced, her mom has custody of her two boys, she has her 2 year old daughter in Miami with her pimp/boyfriend/baby-daddy. She's a fine, up-standing citizen. My aunt receives no child support from her or their father. She won't go after her daughter because she's afraid she'll get arrested because of the outstanding warrants against her. She won't go after the father because she's afraid he'll try to get custody. Yeah, he can't afford $200 a month and he's going to take them full time? I think not. Besides which, I think the court can see, oh yeah, she's had them for three years, you have paid not one dime, she has not asked for one dime, now she's asking and you want them? I don't think so. They would see that it was only to avoid support.

The reason Aly was more than happy to give up half her income is that Dominic is a holy terror. He hits and kicks Devante, then when Aly puts him in time out he screams and yells and kicks the bedroom door and when that fails to get a response out of her (because it does get a response out of everyone else so that is what he is used to) he comes out of the room and hits and kicks Devante some more. Aly had scratches all over her legs the first week from him kicking at her. This past week they were at the park, he wanted to go home "the long way" Aly did not, Devante did not, but Aly said ok figuring she'd rather not have the tantrum and Devante is a sweet natured child. He did not spend much time with his mother. Dominic did. Most of Devante's time with his mother he was an infant. So they start on the long way and he changes his mind but as far as Aly is concerned there is no point turning back then so she says we're going this way and he throws himself on the ground and starts screaming. Aly calls home, Rob told her to walk away, just leave him, he'll follow. So she did and he did and by the time they got back to the house he had given up the screaming. I told Aly it will take a little time but hopefully, according to behavior modification, he will learn that she will not respond to negative behavior so he will not employ it to get her attention. Since no one got kicked that day, maybe it is starting to work.

Now, Aly is watching them at their house because my aunt really cannot afford to keep these kids and she absolutely cannot afford full time day care for two kids, one of whom is a 4 year old still in diapers. So Aly is only making $25 a day for putting up with this nonsense. However, she does nothing all day anyway, she can text her friends and go on myspace at my aunt's house too so at least this way she gets paid. But my point is that my aunt is not going to get away with paying $100 a week for day care any place else! What I am really saying, I guess, is beggar's can't be choosers.

So the other day my aunt calls me and asks if I have a minute to talk. She doesn't want to get Aly in trouble but how do we deal with her when she doesn't put stuff back where it belongs? She has been baking (which she was told she could do) but she doesn't put things back in the right place. She's cleaning up, but not "right". I said "Yeah, we don't. That's just Aly." And then I said, "I mean, she knows where stuff goes here so it's usually not an issue. If it is I would just call her and say 'put this where it goes'. But that's it." Apparently my aunt has never heard of choosing your battles. She's not leaving a mess, she's trying to put things away, what exactly is your complaint here? Tell her she can't bake then. I don't know what you want me to say.

Then she tells me that she told Aly that day to give the boys cereal or pancakes (from the freezer) for breakfast. But she thinks Aly made them eggs anyway and she is going through too many eggs and she can't be buying three dozen eggs a week. My gut response to this was "Are you fucking kidding me?" But what I said was "Did you specifically say not to make eggs today? Because if not, she may have made them for lunch. She made eggs almost every day when she got home from school." I said Aly was good for following the letter of the law but not necessarily the spirit and she may not have made eggs for breakfast which is what you told her not to do. OK, so we're letting that one go.

Then she tells me Aly was going through her stuff in the bathroom, which I can agree is completely unacceptable and there is no need for her to be doing and said I would talk to her about it. Aly says she was not going through her stuff in the bathroom, however, she has a history of that. She used Lisa's mascara one day when she was watching her girls. There are items missing from my room (which she tried to say Lisa did-yeah, Lisa took face powder when she doesn't even wear make-up and sparkly, flavored body powder for what reason?) So, I think she did go through the stuff in the bathroom so I said "Whatever, say out of her shit."

But seriously, I am SO annoyed about the eggs and the not putting things back exactly how they go. If you don't like it, put them in day care or summer camp and pay $250 a week for it, then you won't have a bored 15 year old in your house. And if you can't afford the $250 then suck it up, buy some more eggs and let your stuff not be perfect for two months. Your daughter is a prostitute, maybe you have bigger things to worry about!!!

Oh yeah, and she was upset because when Dominic was screaming in the park she called home instead of calling her and why didn't she just call her? I dunno, because she's 15 and her gut response is to call her own parents for help. Why does it matter? I don't think she should call her because that will probably make Dominic worse. My aunt will make idle threats through Aly and then he'll be even worse. I told Aly to just call us, it was fine.

Yeah, so I already bitched to my dad about some of this stuff because it's his sister. He totally agrees with me that she can't handle these boys and needs to end them to their dad. But he doesn't want to be involved so I try not to complain too much to him. I don't want to say anything to Rob because he gets really pissed off about it. He wants to tell Kendra off, which is not going to do any good. But he'll get all worked up and I don't want to deal with that. So, there ya go...my rant!

Sad News

2008-06-18T08:58:00.003-05:00

We had to have Kitty put to sleep last night. When we took her to the vet in April she was down to 5.5 pounds. They did a bunch a blood work which all came back ok. Then she stopped eating, we're not quite sure exactly when, she was eating lots of treats which she had never done and we were giving them to her when she came for them because she needed to gain weight anyway. We got her a bunch of wet food thinking maybe she was just tired of her dry food. She ate that a little better but not much. Rob took her to the vet on Monday and he said she needed to have her teeth pulled and maybe if we gave her antibiotics it would clear up the infection so she would eat and then they could do it. We also got her baby food. Yesterday morning when I checked, she had not eaten anything. I got home around noon and I couldn't get her to eat or drink. I sat with her almost all afternoon. Then after Rob was home she tried to get up and she couldn't stand.

So we took her to the emergency vet because it was after 8 by then. He said that older cats, if nothing else kills them, will die from kidney failure, he said her kidneys were really small and her behavior and symptoms indicate kidney failure. Since she was also an approximately 10 year old cat who was fiv positive, she had lived longer than expected. He said the outside estimate for a cat with fiv is 8 years. He gave us all the options but didn't think that there was much chance. He said he has seen lots of cats in that condition and very few of them bounce back. Given the additional issues, we decided it did not make sense to put her through that.

We brought her home and Rob buried her in the back yard. It was very sad.

I Can't Believe I Forgot

2008-06-09T18:54:00.002-05:00

At the She Wants revenge concert, there was this guy that came in with two women. He looked like the world's biggest asshole so what was going on with that I cannot even fathom. Obviously he was very impressed with himself. The women were SO drunk I am pretty sure one of them didn't even know she was there. The other one was dancing all over like she was the only person in the place. I wanted to knock her over just for fun. There were these two young guys standing next to us and they were totally making fun of the dancing. During the very last song the extra drunk woman pulled the dancing woman's shirt off. So then she was dancing around in her bra. Then she started dancing all over one of the guys that was next to me. I thought he was going to die and his friend was going to pee himself laughing. Rob and I were laughing at him too. I have to say, in all the concerts I have ever been to, and I couldn't even begin to tell you how many that is, I have never seen anyone act like that.

I Like Hot Weather

2008-06-08T20:39:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we went to the Appel Farms Arts and Music Festival. Rob, Brandon and I and Brandon's friend Nick and his father. Alyssa was invited and said she didn't want to go. Of course, yesterday she and Sheila were wandering around here complaining about being bored. Sheila was mad when she found out Aly had said no she didn't want to go. Rob wanted to give in and let them come but the tickets prices started at $30, went up to $35 and were $40 day of so I said nope. We got there around 3 and man was it hot!!! I had to adjust, at first I thought I was gonna barf, but then I was ok. There was a band playing called Enter the Haggis who sounded pretty good. Then we saw the Smithereens. After that we moved over to the other stage. There was a lot more shade there but you couldn't feel the breeze so I am not sure which one was better. On that stage we saw...well, heard, They Might be Giants. We left around 6:30. Sheila said "why are you all wet?" when we got home.

Today I stayed inside and cleaned. There is just so much to get together around here some days I don't know where to start. I did a bunch of laundry, washed some curtains. Rob helped me hang a new curtain rod and I put the curtains up. I also tried to fix the end of the one that broke. I thought it was fixed but then the glass ball fell off. Miraculously it didn't break. But since I thought it was fixed, those curtains are back up too. Exciting stuff.

Friday night we went to Philly and saw an improv show. A guy I work with is in a couple of improv groups and he always gives me flyers. It's pretty funny. We saw him one other time, that was with his other group, I think the first one was a little funnier.

Last weekend we went to the TLA to see She Wants Revenge. When we got there some band called the Switches was playing. They were pretty good. I have heard one of their songs a couple of times on Alt Nation. Then it was Be You Own Pet, I think I would be able to stand them for one or two songs. But after a couple of songs it was all starting to sound the same to me. Just punk screaming. She Wants Revenge was really good but their set was kinda short because the singer was sick. Oh yeah...I make a really bad groupie...when we were out front getting tickets, the singer was standing about a foot away from me. I looked at him, thought "huh, he looks like he might be in the band." I said to Rob "I think that guys is in the band." Then when he came on stage I said "yep, he is." Haha. Suzy has a better handle on the whole groupie thing.

The next day I myspace commented their page that it was a good show. Some guy then requests me as a friend so I added him. He had pictures of himself with the singer, apparently he recognizes band members. Says he's been following the singer for like 15 years or something so, with his other endeavors and whatever, that might be why he recognizes him and I don't.

Next weekend is the autism walk. Then only one more day of school with kids. Yay! I am looking forward to being home and getting some stuff done around here. It's neverending!

Update

2008-05-29T20:08:00.002-05:00

Brandon has his school play last week. They performed Into the Woods, Brandon had the part of the Mysterious Man. According to him he was hardly in the play at all, "had two lines" and died in the beginning. When he got the part he was mad and the teacher in charge told me she knew he wasn't happy but it was a very important role in the play. Well, he had way more than 2 lines, it was an important role, there were several roles that were much smaller (he could have been a chicken, for example) and he wasn't killed until just before the final scene. He's nuts. He did a great job though.

Photo

2008-05-19T19:55:00.001-05:00

My mom hates having her picture taken. But my sister-in-law took this picture of her and my nephew Andrew. Isn't it cute.

Hi Becca

2008-05-19T19:45:00.003-05:00

I am nowhere near as bad as Beth with updating my blog. She never writes! I am trying really hard to get myself back together. I don't know if you were reading my blog last year around this time, I was kind of a mess. I am much better than that now, but I had a rough summer and fall and I am working my way through it all. I got disorganized, cluttered, late on bills, the whole nine yards, and I am finally getting back on track.

This is for Beth and Birm too, I haven't forgotten anyone, I love you all and miss you. There are many days when I think "wow, I haven't seen anyone for so long." I have been focusing on me and my marriage. With everything going on with me physically and emotionally I don't have much time left for anything after that!

I may be getting into PMS time because this is getting all maudlin (to use one of Beth's words).

At any rate, I am looking forward to summer. Only 19 more days of school and I called out tomorrow! We have rented a house for a week in Cape May. Birm, I hope you will plan to come down! We can get in some beach time. I'll just have to get you good directions! Of course, anyone who is reading this is welcome, just that Birm is my beach buddy!

So, that's it. Want pictures of my cat staring at herself in a mirror? Beth says she looks possessed, which is not nice! People get red eye, cats get green! I usually take pictures of our leaves to post, but it was raining and they picked them up today. Oh well. We're not done yet!

Now Look...

2008-04-26T18:37:00.002-05:00

at what's in my yard.

We were eating pizza and Rob saw it on the pool cover. It was trying to dig through the pool cover, stupid thing. I scared it before I thought "hey, might wanna take a picture of that" so it was using stealthy tricks to get away. Did you know they could climb trees?

So I realize the picture is small. Yeah...that's a raccoon. It was huge.

And update on Little Bit. He got into a recycling bucket and we didn't know and he couldn't get out, so he's dead. But at least I didn't kill it so I don't have to feel bad about it!

I Am in a Mood

2008-04-14T12:21:00.002-05:00

Something has got me in a mood today. I am really wound up. I think it's the contents of my inbox. I just read certain things and it's just like, you cannot be serious! Are some people really that stupid? Or just delusional? I don't know. Anyway, if anyone gets on the wrong side of me today they are going to get the rant that I am holding back!

Yesterday, someone (whose name I am not revealing because of the crazy involved) sent me an email that Cara has pictures of the kids on her myspace page under the heading "my older kids". Yeah, you don't HAVE older kids. You gave birth to them, neglected them for a few years and then gave them away. Now, I don't think she reads this, but if she does, good, she can see this. I wasn't mad or anything, more annoyed than anything else. I told Alyssa and she said, and I quote, "Oh my god! Freak much? We're not her kids!" Those were Alyssa's words. She wanted to see what pictures she had up. We showed her, she said "I don't even remember some of those pictures. Ew!" Brandon's response was "WHAT!? That's creepy." So, even the kids are not thrilled with this.

So I sent her an email telling her that I did not appreciate it very much. The kids thought it was weird and I was no longer going to keep in contact with her or send her pictures since this is what she is doing. She responds basically by saying that I need to accept that they are her kids. No sweetie, you need to accept that they are my kids. She said something about them making a decision when they are adults. Um, do you seriously think they are going to come back to you as adults? Yes, I think they will want to see her and talk to her. But I know they are not going to decide I am not their mother and she is.

She is under the delusion that we are providing for them materially but she is their mother. Right. That's what it is. They just live in our house and we give them stuff but they are sitting there pining away for their "real" mother. Brandon has some issues as far as that, but Alyssa does not consider her a mother at all. Or if she does she is really, really good at lying about it. Aly thinks she's crazy.

She thinks she did me some favor and if it wasn't for her I wouldn't even have kids! I don't have my own kids because of her. Two emotionally traumatized children was all I could handle so I chose not to have any of my own!

I know Kate will tell me not to respond. I just don't know if I can do that. Sometimes you jsut have to tell people when they are just really insane!

I am bored out of my mind!!!

2008-04-05T15:35:00.002-05:00

I am home all by myself. Someone is supposed to be delivering my new refrigerator and here I sit. They were supposed to come between 11:30 and 3. They will call 1/2 hour before they come. It is now 4:38 and I have not heard from them. So I guess this means I will be sitting here until after 5. I was supposed to go out to dinner with my mom, Aly, Ellen and Andrew. Since we can't make plans, now everyone is coming here for pizza. Which is fine, but means I won't get out of the house today. My mom called and said they would just come here and I said come now, I am bored to death! I guess I should clean up so we can eat at my table.

I have not had a good week. I could rant forever. So I'll clean up before my mom and sister-in-law, who have spotless houses, get here.

I'm Bored

2008-03-08T20:50:00.002-05:00

So we have to do Bingo for Brandon's school, which blows, and Rob is at Bingo and I am bored out of my mind. It's funny because not that long ago I was happy to be alone when he went to Bingo, but now I don't like it. It's a new experience for me to actually like being married and want to spend time with my husband.

Anyway, what's going on around here...On Monday Rob wakes me up with "I need to talk to you about something". Those who read this who know 'everything' will obviously understand that this is not a good thing to hear. He then tells me that the refrigerator leaked, the kitchen floor is wet, part of the basement ceiling fell down, the carpet down there is wet. Argh. This is ok though considering what I thought it could be about! The insurance company came Thursday then sent some clean up people. They tore the carpet out of the basement and ripped up part of my kitchen floor. Some appliance people are coming Thursday because the insurance company doesn't want anything fixed until we know what happened. So that's fun.

I put in for a transfer to a middle school for next year. However, they are talking about cutting two librarians at the high school so one of them may get that job. We'll see. I am still hoping. I have been around longer than they have and if they didn't put in for it, it may be their tough luck when one of them gets stuck with my job. I am hoping that the transfers get processed before cuts are finalized.

That's really it I guess. Nothing exciting. Like I said...I'm bored.

My Godson Joshua

2008-02-20T17:00:00.001-05:00

Hey all...my sister-in-law sent me this link. My nephew/godson, Joshua, is in this video that his kindergarten class made. He is the blonde in the blue shirt and silver sequined vest. It's about 2 minutes long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIzoYC4X7T4

And He's the "Smart One"

2008-01-21T14:50:00.000-05:00

So this morning I am about to get in the shower, I tell Brandon to go eat something. It was almost 11 so I thought he should eat before he got all involved with his games. He says he's going to have some oatmeal. No problem, he has made oatmeal before, you boil water in the microwave, no big deal. I get in the shower.

When I get out of the shower I spray the shower spray and at first I just smell that, then I smell something that is sort of sickening sweet. I don't think a lot about it because I have a cold and stuff has smelled weird to me the past few days. I figured it was just the spray, soap, my lotions, whatever, all mixed up. I finished getting dressed, drying my hair, etc. When I go into the hall, there is Brandon sitting at the bottom of the stairs, head in hands. So I ask "what's wrong?"

"I thought that we boiled water on the stove and I melted a plastic cup." I have a ceramic stove top in case you don't know that. So, because I don't want to freak out right then and there, my response to this is "go sort your laundry". Which he does without argument, so I know it's gonna be bad.

For some reason, Brandon took a large, four cup, plastic measuring cup (you only need 1/2 cup of water for oatmeal) put it on top of the stove and turned it on, no doubt on high. I don't think I need to tell anyone how that turned out. I just look at it and think 'oh my god'. The fumes are absolutely toxic so I open a window and turn on the vent, yeah, it's all of 25 degrees outside. I tell Rob what happened so he leaves work to come home and try to clean it up.

When I am sure I am beyond the point where I will scream I ask Aly what happened. Her story went like this: I was sleeping, Sheila texted me that I left my charger there and I was just getting ready to go write you a note that I was going to get it and Brandon came running up the steps saying 'I need you to help me'. I could smell something gross. He said he put a plastic cup on the stove and I thought he meant like, just a little cup, but no, I didn't think he was so stupid as to try to cook something on the stove in a plastic cup. And he left it sitting there while he came and got me. I mean, at least take it off the stove. And he's supposed to be the smart one.

I thanked her for moving it off the stove completely instead of setting it somewhere else on the stove where the melted part would just fuse to another part of the stove. She even set it on a paper towel first so that it didn't get anything on the counter. She does have some common sense.

Rob spent about an hour and a half and it mostly came off, however, there is still some that is like below the surface so now we are going to have to look into either replacing the top or the whole stove. Fun. Because I feel like buying a new stove. In case you are curious as to what it looks like when you melt a plastic measuring cup onto a ceramic stove top, I took some pictures.

Little Bit

2008-01-07T20:17:00.000-05:00

Last week I went into the garage to take out some recycling and sitting on the edge of one of the buckets was a mouse. I slammed the door and came back inside. We always have mice in the garage in the winter. We have never seen them, in the Spring, we see the messes they leave behind. A few months ago I had a mouse in my car but that's another story. So Rob had been saying he wants a pet mouse, I say no and we have a cat. So I see this mouse and go onto chat and tell him that I am going to put Kitty in the garage. He says "Noooo". I would not do that and he knows it, but that's beside the point.

Last night I go out to put some recycling in the bucket, and in the bucket, jumping up, over and over is the mouse. It is stuck in the bucket. I scream and go back in the house. Of course, Rob wants to know why I am screaming so I tell him, "your new pet is in the recycling bucket". Rob proceeds to give the mouse a pair of socks and a cracker. I reminded him later that the mouse will need water. In the morning he gave the mouse a lid full of water. I heard from Brandon that it was peeking out from under the socks. I did not see it in the morning, although I looked in the bucket. I guess it was hiding in the socks. I told Rob last night we had to release the mouse, we cannot keep a wild creature, and it was agreed that we would release the mouse when everyone was home and could watch.

When we got home I looked in the bucket and did not see the mouse. I poked around with the long reach thing that Rob's mom gave us for some odd reason. The only other person I know with one of those things is my grandmother and she is 84. But I digress. I did not see the mouse. Alyssa tells me it's in the sock, she saw it when she came home. Then she asks if she can call Sheila over to see the mouse. I said DO NOT TRY TO TOUCH THE MOUSE, several times.

After the girls looked at the mouse and I got done sorting out why Sheila and Brandon were shouting at each other, Alyssa informs me that she tried to move the sock because they couldn't see the mouse and the mouse ran up her arm, jumped off and ran away. So we were not pleased with her because everyone was supposed to be a part of releasing the mouse; and that was supposed to happen outside...but now the mouse is still in the garage. She lost her phone and computer privileges for the evening because when we say "don't do _____" she does it.

I have no doubt that the mouse, who Rob named Little Bit, will manage to get itself stuck back in the bucket in no time at all, especially since the cracker is still in there.

Oh yeah...here it is. Cute isn't it?

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T20:20:00.001-05:00

Just a note to say Happy New Year to the three of you who read this. Rob and I went to a bar/restaurant right in Williamstown for New Year's Eve. They had dinner, dancing and two hours of open bar included in the price which was $55. That was pretty good as far as we could tell. Most of the things we saw were over $100. We had a good time until at midnight we went to the dance floor for the countdown and stuff. Shortly afterward we were heading back to the table and someone stepped on my foot. Spiked heel right on two of my toes, slid down between them so I have broken skin and a lovely bruise. Plus it hurts a lot. We put ice on it at the table. I was crying, in public, so you know it hurt a LOT. Here are a couple of photos...

Snow Ball 2007

2007-12-23T19:45:00.000-05:00

Suzy is here so of course we had to get together and see her. Sorry we missed you Becca. Here are some photos from the evening. First we had dinner at Marrakesh. Kim met me at my house and drove up with us, she was only 10 minutes late! Go Kim! Very exciting. Suzy's sister Lisa and her husband Tom brought Suzy and John so there were 9 of us at dinner. It was a lot of fun. When the belly dancer came by we told her it was Lisa's birthday so she had to get up for the lesson. Here is a picture of that.

Pic of Suzy, John and I. Suzy is wearing her napkin/towel as a bib so she doesn't get her white top messy.

Then we went to a club that just so happened to have an 80s night when Suzy was here. It was way crowded which I was totally not expecting. The first place we tried to find to dance there was no room, so I dragged Suzy up onto the stage for a song. Beth told us later that we pissed off some scary girl and she was glaring at us for the whole song. It was "boys Don't Cry" by the Cure for anyone who wants to know. If I had known that she thought she owned that stage, I think we would have stayed up there!!

Several minutes after that Beth said "Hey, it's Kristen"! So we went over to hang out with her. Apparently she goes to this 80s night every month with some friends. Everyone cancelled so she was there with her husband. As soon as we came over he said hello to everyone then he said "Good, you have friends here now so I'm leaving" and he did! But here she is...looks the same as ever.

Now, for all of you who read this, (ok, Becca and Heather) I have to share this story...Beth and I have had conversations, me teasing and saying that my friends here are lame and won't go out dancing and I have to go to Florida to go out dancing with Stacy and Cynthia and Beth says "Yeah, that's not my thing". However, she is a big fat liar and had as good a time as Suzy and I and here is the proof! And I know you will hate this picture Beth, but who looks here except the four of us??

Oh! I forgot to mention, check out what Lisa is wearing. She was planning on going home after dinner and skipping the club because she was not feeling well the night before. However, she was feeling much better and we were having a great time so she wanted to go to the club but she was wearing work clothes. So Suzy says "Let's go to the stripper store" we were on South Street after all. So we did and Lisa got that corset to wear. And then announced "man, that's a lot of tits I have"! LOL! She looks really good and consider that she is the first of us to be 40!

We are hoping that Heather is out of the boot by February so that we can go back for the Mute Records anniversary party. A celebration of Depeche Mode and Erasure so there is some incentive for you! As if you can do anything about it. Finally, here are a couple of random pictures. If you want to see any more there are some on my MySpace page and Suzy's. Becca, you can't look at mine because only 'friends' can see my pictures. I have to have it that way because of my job.

Life Lessons

2007-12-10T19:21:00.000-05:00

So here is the story of what happened yesterday. Aly wanted some boy named Cody to come over on Saturday. I said no because we had to go to my grandmother's funeral. She wanted him to come over later in the evening but he needed a ride home and I did not feel like doing that so the answer was still no. I was feeling generous and was was going to tell her that he could come over Sunday because she got a bum deal the rest of the weekend. She has to stay home with her brother on Fridays and then Saturday she had to go to a funeral. So we are eating breakfast at noon (teehee) on Sunday and this kid just shows up. Rob was mad and wanted to send him home but I was going to let her invite him over so I said let him stay and we will discuss this with her later. The end result of that was she never told him that we said it was ok for him to come over.

So he comes in, Aly is not even dressed. He introduces himself, obviously, I sent Aly to gt dressed, and I had Brandon show him where the PlayStation was. When Aly came down I asked her who brought him, she said his dad, and then I asked if his dad smokes or if it is him that smokes. She tells me she asked him and he said he does not smoke, so she guesses his dad.

She calls Sheila to come over, then they all went to Sheila's to decorate the Christmas tree. When they came back, Rob and I were cleaning the garage. Rob went in the house for something, came out and told me "teen drama unfolding". A few minutes later, Aly, Shelby and Sheila come into the garage and Aly is crying. I ask her what's wrong. She's upset because he lied. He does smoke. She doesn't understand why he lied about it. I said, "What have I told you? This is your lesson for the day, I know what I am talking about, BOYS LIE."

After we took him home I asked her if she asked him why he lied. He said because he knew that both she and Sheila didn't like it and he thought they wouldn't like him if they knew. (So why he went out and smoked when he was at Sheila's-no idea, whatever.) But anyway, that just proves my point that boys will say whatever if they think it will get them what they want. Is it wrong to teach my daughter that? I think not!

Today she came home and told me that "everyone" at school said Cody is also on drugs. So I think we're done with Cody. He seemed like a nice enough kid and didn't look like he was on drugs, but who knows.

Are You Kidding Me

2007-12-02T13:25:00.000-05:00

What is with this weather?! Of course, I have wonderful bus duty starting tomorrow. Supposed to be freezing and wet. Just one more reason to hate my job.

It's That Time Again

2007-11-25T14:26:00.000-05:00

These photos represent ONE HOUR of raking. So I guess I could also title this one million reasons to live in an apartment. This is only from the driveway and along the very front of the yard. Notice that in the last picture, taken up close to the house, behind those trees in the front, leaves are still a foot deep on the ground.

On another note, if you look through my old posts you can find last year's leaf pictures and compare the house. We got a new roof, new front door and had the siding capped in a non-ugly color.

So, now I am off to continue working on the kitchen. One day that may actually be finished.

Aly's Jeans

2007-11-21T18:36:00.000-05:00

We have had this issue with Aly coming home with her jeans and arms written all over. I spoke to her a few weeks ago about the jeans and told her there was not to be any more jeans written on. I have never bothered to read what is on her jeans, stupid teenager crap I figure.

So last Friday she apparently wore a pair of these jeans with writing all over them to school. When I said goodbye to her I didn't notice. I generally check her top because she's usually try to wear something low cut or sheer, if she's wearing a skirt, I look at it, but she wasn't so...whatever. So around noon I get a call from the vice principal that there are "inappropriate things" written on her jeans. I told him we had already spoken about the writing on the jeans and asked what it said. So he told her she could read exactly what it said on her pants to me. He had her on speakerphone. So in a very shaky voice, because she knew she was in big trouble, she reads "I sucked Jessie's enormous dick". Lovely. Jess is a girl btw and apparently she is the one who wrote this.

So I told him we could not go get her because of where we work, he said she had to sit in the office for the rest of the day and if it happened again she would be sent home. I am fairly certain it won't happen again! She was bored out of her mind sitting in the office for 2 1/2 hours and she was bored out of her mind sitting home all weekend with no phone or computer. She had lunch detention Monday and was told that if it happens again she will lose the Hershey Park trip in the Spring.

So that's the story of Aly's jeans.

Bleh

2007-11-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

I am not sure what is going on with me. All the sudden last night I started feeling really sad and all that nonsense. No reason at all. I am not sure if it is because of the cold weather, if I was tired or if it has reached the point in the year where my job starts getting to me. Of course, it could be all of those things.

I was thinking that I would stay at my job for a few more years, definitely next year while Brandon will still be in middle school, but then I was contemplating staying until he is out of high school because Rob and I are talking about moving out of this big house when both kids are out of high school. We have discussed moving into the city where we don't have to have two cars, can get a smaller place and not have to deal with yardwork and then I can either not work or just do something that I enjoy and don't necessarily require that income to eat. But after a few months I reach the point where I can't imagine coming into work for one more day, let alone six more years. I have also reached the point in the pay scale where I will be making a decent amount of money, especially since I really do only work half as many days as most people. I still think it's a harder job than most people have, but I do have off half the year with the holidays and summers.

So anyway, I am just doing chores and junk like that today. Things I have been blowing off for weeks. Which could also be what is wrong with me. There is so much to do around here that we really can't just blow off entire weekends and that is what we have been doing. We painted the kitchen and since then have done nothing. It would probably take one day to finish the kitchen completely, but we have just done nothing for the past three weekends.

This weekend we didn't even do date night. I think that was a bad idea. Things were going really well, Friday I was just really tired and didn't want to do anything but stay in and sleep. So we watched a movie together and then went to sleep. Then Saturday we slept late and went to my dad's for dinner. Rob had a bad allergic reaction to the new cats so he was tired when we came home. We were supposde to watch a movie but he fell asleep so I watched it by myself. After that was when I started feeling really down. So I think it was the combination of everything, and I was pretty tired too. I think I can deal with work this week since it is only 2 1/2 days, but the week after that could be another story. And once we come back from Christmas, I am really going to have problems dragging myself out of bed every day.

I guess I will go back to the original plan which was to research what else I can do with the education I have that will allow me to make at least what I am making now (which is not public libraries) and that I may actually like. Back to chores. Bleh.

Better Late than Never

2007-11-15T19:45:00.000-05:00

or, as my pledge class motto, better late than pregnant. Either way...

Last Thursday Rob and I went to see Duran Duran on Broadway. I would have liked to go with my usual Duran friends but they had other stuff going on and it just wasn't going to work out. Beth pretty much summed it up in her email to everyone, just when you think you are going to see them because you *have* to, they go and put on a fantastic show. I am not really crazy about the new album but I like it better live. I have noticed recently that I like most music better live-Morrissey for example.

But anyway, the new music was first, then an electro-set or something like that. I was espcially excited by that because tey did some different songs. Last Chance on the Stairway and some stuff from Big Thing, which is my favorite album. Then of course were the obligatory top tens-minus Hungry Like the Wolf, which is always a plus. Rob and I had a good time and I am glad that I decided to go.

I am not however, glad that we drove. We sat in traffic for two hours. We went a half mile in that amount of time. It was a nightmare. I have also decided that being trapped gives me panic attacks. I have them once in a while and I had one after being stuck in that one spot for all that time and then having to go through the tunnel. The whole problem was that there was only one lane going into the tunnel. But once we got out of there I noticed that I was especially wound and on edge. Fun.

Nothing much else is going on. Things are going well here. I went to the NJ Assoc. of School Librarian conference yesterday and today. My assistant and I stayed overnight. Nothing exciting. I thought it was interesting that there was a hot tub there and she and I seemed to be the only people who took advantage of that. Bunch of fuddy-duddys! Whatever, we didn't have to deal with anyone else that way-so it was better anyhow. Neither of us really likes people.

Rob and I are trying to decide what to do for date night this week. One of the choices is dinner and a movie. We decided that even though the counselor said that movies don't count, we have been talking and spending a lot of time together so if we want to go to a movie, we will! We'll see. I am going to go hang with Rob for a while now since I wasn't home last night.

Date Night

2007-11-05T19:40:00.000-05:00

Rob and I have been going out on date night on Fridays. We started a few weeks ago. It's good that we have kids who are now old enough that we can say "see ya" and just leave them home. So far we have gone to the Mutter Museum and to dinner one week, the next week we went to a concert, She Wants Revenge, on Thursday and then saw Rocky Horror on Friday-but according to the therapist, movies don't count. I had never seen it and it was playing at the IMax for Halloween. This past week we went on a ghost tour in Philly. It was ok but we went on one in Charleston before and that one was much better. I am in charge of planning this coming week. Thursday we are going to see Duran Duran on Broadway. I am also planning dinner on Friday because I am not sure the DD concert counts. Although it is something different than what we usually do. But since movies don't count because you can't talk and whatnot, I am not sure if concerts count either. Although we will have a long car ride where we can talk.

So that is really all that is going on here. My sister-in-law and mother-in-law are drving us crazy worrying about Alyssa's MySpace page. It would be nice if everyone would just let me parent my own kids. I don't bother them about their kids! Everyone can decide how to raise their own!

About the Weather

2007-10-22T15:10:00.001-05:00

It really needs to decide what it wants to do. This constant change just gives me headaches. Today I stayed home from work because I woke up with one of thse sinus headaches where I was sure my left eye was going to just shoot right out of my skull. Not that I don't love staying home from work as we all know. I am really tired though. I got up at 9 because I think half my problem on Monday morning is sleeping too late on weekends. So I better sleep tonight!

I am really tired of the mood swings too. One minute I am fine and the next I want to cry. I don't get it. Sometimes I know what the problem is, others it's just there, for no reason at all. I wonder if other people feel like this too. I guess I should go deal with Brandon and his homework. Maybe that's why I want to jump off a cliff.

Cape May

2007-10-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

So if you have a MAC and you want to put pictures in here, you have to save them to your desktop. Just an FYI.

The weekend of October 5 Rob and I went to Cape May for the weekend. This was to spend some time together after the 'incident' that happened over the summer that most of you who actually read this know about. It was a very nice weekend. The weather was amazing for October. When I was packing I took a bathing suit and said "I will take this because if I don't I will wish I had" fully expecting that I would not use it. I used it-I should have taken two.

We went down there on Friday night. Lisa stayed at home with my kids. Friday night we went and played skee-ball and then walked back to the b&b on the beach. It was a little chilly but we had hot chocolate so it was not too bad. Here is a picture of where we stayed. The room we stayed in had a cool shower with a whole bunch of shower heads. It faced the beach and I could hear the ocean at night.

Saturday we walked around the shopping area. It's a good time to go because everything is on clearance since they are closing up for the season. Around 4 we went back to the b&b and had afternoon refreshments, then we put on bathing suits and went and laid on the beach for almost two hours. It was 88 degrees in October! Crazy!

Sunday we went to the beach much earlier in the day. It was so beautiful out and I figured I definitely won't be going to the beach again until next summer at this point so we may as well hang out there all day. We walked for a while and saw dolphins. You can't so them so great but it's kind of hard to get a picture.

It's a really cool time of year to go because there are tons of migrating birds also. I have no idea what kind of birds these are but there went loads of them.

A dorky picture or Rob and I that we took ourselves.

There were also tons of people actually successfuly surfing. I have never seen that in New Jersey. I guess the water was a lot rougher than when we are usually at the beach. But it was New Jersey in October-not when you usually go to the beach.

This is just a cool picture I took. I had to make a whole bunch of attempts so it has to be on here.

We wound up hanging out at the beach basically all day on Sunday. Since it's not summer anymore, it never occured to me that we should have sunscreen. We were both a little burned. I was pretty tan this summer (for me anyway) so I wasn't too bad and it now I am ust tan. Rob's face peeled though.

Finally, it is also butterfly migration time. This I knew because it is a big deal at my school. The Kindergarten kids have a parade where they dress us and march around the building singing "gotta go to Mexico". I did not know that the butterflies make a stop in Cape May. There were loads of Monarchs everywhere. Rob was making fun of me for trying to take pictures of them. But I got some good ones and he admitted later that it was pretty cool.

Monday after we checked out we took another walk on the beach before we headed home. There were no boats in the water so there were even more dolphins than there were on Sunday, they were closer and playing a lot more, jumping up out of the water. Of course, I didn't haev my camera.

I think this post is long enough. I will try to be a little better about my updates!

Confusion

2007-10-10T17:02:00.000-05:00

I am trying to learn how to put in pictures from iPhoto so I can update this from my weekend. For some reason it is not as easy as one would think it should be. All this "i" stuff is quite difficult if you ask me! So when I get it figured out, if I still feel like writing about it, I will!

Oops I did it again

2007-10-02T19:14:00.000-05:00

Haha...I am not so good at keeping this updated. I had a ton of stuff I was thinking about that I needed to put in here but now I forget what it was. I had a really bad day. Don't want to talk about it though. I'll start with the most recent. Saturday I went to DC to go to the National Book Festival. I went to Becca's first and she and I and Sammi took the Metro in. We had a picnic lunch on the mall. The lunch was quite gross but the company was good. Becca took a picture of Sammi and I that is really cute...

Hmmm...this is showing up as code but when I preview the picture is there, so we'll see.

The book festival was not all that exciting but the weather was beautiful and as I said, the company was good. We went to the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. The ride back on the Metro was pretty much a nightmare. It was packed. I thought there was no way more people could get on but at every stop, somehow more people squeezed in. It was crazy.

What else...off the top of my head I can't think of anything else, probably because I am completely engrossed in Prison Break right now. So, I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

Promises, Promises

2007-08-26T10:14:00.000-05:00

No vacation photos...obviously. I have no idea how to do that with this new MAC and I am not in the mood to figure it out so I am just not going to do it. I just tried one thing and that wasn't it so, not happening. Lazy, I know.

Nothing much has been going on. Well, nothing I want to put out for the whole world to see anyway. Not that anyone looks except people who already know anyway! So I don't need to type it out anyway.

Summer flew by, as usual. I had all this stuff I wanted to accomplish and got nothing done, as usual. At least this year I feel like I have some reason for not getting things done, unlike last year when it was just 100% lazy slacker. I did work for most of July, just about every day I wasn't away somewhere. I also took my kids to more doctor and dentist appointments than I care to think about. And we have another one next week. Plus all the counseling sessions. Then there was the mess I made and had to clean up. I feel like right now I could get something done, so I am going to try to paint my room this last week of summer. We'll see, I have counseling tomorrow in the middle of the day and Aly has another dentist appointment Tuesday. Story of my life it seems!

Lisa has stayed her a couple of times but not during the past week. The last time she was here she was trying to convince me to run away with her. That's not exactly something I should be around right now. I told Kate that I want to help her but I don't know how-other than saying no to running away- she thinks that Lisa needs a partial care program and she gave me numbers and stuff, I am supposed to go help Lisa make those calls, well, I told her about it and said I would and have not talked to her since. I think she's mad because I won't go out with her. I told Stacy that Lisa doesn't seem to get that right now my marriage is my first priority and maybe if she "got that" she would still be married. She has never learned that sometimes you can't put yourself first. I am not sure I have learned it 100% but most of the time I can do what I need to do. I sure don't need her being a negative influence on me right now.

I am not looking forward to back to school. I know the drama is going to start immediately. Brandon has to finish his summer reading, the reading part isn't the problem, it's the writing he has to do along with it. He has about ten days to get it done and I just do NOT want to deal with it. Aly has hers to do too and I am not sure she is actually reading Harry Potter 7-which is what she picked off the list-and she has to complete some sort of project too. However, with her, I know that she will at least get the project done on her own and I won't have to sit there and we won't be yelling about it.

Like I said, not much going on. Maybe I'l try to figure out this picture thing...then again, maybe I won't.

I see spellcheck is not working again. So-whatever on the typos.

As Promised

2007-08-05T20:35:00.000-05:00

Yeah, not a song title I know...but I don't feel like thinking of one. This could take a while, I am not sure whether to give the long version or the short version. I think I will go with the short version and tell those who are interested the long version when I see them. Besides, some of the long version I really shouldn't post on the Internet as it is not my story. The short version, Lisa story.

As you know, Lisa took off to Seattle with some guy. She came back a couple weeks ago, well I guess around July 20 or so. She is now divorced, Wally had that put through while she was gone, then he posted the papers on MySpace because he is a jackass, but she yelled at him and he took them down. That's how she found out they were divorced, on MySpace. He's so classy. So I talked to her and she came up here on Sunday, the 22nd. We were supposed to go out on Saturday but then she didn't call me back. I was mad but she called and apologized Sunday morning so I got over it. She wanted to come up because she needed to get out of her parents house for a while so I said whatever, it would give me a chance to talk to her and find out what had been going on.

So she told me all about her trip to Seattle, she went with this guy, he is bi-polar, things were great but then he had an episode and it all went crazy. She is totally in love with him. She's upset because his family won't help him unless he takes his meds, which he won't. I tried to explain to her that you can't help unmedicated bi-polar people, and his family has been dealing with this for a long time and knows that and what he needs to is be on the meds he is supposed to be on. I think she accepts that to some extent but she is worried about him because she thinks it is his fault he is now out there all alone. She thinks he was doing well and had the episode once they got there. I think he was having a manic episode which is what made him decide it was a great idea to take off to Seattle with some girl he just met. Anyway...I understand why she feels guilty about it and I feel bad for her about everything that happened with him.

As far as anyone knows, she was homeless. I have a hard time believing that but it sounds like she was basically staying at a 24 hour diner during the night and then sleeping outside somewhere during the day, Which is a little more believable than she was out on the streets all night. But she told me enough other stuff that she says she is only telling me, that I don't know why she wouldn't tell me the truth about that. The last few days she was there she was staying with some guy who said she could crash at his place and she cleaned and did that kind of junk to earn her keep. She told me he said he didn't want her to leave because the apartment has never been so clean.

She now has no health insurance and owes her doctor a whole bunch of money. The medication she is supposed to be on, you have to get the prescription written every month, The doctor wont write it for her because she owes her money. So she has no anxiety medication that she is supposde to take and is taking only 1/3 of the dosage of the anti-depressant she is supposed to be taking. This is a woman who tried to kill herself three months ago. While she was staying here she did get an appointment at the guidance center because you can go there and get medication and therapy without insurance. I think it's a sliding scale, and since she has no income, she should be fine.

So she was here on Sunday night and we talked for a long time and then she cried for a long time. No one understands why I am not mad at her but I am not. She is afraid of being alone and she has abandonment issues, I think she wants someone to love her unconditionally and right now she does not have that. So I am just trying to listen and not judge and help her how I can without being an enabler. She is a mess and she feels really bad about the girls and she doesn't need anyone to tell her she's a horrible person. She already feels that way and other people saying it don't help. She is afraid to be around the girls because she feels like she is so messed up she is going to have a negative impact on them and she doesn't want that. I also understand that. No one else gets that at all, but I know that a few months ago I probably shouldn't have been around my kids. Yes, she needs to get help so that she can be healthy and be a mom, but she doesn't know how to do that right now. She was in a mental hospital for a week, actually three different times, she has been in and out of therapy for 19 years and she doesn't think anything has changed or gotten better. I told her that until she gets her medication right I don't think she can do anything about it.

So Sunday night she cried and just wanted me to hug her. Which I did. Then she asked on Monday if she could stay. So I told her she could but she had to go get her license. She stayed Monday and Tuesday night, we got her license taken care of. That was her first issue, that she can't drive because her license expired while she was in Seattle so she can't get a job because she has no ay to get there. Now, whether I agree with that or not, because she has no car either, the point was, if that was the excuse, it is now gone. I took her back to her mom's on Wednesday. I know she does not want to stay there, but she can't stay here because Rob is not all that happy about the whole situation.

However, since Rob and I have been getting along extremely well for the past month or so, he does not want to argue about Lisa. So he said she could stay, but I have to respect that he lives here too.

I talked to Lisa a few more times, I am trying to check on her and let her know that I love her and I am here for her. Sometimes I call her and she cries and sounds like she is a mess the whole time we talk. When I called her the other day when I was in South Carolina, she sounded pretty good and she thinks she has a job so that is a step in the right direction.

She needs to stay away from Wally, which for some reason is hard when she is here. I don't know why because he is a major asshole. I think if the boy came back from Seattle she could stop feeling guilty about that, but there is no way anyone can really make that happen unless he gets the help he needs out there. She called me yesterday and wanted me to go out with her last night but I really didn't feel like it. We had just gotten back from vacation late Friday and I was not up for it. It turned out to be a good thing I didn't go but that is a whole other story I am not getting into right now. I called today to check on her but there was no answer.

So, we'll see what happens next. And that, believe it or not, is the short version. As I said, I can fill in a few more details when I see you guys.

Sometimes spellcheck decides not to work...this is one of those times. And I don't feel like proofreading, so whatever.

Wish

2007-07-18T16:04:00.001-05:00

I am in a mood all of the sudden. I have no idea why. Maybe from being overly tired, but normally just tired on its own I can stand. It's not the time for my pms so I know it isn't that. I have no good reason to be in a mood so I should just stop it.

I was feeling kind of miserable on my way home this afternoon. I wanted to take a nap but then I had to make sure Brandon got ready for karate and I called Karen to see about car pooling so by the time I was done with all of that I really didn't have time. I called my grandmother, which is always fun. I talked to Lisa for a little bit. She got home yesterday. I think I need to talk to Lisa. I have stuff I need to tell someone and I think I can tell her. Maybe. I hope.

Anyway, I made a couple of phone calls and then got annoyed and may have just sent an email I shouldn't have sent. But I'll deal with that later. I think my problem is that right now I feel like talking to someone and everyone is busy and I hate that. I can't even talk to Rob because he went to get Brandon from karate. So I am not in the mood to be alone (which is rare) and I am totally alone.

And no idea on the song choice. That's what popped into my head. It was the last song I was listening to in the car earlier. I am thinking I should send an apology email as a follow up to the one I just sent. Dammit.

Right Where it Belongs

2007-07-14T03:37:00.000-05:00

Wow! I haven't posted for a month?! But it's definitely a month that has flown by, not sure where it went. As usual for summertime, I have not been sleeping worth crap. I am tired all day, sleep for a few hours and then wake up around 3 am and am done. It totally sucks. Whatever, I am starting to get used to it.

So Beth and I went to the reunion on June 30. I meant to write about that. It was fine. We decided we are done with them though. I definitely left there thinking "damn, I look good". Most people just did not age very well. I got a good laugh out of a couple of people who were just such bitches in high school and now they are fat and look as old as my mother. That's fun. Laughed at some people's husband too. Very mature, I know. But yeah, done with reunions, when it can make me that catty...

I came back from Florida a couple of days ago. Went on Friday, Stacy, Cynth and I went to Pleasure Island and "danced our asses off"-that's what Stacy said we were going to do, and we did. It was fun. I got sick from one too many drinks but it wasn't horrible. Just one of those things where my stomach said "yeah, don't think so" and then it was done. Saturday we were just lazy and wound up going to bed at 11. Too old for two nights of partying.

On Sunday I went to Stacy's and hung out there for a couple of days. It was relaxing even though Zander is so bad he makes Brandon look good. But he's not my problem so it was a little entertaining. Stacy thinks it's "normal five year old behavior" and I know the two of us are equally stubborn and would wind up in an argument so I didn't say anything, but it is SO not normal. He's easily as defiant as Brandon was at that age and it will not get better. I made the comment to her that I thought he was a little oppositional and the "normal" response was what I got so I let it go. Maybe she is right, it remains to be seen. I was teasing her and told her it was karma for Vic commenting on how wild Brandon was when we were down there when he was 3. Zander was wilder at 3 too. Brandon never tried to spin on the ceiling fan.

There is other stuff going on too that I am not willing to post in public. It's completely crazy and not something I could ever have predicted. But right now it is awesome and I am really happy about it. I hope it continues, we'll see.

Alyssa spent two weeks with Roseann and as soon as she came home I wanted to choke her. She convinced Roe that it would be ok to buy a string bikini. Yeah, not so much...we took it away from her. She's completely nuts. She was home for two weeks and Thursday Maribeth came and got her because all Marissa wanted for her birthday was to have Aly stay there for a week. Cool with me. Anytime I can have just one kid, it's awesome. I am sure Stephen is loving having five. Haha, I can laugh at him next week when we go see Morrissey.

Since Aly wasn't home Brandon went to work with me and I took him to see Harry Potter. Brandon and I get along great when it is just the two of us. Karen and Robert were with us, which was good because he and Robert played games and were on the computer while I was working, but we went shopping for Emma's present and he barely complained, which is a lot for him. I am sure Aly will be mad that we went to the movies when she wasn't home but I don't see why he should have to wait a week for her to come home to see Harry Potter. We have always gone on opening weekend and I don't think it should be any different just because she decided to stay with Riss for a week.

I am so not tired right now. I was hoping this would help but it's not. I don't really know why it would because it hasn't lately. Well, writing...I've been doing emails. Came back on here because I realized I am doing the summertime spamming thing again. I guess that is about all. Summer is flying by. I can't believe July is half over! I am not looking forward to September. Well, maybe one thing, but overall not.

Oh yeah! And we saw Duran again on Father's Day. It was a fan club members only show. Beth and Sheri joined to get the tickets. Beth, Sheri, Lisa, Heather and I went, it was in NYC. We had fun, just because we always do, but it was not the best show I have seen them do. Overall the setlist was completely uninspired. I have no idea why they did Hungry Like the Wolf at a fan club members only show. Hello! No one wants to hear that! The set lists on the reunion shows were way better. And of all things, they didn't do Careless Memories, which, how the hell do you not do that!? I have never seen them do a show and not do that. It rules.

On my birthday we (as in same as who went to the concert) went to brunch. That was nice. Beth gave me a CD box set from my Amazon wish list, Heather gave me remastered Songs of Faith and Devotion-which I totally have to watch the DVD that is with it, Lisa gave me a pair of earrings and Sheri gave me two books from my wish list and a necklace. Plus they paid for my brunch. Other than that my birthday was completely uneventful. Mom and Mark gave me cash which I used for my trip last week.

Mom and Mark are moving again. I don't think I have mentioned that. They already bought the new house but their house has not sold yet. I am sure it will but now is not the time to be selling. Some country singer was going to buy it but she can't make a decision or something and has still not signed the papers. She's on my mother's last nerve. She keeps calling and saying she wants to buy it. Last I heard she "needed to talk to my mom to see how she felt about it". WTF?

And finally, when I was at Stacy's we had a chat about Lisa. I realized that I really miss her. She and Stacy and I were more like sisters than cousins. But Lisa and I spent a lot of time together growing up and we were really close, closer than Stacy and I, mostly because she was here and Stacy was in Florida, but I miss Lisa. She is really the only person I know who you can tell absolutely anything at all to and she will listen and never judge. She won't even give an opinion unless you ask her to. She'll ask you questions about it, but I never feel like she is judging. Maybe she should have been a therapist. Yeah, right! I have not talked to her since March. I sent her an email from Stacy's telling her that I missed her and that I know she thinks "no one understands" but she has not even talked to me and given me a chance to understand. Then Thursday my mom told me she is coming home. Aunt Linda was sending her a ticket yesterday and it is a three day bus trip. So she should be home by the end of next week. Which would be good. I know Rob is going to be mad if I want to go spend some time with her, but he'll get glad again. I want to know what she is thinking with all this craziness (I said she was not judgmental-I didn't say I wasn't) and find out what she has been doing for the past six months! The last time I actually saw her was in February when our grandmother was in the hospital.

Now it's 5 and I am still not tired. But I guess I should try again anyway.

Big Balls

2007-06-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

That's a song...sticking with the songs...it's the most appropriate one I can think of at the moment.

Yes Heather, you can just say "those poor girls". Lisa's aunt saw her oldest daughter and she was upset and when she asked her why she said "because my mommy went to Washington and is never coming back." Isn't that nice.

So the reason for my song choice is that Lisa called my mother and asked her if she would send her money! She is in Seattle and living on the streets. Gee, you don't say. Did you plan this out at all? What did you think would happen when you went across the country without a dime to your name, to go somewhere that you have no family or close friends, don't have a job lined up. So my mom said she was thinking about it but then she talked to Lisa's mom and she told her that Lisa called home last week and asked for money to come home. So she sent it to her and then she changed her mind and decided to stay out there. So my aunt told my mom not to send her any money. I just know she'll be calling me next.

She's ridiculous.

Crazy

2007-06-08T16:21:00.000-05:00

Here is the Lisa update for all those interested...I got an email from Lisa on Monday that said she "ran into" Kendra who told her that I was having a hard time with Brandon. She (Lisa) is not allowed to see her kids anymore so she doesn't go home since it is too upsetting there. And she was thinking of going to see her friends in Austin, Texas.

So I responded to this email asking first of all, where one "runs into" Kendra. I then went on to say that I haven't talked to Kendra except for a very few minutes at her daughter's birthday party but I really didn't say much because I was too distracted by her ridiculous fake boobs to think of anything to say. I didn't know what she might have to say about me, but I know how things go through our family so whatever. I asked what was going on that Wally can prevent her from seeing the girls but I suspect she won't answer that.

Then I went to my mom's and I told her about this email and asked since when Lisa wasn't allowed to see her kids. My mom said that was new, she hadn't heard anything about that. The last she knew Lisa was coming to her mom's every weekend and seeing the girls for a few hours on Saturdays. Tuesday I got an email from my mom that was for Lisa that she asked me to forward to Lisa. I told her I agree with it completely, basically it said Lisa needs to grow up and think about her children and their future, but I gave her Lisa's email address and said she could send it so I wasn't in the middle of it.

On Wednesday I called my mom and asked her if she got the email and if she had sent hers on to Lisa. She said yes to both.

Then last night, Thursday, she called to tell me the update. She goes to see my grandmother on Thursdays and then has lunch with my aunt, Lisa's mom, so she found out what was up. Lisa is in Montana, on her way to Seattle because when she was in Seattle was the only time she was ever happy in her whole life. She called her mom to ask her to pay her cell phone bill because she can't pay it. Yet she can afford to take a bus to Seattle and where is she staying when she gets there? She was there around 1994, for a total of about three months. Her friend who went there with her moved to Georgia last year. Does she really have anyone out there now who is such a good friend she can stay with them? Whatever! That is really just my side commentary about that.

Anyway, she "ran into" Kendra at jail. Lisa was visiting her "boyfriend who's not her boyfriend" who is there because (so we're told) he violated his custody order. And Kendra was there visiting her boyfriend, who she told the family she is "done with", who she told Lisa is in jail for drug charges. Gotta love my cousins and their winner choices in men.

And that is all I know. My aunt is trying to talk to Wally about seeing the girls. She sent him an email and he responded that he wants to talk to Lisa but he also said that the girls have been asking to see her. You can tell his primary concern is the girls since they want to see their grandmother and he is still not letting them because Lisa won't talk to him. I think that's why she can't see the girls. She told him she won't talk to him unless it's about the girls and he calls her and text messages her all the time and she ignores it and won't respond unless it's about the girls. And she is completely right to be doing that. He totally wants to play head games with her. He has been doing this for three years, reeling her back in and then "nope, don't want to stay married", and he has a girlfriend so why should she talk to him about anything else? They are not divorced but they have already settled everything with property, debts, their stuff...there is no reason for him to bug her. If she had stopped talking to him about anything but the girls three years ago, things might not have gotten this bad. He is a serious head case.

I am waiting to see if I get a response to my email I sent Lisa or if my mom gets one. I think she'll ignore my mom's and I told her that. But she may mention it to me. It could be a while before I hear anything. She's in Seattle by now I am sure. I am still wondering why if she was so happy out there, like she always claims, she came back in the first place. But she never answers that question when I ask it.

Pomp and Circumstance

2007-06-05T21:36:00.001-05:00

Here is a picture from Alyssa's 8th grade graduation on Sunday.

Who Needs Love Like That

2007-06-05T21:12:00.000-05:00

Since Beth likes my angry tirades I will write this right now while I am still angry so I can fully tirade about it. I just got home from having dinner with a bunch of women who were in my sorority. There were seven of us total. Several years ago, two of these women were my absolute best friends, Jill and Sheri. Without getting into all of it right now, Sheri and I haven't been all that close in quite a while-because she pissed me off. And I haven't talked to Jill as much recently as I did a few years ago but we were still pretty good friends. But tonight she pissed me off completely.

We were talking about college stuff, remember this person, remember that person, etc. So this one girl Jenni came up and everyone was saying how she "wasn't right". Then Jill said that she knew why she "wasn't right" and she lowered her voice to finish the conversation, so I leaned in and said I could not hear what she was saying. She ignored me, I thought she just didn't hear me since it was pretty noisy in the restaurant so I said "What are you saying?" and she looks at me and says "I am talking to Cathy, will you please knock it off." Um, excuse me, I thought we were ALL having this conversation. I didn't know you were just having dinner with Cathy. So that was number one.

A while later I brought up to her "Oh, you are keeping my dog while I'm on vacation, right?" I cleared the dates with her before I booked the vacation. At least two months ago. She said they were ok. So the response I get to that is "When is it?" and when I tell her she says "That may be a problem." Because she is going to see her sister in Georgia. I said "Well, ok, can she stay with Kurt?" Kurt is her husband, they've been married for 13 years, I have known them both since college, my dog has stayed with them several times. "No, I am not going to do that to him." So I said "I can ask him myself." Then I get this whole big long story of why it would be too much for him. Um, ok. They have three dogs and last I knew, 12 cats. Want to tell me why one more dog is going to break him!? He is a teacher also so has off during the summer. He bar tends at a catering place but doesn't have a full-time, everyday job in the summer. So now I am really peeved.

My dog is 13 years old. My dog has never stayed in a kennel. The only people who she has ever stayed with are my parents, my in-laws, Jill and Sheri. My mother will probably be in the middle of moving while we are on vacation. Rob's father does not like pets in the house-his own dogs did not come in the house. Sheri is in Canada at that time of the year. So I asked Jill. I thought this was arranged. Either of my sisters-in-law who might do it, are going on the vacation. My third sister-in-law will be on her own vacation. My father just got two kittens. So basically, my poor dog is screwed and is more than likely going to wind up staying in a kennel.

And then...strike three. There was a large party at the table next to us. When we were just about ready to leave they came and sang happy birthday to a member of the party, long story short, the guy is 95. So they are doing all these toasts and whatever. Sheri's father just died a few months ago, she is crying, it's very upsetting to her. So we resume our conversation, or I guess I should say that some of us did, Lynn and I were trying to talk to Sheri and calm her down. The 95 year old then stands up to talk and Jill is trying to hear what he has to say. I am talking to my friends who I am there to have dinner with and the next thing I know, Jill is shushing me again. First of all, it's very nice that this man is 95, whatever, I don't know him, I quite frankly do not care what he has to say. Secondly, and really, more importantly, it is what he has to say to his family this is not my business, nor is is her business so why the fuck am I being shushed like a kindergartner? Jill teaches kindergarten. Maybe she can't separate her home life from school? I always thought trying to hear the conversations at someone else's table was called eavesdropping and was bad manners.

So, I am pissed off at Jill. Really pissed off. I came home and told Rob. He is going to have to ask his parents now but the last time they promised to keep her, two days before his mom said "Oh no, we can't do it" and that was only for a weekend and that was how she wound up at Jill's the first time Jill ever kept her. So I guess we will have to look into the doggie day care. Did I mention that I am pissed?

Hence my song choice. With friends like these... All my real friends have cats and live in the city (or no where near here) so I can't ask them. And you all know who you are. ;->

More Than a Party

2007-06-01T20:49:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to put up pictures the other day and I didn't. Oh well. Here are some other pictures instead. These are of Alyssa's dinner dance. Her friends are both named Ashley.

Manic Monday

2007-05-29T15:47:00.000-05:00

Really its Tuesday but it's a Tuesday that seems like Monday since there was a long weekend. And for some reason I am in a really good mood, for no reason at all; and I started this dumb song title thing that I have decided I am sticking with, dumb as it may be, and that's what came to mind.

I had something I wanted to blog about the other day and now I totally forget what it was. Must not have been very interesting or important. I do remember that I wanted to mention that I was at a barbecue on Sunday and there was someone there I went to high school with, Dena F (I don't want to put her whole name since she has no option to say take it out) and I decided that I was not going to go out of my way and say hello to her. I meant to tell this to Beth and may forget again later so, here it is next time you're here. So then I was thinking, ok, if I am not going to go say hi to her, and I had no problems with her in school, we weren't friends but we were on speaking terms when we had classes together, then why in the hell am I going to the reunion? Totally non-threatening environment and I was like "uh, yeah, I have nothing to say to her." So, the reunion should be interesting since I am sure that will not be nearly as friendly of an environment. Now I just have to ask my cousin why Dena was there in the first place!

I took some pictures with my new camera, was I bitching on here that I asked for a camera for Mother's Day and didn't get it? Because now I have it. The one he ordered was back ordered and so he eventually ordered something else and now I have that. I figured out how to do video too but I am not sure that can work on here. I'll do a separate post with the pictures. It's easier than trying to make the text work. I haven't quite mastered that yet.

I guess I am in a good mood because the end is in sight. Once June is here school is almost done. This week we only have four days. Next week two days I have workshops, the following week the kids have three half days so I have no full weeks with kids left, which is good. Although the days I am missing are my "reading buddy" days and I am only missing kindergarten and fifth grade. Thursday 5th is on a field trip so I won't have to see them. And today I had my friend with the "issues" that s/he has and s/he was perfectly well behaved today. Only have to see her one more time since next time she comes I won't be there.

I should make dinner. I don't really feel like it, but I guess I should. I have laundry to work on too. My mom called the other day and asked what I was doing. I said laundry. She said "every time I call you are doing laundry" (she calls like three times a week). So, yeah, laundry. I hate laundry...and ironing...forget that.

Lonely in Your Nightmare

2007-05-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

I have a reason for choosing this song title, so it's only semi-random at this point. Although when it popped into my head in the first place it was completely random. Yesterday I had to go on Alyssa's field trip. On the wonderful bus ride to NYC I was listening to my MP3 player and Lonely in Your Nightmare came on it. Beth told me this was one of the choices of songs fans could vote for for the 'members of the fan club only' concert they are playing next month.

So as I was listening to all the cold out on your stone range, barren in your garden, heat beneath you winters, I thought, "huh, no way Simon is going to remember those lyrics." I don't even remember those lyrics and he was having issues with Friends of Mine on the last tour. I've seen him completely forget New Religion...and Beth it is NOT hard...which I also know all the words to. But whatever, I guess we'll see. It was just a random thing that popped into my head.

The field trip...I hate field trips. I never went on them with my kids when they were in public school and I was glad to get out of the classroom because it meant I didn't have to go on them with my class. But since my kids are now in Catholic school the rule is that they have to have a chaperone, if it is not you, you have to arrange it and send in a letter letting the school know who is responsible for your child. I assume this is because most of their trips include huge blocks of unscheduled time in major cities. Rob went on Brandon's trip last Friday to Inner Harbor in Baltimore-I already did that trip two years ago when Alyssa was in 6th grade.

The 8th grade trip is to NYC to see a show. This trip cost almost $200. We had to be at the school at 6:45 to leave at 7, there is isue number 1. They school uses the same bus company and there are always problems. There were two busses, one was nice, one was old and junky. The boys got to go on the nice bus, my opinion on why that was-one of the boys in 8th grade's mother is the teacher chaperone/class advisor. Of course, she's not going to put herself on the crappy bus, so the boys got the nice bus. Way to teach your son about being gracious to women. ;-> My seat didn't latch so if anyone bumped the back I got slammed back into a completely upright position and every time we hit a bump it bounced back and forth. Did I mention I get motion sickness? By the time we got there I was completely on the verge of puking.

We're on the NJ Turnpike, behind the other bus, people flying past us, we get pulled over! "Random inspections" that was a nice 15 minute delay. One of the mom's was freaking out because we had a time schedule for our tour of Rockefeller Center and we paid for it, etc. Yeah, it was 9 and we were about an hour away and our time was 10:45...we'll be fine woman, sit down. The girls didn't even notice what was going on at first that's how clueless they are. They were busy singing their graduation song, completely off key. I don't know who picked that song, but they sounded terrible and I can only imagine how much worse it's going to be with the boys singing. Ugh! I have that to look forward to next.

Our bus driver was perhaps the worst driver ever. Apparently the gas pedal is a switch, it is either on or off. Which made my seat bounce back and forth even more. Same with the brakes, off or on, suddenly. And the air conditioner was also either on or off, no happy medium. We were all either freezing - as in even the father's on the bus were pulling out their jackets, or it was stifling. I may have to change Brandon to a new school just so I don't have to go to DC next year!

We get to Rockefeller Center in plenty of time for our scheduled time-there is a bus only lane through the tunnel so even though it was completely backed up it didn't matter, we went in that lane. As far as I knew, we were supposed to have a tour, but all that happened was they sent us up in the elevator to the observation deck. I am not sure how much we paid for this "tour" I think $9, but it surely wasn't worth it. The itinerary had us there until almost noon but we were all ready to leave at about 11. We had from then until 1:30 to do whatever we wanted and get to the theater.

We went to some stores with Alyssa's friends, both named Ashley and their mothers. That was fine. I really didn't care, I was ok with just letting the girls do what they wanted since it was their trip. I think the whole idea is dumb because the kids don't spend time with each other. They only see each other if that's what the parents want to do. I think Great Adventure or something like that would be a better option. But no one asked me. Then again, I don't go to the 8th grade parent meetings either. All these trips are "traditions" anyway so I doubt it would make a difference if I did go. We had lunch and then went to the show.

The show was The Lion King. It was nice as far as shows go. I think I am "over that" right now. I used to be into going to these things but by the time it was over I had a headache and my butt hurt from sitting for three hours. Again on this being a dumb field trip, the tickets weren't even all together. Ashley W and her mom got there about five minutes before we did because I think she was trying to lose us and she hustled across the street in Times Square when the light was turning and I made Alyssa and Ashley F wait. Instead of waiting on the other side, which I would have done and I know the other mom would have, she just kept going. She was acting weird so whatever. She could have said she'd prefer to just go off on her own. I don't care, like I said, it was Alyssa's day and I wanted her to have fun.

The tickets we got were together, the four of us, but that was it. No one from the school was with us. After the show we saw Ashley W in the lobby and her mom was all "come on" and at that point I didn't want to deal with her either. I had already told Alyssa that I didn't think we were going to spend our two hours after the play with them because her mom was being weird. Plus Ashley F had said "Ooo Sephora" when we first got there but since Ashely W's mom didn't want to go there, we didn't. So I told Ashley I knew where the one in Times Square was and if it was ok with her mom we'd go there. When we came out of the play it was pouring, the girls were all three talking but then W's mom was all "come on" to her so I said to the girls "let's take a minute and figure out what we're doing so we can get there quick since it's raining.

We went to a few stores that the girls wanted to go to, they wanted McDonald's so that's where we went (W's mom nixed that idea for lunch-no idea why, seemed reasonable to me) then we went to Virgin MegaStore because it was still pouring and it was really all that was left where we could actually kill a good amount of time. We were right where they told us to be for the bus. Our brilliant driver went a whole block down and we had to run down the street to get on the bus and of course, at the time he showed up it was really pouring. We had all pretty much dried out while we were waiting for him and then got wet again. Of course, while we were waiting and could have walked down to where he actually stopped, it wasn't raining that much. Jerk.

It was 10 by the time we got back to the school. So I didn't get home until 10:30. Aly stayed at Ashely W's house. I asked her if she was still sure she wanted to do that after whatever was going on. At one point she and F were whispering about W - I didn't understand the explanation as to what was going on. I think it was "8th grade nonsense...she's controlling" something like that.

But I have to go eat something because I am going to Brandon's counseling appointment this evening. Fun fun. I think I need to get myself back on the schedule. If I feel like it I'll tell you all about that later. Or not.

Bad Reputation

2007-05-09T19:25:00.000-05:00

Keeping with the theme. That one's Joan Jett in case you didn't know. You have to read this post to know why I chose that for today.

My Uncle Jim forwards loads of dumb jokes and chain emails. I, thankfully, am not on his list. Stacy is and she forwards things to me that he sends that are actually funny or that she thinks I would want to read. I hear he sends about 10-15 things a day. Stacy forwards one or two maybe two days a week so her filter is pretty good. Today she sent me one about birthdays. It was SO right on that I had to share with everyone. Here is what is says for July:

----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly.
Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and
Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
In studying. Loves to be with friends Always broods
About the past and the old friends. Waits for
Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
But takes long to recover.

It's crazy how all of that is true about me. How can that be?? So, right now apparently my reputation is that I spaz when I have pms. Last week when Rob took Brandon to the counselor he said something about my being short-tempered or something and the counselor said "is she pms-ing?" See, everyone knows about it. And I did actually tell her one week that I can usually ignore most of Brandon's nonsense except for when I have pms. Now, in the past my bad reputation was for other, more interesting reasons. ;-> I am ok with that being gone. But then, since it is a chain email. It said this at the end...

Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days

Basically, "don't give a damn about my bad reputation".

Blue Monday

2007-05-07T09:02:00.000-05:00

It's not really...I am just sticking with the song titles. This morning I took Brandon to Appel Farms Arts and Music Center where he is going to stay for three days for an "environmental embassadors" program. A teacher who he always claims doesn't like him chose him to participate. He told Rob this morning that he was terrified. He didn't mention it to me. He jumped right out of bed and was ready to go. Even carried his own things out to the car-and there were a lot of things. Actually, Aly and I helped, but that was just to make less trips, when I said "let's go" he started grabbing stuff to take out. Big stuff too! Shocking. I expected him to grab his pillow and leave the rest for me. I am worried that I didn't give him enough clothes but at the same time I know if I gave him too much stuff he would just be overwhelmed with all of it.

There are four kids there from 6B (that's his class) one of them was supposed to be his "archnemesis" Lorenzo, but Tyler is there instead. We don't know why but I am really glad because I was worried the whole thing was going to be ruined for him because he hates this kid. There are also going to be four kids from 6A but none of them were there yet, which is a little odd, all the 6B boys where there, no 6A, but the boys didn't know who it was going to be. I guess 6A and 6B don't speak to each other!

So here is how my weekend went. Friday night I went to my mom's for a while to see my Aunt Sue. I felt a little better when I got home and then I told Alyssa I needed the password for the email account she used to set up her MySpace. She said that it wasn't a real email account and there was no password. Now given her history, I have no reason to believe this claim; long story short, a shouting match ensued. She screamed "I just don't like you". Rob came and started shouting at us both to knock it off. I said I hate it here and left. I just drove around for a half hour. Then I came home and went to bed.

Saturday I was just pissy when I woke up. I had told Aly I didn't want to see her until she had an answer for me about the password. Her response was "I guess I'll never see you again then because I don't know what it is." It turns out that account really is nonexistent so I guess what I learned is that on the rare instance when Aly is telling the truth, she will actually fight with me rather than just quietly stick to her story. I was going to go somewhere away from everyone because I was in the I hate everyone mood but I decided to stay and help with the yardwork-which I just love.

So Rob and I worked in the yard and he made Aly come out and help. She had nothing else to do because she was still grounded. Sheila's grandfather stopped and asked me if she could come with them for pizza and I told him maybe next week if she can manage to follow the rules for one week! He seemed upset that he hasn't seen her for so long. Although, in actuality, she has not been grounded the entire month, we had something every Saturday in April. Brandon went to Nick's at 4. Aly was working with me in the front yard and I basically didn't even look at her all day and I said nothing at all to her. That went on for about three hours.

I got a shower and got ready to go out. I wanted to go get a new blanket for our bed and check out Old Navy. By then I was in a better mood but then Rob started yelling about something idiotic and pissed me right back off. Then he said he wanted to come with me. So I had to tell him he was being a jerk before and I wasn't sure I wanted him to come. Plus, this means Aly has to come because right now she is also not allowed to be home alone because we are trying to make a point that we are going to treat her like a baby if we can't trust her. So Rob said he was sorry and told Aly she had to come.

As we were getting ready to go she came to me, all on her own Rob says, and said she was sorry for what she said. She started crying and said she loved me and hugged me and was all emotional. So then I decided I would talk to her again. Very mature I know, not speaking to the 13 year old. We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and Old Navy. Very exciting. Alyssa got shoes, a bathing suit and a pair of sunglasses. Plus she got $10 for helping in the yard. Everything was fine until Brandon came home and started yelling about having to get a shower.

Sunday we all went to Kohl's because the kids have no summer clothes. That was fine but we spent $565 and that was after getting 15% off. But I did get $110 of Kohls cash that I can spend between the 9th and the 16th. I have a half day on Wednesday too because I have to pick Brandon up from this program. I'll run over to the new Kohls when I get done work because I'll have a couple hours to kill before I have to get Alyssa.

I have resumed copying stuff from Suzy's hard drive back onto the server. I had stopped doing that because I was in a mood. I am not sure if my mood has ended because I spent most of the day outside on Saturday, because my pms has subsided or because of those herbal supplements I have been taking. I hear mdma was originally prescribed for depression. I told Rob I want that. ;->

Why does the spellchecker in this place only work some of the time???

Still Breathing

2007-05-04T17:33:00.000-05:00

It's intentional, song titles for titles. Seemed as good a one as any other. I guess writing on here is somewhat therapeutic, I felt a little better last night after I wrote. I have managed to stop wondering how long it takes to bleed to death and such so that's good. However, I still feel like just getting in bed and staying there, and for some reason I am absolutely freezing, and currently feel like puking. All good news.

My grandmother said I need a vacation. Gee, ya think? And where am I going to get time to do that? July, that's when. Til then I have to deal with the same crap on a daily basis. My lovely children who cannot be trusted out of my sight so I am basically saddled with 11 and 13 year old toddlers; my job which I hate; and my assistant who is driving me out of my mind. I seriously don't know how much more I can take of her either. If you think I complain a lot, let me take you to her. You will see that I am Little Miss Freaking Sunshine compared to her. She complains about her parking place every single morning! EVERY morning! Let it go already! At my other school NO parking places were close, everything was the boondocks. So whatever. I have to walk 50 steps to get into the building. I DON'T CARE!! And that is just the start of her complaining. It goes on from there ad infinitum.

I get to complain all I want here. Don't like it, quit reading. I do not complain all day long, every single day, to every person who crosses my path. If you don't want to do the triathlon this weekend at your kid's school don't volunteer to do it!! I don't do shit at my kids' school. Why? Because I hate it and it would make me miserable! So quit doing it! They'll be fine. Correction, I do Bingo, because we have no choice. Actually, Rob does it. And guess what, he says "ugh, I hate bingo" and that is the end of it. I'll bet no one he works with knows about it.

And seriously, your kid is refusing to do his homework, and has all D's right now, why the fuck are you spending your weekend taking him paintballing, which costs $50 each time? His ass would be in his room if he were my kid. Aly has been grounded for going on a month now because of a MySpace page. Her progress report was all "passing". If it was all D's and F's, she'd be grounded. If she told me the night before her project was due, that she had a project due, her ass would stay up all night alone doing it. I would sure as hell not be working on it for her while I was at work. Punish his ass and maybe he'll start doing his schoolwork. He's in high school for God's sake! This is what I want to say to her and I don't.

My aunt is here from Florida and my mom called to tell me they are there if I want to come over. I don't want to, but I really don't have a choice. It's go and pretend to be all happy and have something to say-which I don't right now because I want to go to bed. Or not go and hear about it later. Either way...no win situation.

There is something else...but I forget what.

My stomach hurts.

March of the Pigs

2007-05-03T20:40:00.000-05:00

I am having a really bad few days. I suspect, once again, that PMS is partly to blame for it but there are other contributing factors which make my life generally suck. But for some reason I have this song stuck in my head. I confess I am not completely sure what the song is about, I have a general idea. Maybe it's just that there is screaming and then calm in it. Maybe it does just make me feel better. And if any of my friends are actually reading this, it may help if you knew the lyrics. It's enough to know that there is yelling and then quiet and it says "now doesn't it make you feel better?" Downward Spiral, Closer comes after it, I listened to that too. I know what that's about. Self-loathing, in case you weren't sure...that's what I hear anyway ;->

Yeah, I am completely rambling this evening. The crazy does that to a person. I spent an hour on my bed curled up and crying, thinking about cutting my wrists. I feel like maybe I am being a little dramatic, but I can't make it stop. "It won't give up it wants me dead. God damn this noise inside my head"...and this is why I love the nin, there are words for all your misery. I have thought about dying plenty, I used to think about it all the time in high school. If I knew for sure that you could be a ghost and go to your own funeral, I no doubt would have killed myself back then. I always used to wonder who would actually care if I was dead. But this is totally different. Now it's about hating everything in my life and not wanting to deal with it and not knowing what to do about it. I get what Lisa did. I want to do the same thing. I want to just walk away and not worry about what I am walking away from and what impact it will have on anyone else. But if I do that everyone will judge me. I am not real good with that. I always do what I am supposed to do because people are judging me. (or at least I think they will, maybe I am just too self-important) When I was doing stuff I wasn't supposed to do, very few people ever knew about it, I am very secretive when I need to be. But anyway, if I was dead, they may be judging me, but I wouldn't be here to know about it.

And now while we are on it, let's move back to some dream interpretation. I am totally fucked in the head. Earlier this week I had some dream and there was a spider and a fly in it, but I cannot remember much about it. I think the spider was riding the fly, like it was a horse. The handy dream interpretation site tells me that to see flies symbolizes feelings of guilt. Huh...interesting. This is without me telling anyone but Stacy about something else that I have no intention of telling anyone but Stacy. Yeah, I have some guilt feelings. (I will say that I have not actually done anything, but I am still feeling guilty) Now, let's look at spiders, "you may want to stay away from an alluring or tempting situation". You don't say-you'll have to trust that it relates to the same thing. But it could also symbolize a "powerful force keeping you away from your self destructive behaviors". Which I suppose is a good thing. But I can tell you that the powerful force is not wanting anyone to hate me. Spiders "may symbolize feelings of being entangled or trapped". (who me?)

And by the way people...killing spiders...bad luck. No one believes me. But I don't kill the damn things and look at me. What do I know?

I did talk to my doctor about the PMS when I was there last week. He gave me several options. His preferred option was to try herbal remedies, which is what I am doing, but it could take up to three weeks to work - which does me no good when my PMS is happening now. So, if it's no better next month, I think I will move to option three. Option two was birth control pills. He is not fond of that option because there are studies that say prolonged use is linked to breast cancer and there are studies that say prolonged use is not linked to breast cancer. Prolonged use is ten years. What with I started taking them my senior year in high school and stopped around 1998, my ten years are up. So he said basically, you are making a choice of which study you choose to believe. I don't think I want to choose wrong. So option two is out. Plus I remembered the reason I stopped taking them in the first place-insurance doesn't pay for it. Option three is anti-depressants. Now last week when I was talking to him, I wasn't having a hard time pushing thoughts like "I wonder how bad it hurts to cut yourself" out of my head-he may have chosen that as option one for me had I said that. But since I did not, that was presented as option 3.

Dramatic aren't I? I know full well that now there are seven people who can read this. I think it is likely that only one of them does. But I am also into the "I have no friends"mode. Which doesn't help. I could ramble on, possibly all night. And I have even been going to bed early, so it's not overtired for a change. Although I am feeling physically exhausted for NO reason whatsoever. I may be having a "major depressive episode". What does it mean that I recognise this and am choosing not to do a damn thing about it. And why am I writing this here instead of in the journal that is next to my bed that no one actually reads. Well, except it would not surprise me in the least if my charming daughter read it when I wasn't home.

So I guess I'll just stop.

Sigh

2007-04-22T19:11:00.000-05:00

You know the day is going to suck when you start crying before you ever get out of bed in the morning. My children are driving me insane. Everyone in the house is unhappy. I knew we were going to have to spend the day working on science fair projects, which are due on Thursday and as of right now (8:14 pm on Sunday) are not done. Brandon, of course, is all pissy about having to work on it over the weekend. He is supposed to be grounded anyway because of the whole MySpace thing so why it matters I don't know.

Alyssa is doing fine with hers. She is almost done. I took her to the library yesterday to enforce our "you cannot use the Internet at all" rule. That doesn't work all that well since libraries don't even get magazines anymore. So I said she could use the database, of course every computer they put us on did not want to work. We wound up doing it at home. I did a database search and printed out the articles for her to use. I am not sure that is punishment at all since I did her research but whatever. She was waiting most of the day for her last flower to thaw out but she has her research paper done, which is the hardest part of it.

Brandon has nothing done. Maybe his title page, but I think not even that. The formatting isn't right. So nothing. Around 4:30 I let him go outside because children with ADHD are supposed to get breaks. They can't work for extended periods of time. When he came in from the break he starts screaming about how daddy is a retard. What it came down to was that Rob was on the phone when he got home, he interrupted, Rob told him to wait. Then when he was off the phone he asked what was so important that Brandon had to interrupt him. The story Brandon told was that he said nevermind. The story Rob then came in and told me was that Brandon wanted to ask if the handlebars on his scooter were down too low. Obviously, not something urgent.

So Brandon is crying over this and screaming at me. So I started screaming back because I am sick and tired of his disrespect. Then he said "what happened to everyone being created equal" and I told him that doesn't apply to parent and child relationships, it doesn't even apply to children at all, and he just has to do what he is told because that's part of being a kid. He yells that he doesn't have to listen to me and he doesn't respect me. So I smacked him in the face. Then he said something else and I told him stop or I'd hit him again and he said "I don't care" so I smacked the other side for good measure. He started screaming more shit at me so I grabbed him and put him over my knee and spanked him. Then he jumped into a karate stance and threatened me. I told him I am not afraid of him and he continued to yell, "one day you will be You will be sorry." Rob told him if he hits me he would hit him back.

It's a lot of fun around here. Now everyone is acting fine again. The counselors tell us no spanking but everyone seems to behave much better afterward. I am starting to think Rob is right that they need a little bit of fear to make them behave. Talking sure hasn't helped.

My Daughter...Yet Again

2007-04-19T21:49:00.000-05:00

Have there ever been any parents who successfully defended killing their kids with a "they made me crazy" defense? Because my daughter is on a fast track toward being killed...by me. The school sends home test folders and communication envelopes on Thursdays. So Brandon gave me his test folder when they came home from my mom's, around 6. He had already told me that he had one bad test grade (which was a 78 and frankly is nothing compared to the bad grades his sister brings home) "here's the folder".

I was doing stuff and forgot all about asking for hers until about 9. So in the communication envelope there is a letter from the principal with a copy of an IM session between HondaHead95...which is Brandon's screen name...which he is not allowed to have (this follows the discovery of the MySpace accounts two nights ago which I did not even get into on here). So anyway, the content of this IM is that "he" was calling this other kid "gay" and "bitch" now it would appear that it was actually Aly using his screen name but we are going to get into that tomorrow, armed with a belt because apparently that helps Aly remember better. I'll get to that.

So there is a note from the principal to please call her about it. Now it is 9:20 so I call her and apologize for the lateness of my call, she's a former nun and the principal of a Catholic school, I suspect it's a little late for her to get calls. She sounded awake so and said it was ok so whatever. So I am telling her about the MySpace and the issues we are having with the computer, the fact that we weren't even aware of this account, the fact of the accounts we have made Aly close and she just opens new ones when she is at someone else's house. I told her although Aly does have an account she is allowed to have she has been grounded from it for quite some time and this was apparently done during the grounding, while they were at my father's house, after my father had gone to bed and thought they had done likewise.

So during the course of the conversation and me saying that we are at a loss, we see all these counselors about this behavior and no one seems to be able to help and nothing seems to work, she says "I thought Alyssa was just this nice quiet girl until the incident a few weeks ago with Eric." And I said "What incident is that?" "Oh, she was supposed to talk to you about it and she told me that she had." I said, "Let's make one thing very clear, Alyssa will NEVER tell me anything that will get her in trouble. If she ever does anything, you have to call and tell me. She lies." The incident in question is that she and Eric were caught french kissing in the library at school!!! What balls does that take, in 8th grade, in a Catholic school. I am more than a little upset that I would never have known about this had something else not happened that made me have to speak to the principal. I think they really should have called me about that, not trusted her to tell me. But that's another issue.

So I went upstairs to ask Aly what else she supposed the principal wanted to talk to me about and she said "I don't know." I told her she needed to rethink it and she shrugged. So I said "I will go get my belt to help you remember." Then I went and got the widest belt I own and came back in with it. The look on her face was absolutely priceless. Shock, horror, sheer terror. But suddenly she knew just exactly what she told me about. Her dad asked her if she wanted to be known as a slut since she's kissing in school where she is obviously going to get caught and since she has "my horny lover" posted on her MySpace page. I told her when she gets pregnant she better hope that boy loves her and his mom is willing to let her live there because she's not living here. I am ready to kill her.

So, currently she was told she is not allowed to go to the dance next week. Which she paid for yesterday, tough crap for her, she shouldn't have lied. She has to improve her grades and if I catch her lying one more time, no 8th grade field trip (which I don't want to go on anyway) and if I catch her lying two more times, no dinner dance either (which she already has a dress for). She is grounded indefinitely, even though the counselors have said not to do that, because she clearly doesn't care what the counselors say anyway. And she'll be doing her research for her science fair project at the library.

I am ready to kill her.

Pictures Again

2007-04-15T15:56:00.000-05:00

Last night we went to a party for friends of Rob's parents. Here are some pictures Rob took and my comments on them. I am waiting for Maribeth's pictures, thus far there are none of me, which is good because I had three shots of Jager and three vodka and cranberry's. Bet's pictures may not be so good since she also had the shots and three beers. It was quite a fun evening.

This is John, whose birthday it was, he is 65. He is holding Roseann's baby, Izzie, who is a very happy baby and quite cute as well. She is five months old.

This is Ned...he is Izzie father...wearing her hair band. Usually he says nothing and is not all that much fun. But I guess he must have it in him. I am not sure how much he drank. He may have been over at the bar during the first round of shots I wasn't there then.

This is part of Maribeth, hopefully not taking a picture of me. And her husband Stephen. Just put this on here so you could see the infamous Stephen. I tell her all the time I don't get why she married him!

Lastly, two pictures of Kate and Mike, in the first one Mike is making "The Earl face" many of the pictures from last night have that because apparently that is the thing to do right now. Funny how Mike looks taller than Kate when in reality she is five inches taller than he is! In the first picture to the right of them is Roseann and Rob's mom.

If Maribeth got any good pictures, I will post them later.

Motivation

2007-04-10T16:46:00.000-05:00

Why is it that one week you can be completely gung-ho about something and a few days later just completely blase? I think for me it has to do with "that time of the month". Last week I was absolutely planning on using my three days off this week for spring break to do something useful and productive. That something was going to be finally paint my bedroom. I got new curtains and a comforter two summers ago for this project. I also got all new stuff for my bathroom. Last summer I finished stripping the wallpaper and started putting primer on all the god awful green trim that even though primered will take two coats of paint to cover. I then planned nothing for any of the days even though there are plenty of things I could be doing that involve leaving the house. I even got rid of my kids for two days.

When Monday rolled around I felt absolutely not at all like dragging out all that mess and starting to paint. I had scheduled my car for maintenance at 9 o'-freaking-clock just so that I would be up and back early and able to have the whole day to work on my room. I was home by 10 and did I paint? Nope, talked myself out of it, and it wasn't very hard. I wrote email and screwed around on the computer. I watched a DVD and by the time all that was done it was almost 5.

Today I decided I was going to sleep in since I have not worked since last Thursday yet have been up by 8 every single day. WTF! So I slept until almost 10. Then I went back into my weird writing trance that started the other day. I have written almost 4,000 words today, not that I am counting or anything. Then when looking for something on the Internet, and no, I am not telling what, I found someone's blog about said subject that was a freaking riot and I think I spent about the last hour and a half reading it. Highly entertaining.

My husband and children will be home any minute now. I have to say that I am not really looking forward to it. I like peace and quiet. I never get it. I am told that it gets old, I don't get to find that out though so it's ok. My children have been driving me crazy. I am trying to reach a state where I can just not care anymore. I have done all I can, I know that my mom just let me go and do my thing. Although I really never did anything until I was a senior in high school. I think that's why I can't do it. Alyssa is bad NOW so god only knows what she'll be doing in four more years. I've told her repeatedly that I absolutely, positively will not be raising any more babies that did not come out of my own body. Realistically I know that I cannot control them now because they are too old for that. So I need to just let it go and whatever happens, happens. Free will and all that.

My husband started in one of his whiny moods yesterday. I made reservations to go to Florida to see Stacy and Cynthia because I need a weekend away from these crazy people! So then he gets all bent out of shape, even though we had already talked about it. Now it has turned into this whole "we don't like to do any of the same things" (which is because he likes to do nothing) and "we need marriage counseling" nonsense. Ugh! I am not a bad person, I really am not, but I just cannot take needy. Please, get a grip. So after all that nonsense, he is messing with the computer and deletes all our music. So now, not only is he on his "my wife is going to leave me" bit, he's on a "I can't believe I am so stupid" bit.

Yeah, I like being alone. Now I am going to read my email, assuming I have anything new, which I more than likely do not, and go back in my trance. It's a lot easier than my real life. I will face up to the 10 phone calls I need to make in the morning and maybe one day this summer when I am not getting my period, I'll feel like painting my room.

PMS

2007-04-03T19:40:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say that I am completely sick to death of PMS! It is so annoying. And the shortness of my cycle is also terribly annoying. By the time the whole mess is over, I have one week of peace before the PMS sets in again.

Basically, everything is annoying me right now and I feel like complaining! Argh! I am going to discuss this with my doctor. Guess I should get around to making that two month overdue appointment. Cuz *that* doctor is SO much fun. Bleh. It's right up there with the dentist. Who decides that's what they want to do with their life???

I totally cannot stand my children

2007-04-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

I have absolutely no freaking idea what I was thinking when I decided I wanted kids. I have less of an idea what I was thinking when I chose to adopt two kids whose biological parents were fucked up, drug addict, teenagers. In case anyone was wondering about that whole nature v. nurture issue, it's all nature. No matter what you do, if the kids have bad genetics, you will not change them. And one more thing, everything is genetic. And I do mean everything.

You think that you can raise children to be honest-you can't. Both my children are liars. They lie about stupid stuff, not even just to stay out of trouble. They will look you straight in the face and tell you it's sunny out when it's pouring down rain. Why? No idea. I have tried to instill in them for the past nine years that honesty and trust are the two most important things in relationship with other people. Apparently they do not give a rat's ass. I told my daughter in front of her counselor that I do not trust her out of my sight. Three days later she asks if she can go to the movies with her friend. No adults. Um, no. Why? Uh, because I don't trust you out of my sight. Her response, "whatever". So as you can see-terribly important to her. She was going to be ungrounded yesterday-she was grounded for her miserable report card-so what does she do? Doesn't do her homework so I get a note from her math teacher that she is missing three assignments in two weeks. Mind you, they did not actually have classes all the days of those two weeks. She had two field trips in there and they never have homework on Friday so we are talking about missing three out of probably six assignments. Do I ask her every day if she did all her homework? Yes I do. And what is her answer, every day? Yes. And will she continue with her nonsense bullshit next week, even though she will stay grounded forever because I just don't care anymore? Yes, she will. I am not supposed to ground her indefinitely because it "leads to feelings of hopelessness". Whatever. Guess what, the fact that no matter what I do my kids behave the same way day after day has led to my feelings of hopelessness. Join the freaking club.

While we are on it, school. So, you let your kids know from the very beginning that school is important. You make them do their homework, you meet their teachers, you participate in school functions. This is what you do so that your kids will succeed in school and understand that it is important. Right? Well, that's genetic too. I have miss"I'd rather be pretty than smart" for a daughter and "this is a waste of my time" for a son. Neither of them does jack when it comes to school unless we MAKE them. And I mean MAKE. Not just tell them go do it, no, that would be far to easy. There is screaming, yelling, threatening, punishments and of course they lie and if we want it to actually BE done we have to check every single last assignemnt. We can never just assume something is done because they SAY it is. No one can just DO their schoolwork and be done with it. That would make too much sense.

Today I tell my son, who thinks he is the smartest person in the house (Rob made him admit that he thinks he is smarter than both Alyssa and I) to wash a knife. He doesn't know how. Oh-so who helps him, his sister who he calls stupid at least 20 times a day. He is standing there holding the knife, rubbing it with a sponge, no water, no soap. I tell him he needs water and soap. "Where is the soap?" WHAT? You are kidding me. We have a soap dispenser built into our counter right next to the faucet. It's real hard to find as you can imagine. So I tell him but he doesn't know what I mean. I ask him if he is dumb. This is when Aly intervened and showed him. He is then pumping soap onto the knife-a knife takes a lot of soap you know, and that was when I lost it. He had been standing there, contemplating how to wash a knife for at least three full minutes. Yeah, he's the smartest one in the house. So I told him I don't know what he thinks is going to happen when he runs away (because he still threatens that at least once a week and I swear to god if he does I am so NOT looking for him) because he won't last a day because he is completely incapable of taking care of himself. So he starts SCREAMING at me to stop calling him a stupid idiot. Neither of those words came out of my mouth at any point. A screaming match ensued which ended with me literally trying to strangle him. It was bad. I realized, thankfully I guess, because I really don't want to go to prison, that I should not actually strangle him so I shoved him away from me and crashed into the refrigerator. I have to call Brandon's best friend's mom and tell her I took the mother of the year award away from her today. She was the current holder because she shoved her son into the pantry and then threw a glass across the kitchen and chipped her granite counter top. I think attempted strangulation trumps that though. Her kids are adopted and apparently they have bad genes too. Imagine that.

I then left the room and told Rob he needed to get rid of Brandon. He called Maribeth but she didn't answer so then he tells me that we can't get rid of him because we need to assure him that we are going to keep him. Really? I have been doing that for nine years and if that is what his problem is, it's not really helping anything. Maribeth called me back and I talked to her about it and she said she would take him but he has to go to school and all that and I suppose I can't really get rid of him. But I did tell him that if he was someone I was married to I would have divorced him seven years ago because he is mean to me and I would not put up with it. I am only putting up with it because I have no choice.

I have decided I am over him. He can do what he wants. He can carry on with his little "I'm depressed" routine and then pitch fits every week because he has to go to a counselor. Miraculously, on Thursday nights he is not depressed, Valerie is just a waste of his time. But the rest of the week he doesn't want to do anything and has trouble getting through the day because he is depressed. What he is is a big excuse maker who can't accept any responsibility for himself. Next time he runs away and gives "my mom ignores me" as his excuse, it will be true. Because I am going to ignore him. I really have been left with no choice.

He'll be 12 this year. I am hoping the next six years fly by because when he is 18, unless he can act right and take care of himself, he is out of here.

And there is my rant. I hate kids.

Keeping Track

2007-03-22T19:20:00.000-05:00

This morning, Madison, my least favorite DJ on Sirius First Wave, played Rio, the 12" dance version. I think she is trying to keep me from sending hate mail. I was tempted when she said that she receives hate mail from the Alt Nation listeners. That is my second favorite Sirius station and she annoys me on there too, with her Tuesday song-which is, I am sure, why she gets hate mail.

And just to let everyone know, Alyssa got accepted to GCIT for the cosmetology program. A few weeks ago she was talking about going to Williamstown High School and I was concerned that she had changed her mind or had let Sheila talk her out of going somewhere else so that they would be at the same school next year. But she is very excited so I think she was just telling herself she wasn't getting in so that she wouldn't be disappointed. She called her friends to tell them right away and did not even suggest that she didn't want to go there. We signed all the papers to send back tomorrow. Hopefully Williamstown isn't a pain in the ass about the transportation. GCIT said that the home school is supposed to provide busing. It's a county school of choice.

She had a minor meltdown in counseling last night. I made her cry. Then she asked me to leave so she could talk to Kate alone. Yeah, I am a mean mom! Today she is in a much better mood so maybe something was said that got through to her. Who knows! Kate scheduled her for an extra session for next week since she was so upset last night.

BUT

2007-03-21T19:54:00.000-05:00

not so mad that I wasn't happy when they played Save a Prayer this morning. Although I was bummed because I was stopping for gas and for some reason the Sirius does not receive at gas stations. So I didn't actually get to hear it.

And not literally mad. Geez! This nonsense just made me remember why I was so "over them". And I just realized, hey, I can go to their web site to look for news. Of course there is none as far as an album. But there was this...

Linger (click me)

You should watch it. I have this song by the way.

By The Way

2007-03-20T19:22:00.000-05:00

I have been having totally crazy dreams. No sex this time...sorry. The other night I dreamt that I was washing my hands and there were bugs coming out of the faucet and I kept trying to wash off the bugs but there were just more of them. I woke up all freaked out. Ew.

I actually just remembered that I had a really crazy dream the night before last and right now all I can remember was waking up like "Oh my god!" and I can't remember why. Last night I took sleeping pills. I just need to sleep through the night and not be disturbed by my insane subconscious.

OMG...NO WAY...I just went to a dream interpretation site and check this out: (dammit, I can't cut and paste...I know I did before!)

To see a bug in your dream suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxiety and/or fears. ... Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.

I think I need to read interpretations of all dreams. Are they all about worries or sex? Apparently I am worried (which I already know) and have some sort of sexual issue. Because no matter what I dream about, when I look it up, that's what the interpretation is. How does someone come up with bugs and sexual thoughts???

But wait, there's more. If I look it up as "insects" instead of "bugs", and really, how is that different? It says:

To see insects signifies minor obstacles you must overcome. There are small problems and annoyances that need to be dealt with. ... Insects are also said to be symbolic of precision, alertness and sensitivity. You may need to organize your thoughts and sort out your values. Sometimes they are seen as divine messengers.

And how would I know the difference between bugs and insects?

Duran Duran

2007-03-20T19:06:00.000-05:00

On my way to work this morning I heard Is There Something I Should Know? and I thought that was really cool because I haven't heard it in a long time. I have Sirius and they play Duran all the time but usually they play Hungry Like the Wolf, Rio or Girls on Film. Anyway, I told Beth about hearing ITSISK and yesterday she wished me happy New Moon on Monday thereby proving that she is, in fact, the better Duranie.

But anyway...on my way to the grocery store this evening they played Girls on Film (see, that's what they usually play) and I decided that I am mad at Duran Duran. And a few years ago when they had the big reunion and I was all loving them and I couldn't remember why I ever stopped loving them...now I remember. Because they take too freaking long to do anything. I just do not have this much patience! I went to a bunch of shows, then they released Astronaut and I loved it, and I played it a million times, and saw them like six more times or something ridiculous, and then they were working on a new album. Then they were working with Justin, then they weren't, then they were, then they had "creative differences" and then Andy left. Ok, that was good, we can work with Andy leaving, he's the "creative differences" we all know this, and they are working with Justin and now it's six freaking months later and I listened to Astronaut last week and I am tired of listening to it and they need some new music! It's too much drama. Release the freaking album already! It has to be done.

It is easy to make me mad on the way to grocery shopping. I despise grocery shopping. I go about once every three weeks. I get some stuff at Target in between, non-perishables and what not, but the grocery store, bleh. So, now I am mad at Duran Duran-they should not play Girls on Film while I am going to the grocery store. They need to dust off Hold Back the Rain, maybe then I wouldn't have gotten annoyed.

And now onto the topic of grocery shopping. I contend that Tuesday is the best night to go. No one goes to the store on Tuesday-Monday is no good because they are not restocked from the weekend. But by Tuesday, they are, and no one is there. So they always have what you want, and no one gets in your way. So tonight as I am grocery shopping, I keep running into this same man in every aisle. About half way through the store he starts talking to me about how he used to shop on Sunday but the weekend is horrible and during the week is best. I repsonded that Tuesday is best and he agreed.

So what I want to know from those of you who read this blog...which one of you wants to go grocery shopping with me next time I go and I will try to hook you up with these men I see every time I have gone shopping lately?? I did not make eye contact because I don't like to encourage strange men to talk to me (when the really old guys talk to me because they need help finding stuff-that's different) but I am guessing he was single. ;->

Final complaint...spell check does not work right on this thing. I just spell checked and it didn't pick up Duranie-c'mon, that's not a real word!!

Crazy Dragon Lady

2007-03-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

As you are aware, the principal at my school is abso-freaking-lutely crazy. I recently read a book called "The Sociopath Next Door" and now I really think she is one, but I am not going to get into that. Apparently there are some people who have been leaving earlier than what we are allowed to leave, 3:40. Now, were I the one in charge I would speak to those people about the issue. However, that is not what the crazy woman does. The crazy woman decides that the way to handle it is to hold the sign out sheet hostage and have it locked up until exactly 3:40.

The reason this is a problem is that because of the way the building is set up and because it is an elementary school and teachers have to take kids to after care and whatnot, different people would stop into the office at different times anytime between 3:15 and 3:40 and sign out, including me. This did not mean that we were leaving, we would write 3:40, go back to our rooms and work until 3:40. Well now, since people are at the office at 3:35 because they took their kids to aftercare and their classroom is on the other side of the building so they wait in the office. Now what we get is a long line at 3:40 to sign out so that if you do not go to stand in the office and wait at 3:30, you won't get out until 3:5o. This is a problem for me because my children's after care program is charged by the half hour. If I do not leave by 3:45 at the very latest, I cannot get then until after 4 which will amount to me getting charged for the next half hour every day-which amounts to $70 a month for me. It's a big deal.

So now, instead of checking my mail, signing out at 3:30 and going back and working in my office until 3:40, I stand in the office and do nothing for 10 minutes every day. All of the kindergarten teachers do the same thing because if they were to walk back to their rooms after dropping the aftercare kids off, by the time they get to the other side of the building, it would be time to turn around and walk back and frankly, why bother. So anyway, this is the brilliant management strategy of the principal. She has at least ten people every day, just standing there waiting to sign out. Did I mention there is actually a timer set and the secretaries can't put the sheet out until it goes off?

But wait...here is the best part...everyone knows who the people are who leave early. And guess what...they are still leaving early, they just don't sign out. So instead of solving the problem, the people who are doing what they are supposed to be doing are being punished and the people who are the problem, are still leaving.

We actually got an email about this sign out sheet business which if I had any sense I would have printed out to take on job interviews as evidence in writing of the insanity of this woman. I have almost no chance of getting a new job because when I interview and the principal asks if they can call my current principal I say no they can't. But I can't say why, because if I were to say why then I would be the one who looks crazy, no one can believe the shit she does.

She is having health problems and I know it's wrong but I hope she retires. She was just on vacation and she looks like death. One day this week she left early because she was sick and someone saw her walking out of the building dragging her coat across the parking lot. How weird is that?

OK, I am going to watch this movie with my husband on the new tv. Besides, the cat is mad because she wants to sit on my lap.

Taking My Good Old Time

2007-03-17T20:19:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to post some rantings and I have not done that. I went to see my grandmother today. She knew who I was which is a huge improvement over when she was still in the hospital.

Lisa is out of the hospital...again. They told her that she should not return to that environment right now so she is not home. She went to stay with her friend John who, as far as I know, lives out in Western Pennsylvania somewhere near Penn State. But I could be wrong. He's married and has a kid so hopefully that's an ok place for her to be. I don't know. She supposed to go to court Monday about custody of her kids but I have no idea if she's going or not.

Alyssa got a D on her report card, again. I have no idea what her issue is. She just doesn't seem to get it. So now she is grounded again and she doesn't even really seem to care. Sometimes I think she is relieved when she doesn't have to deal with her friends and she can blame us for it. I guess it's possible. I don't really get that either. Anyone who was really my friend would have been fine with me just wanting to sit alone in my room and brood and anyone who wasn't ok with that wasn't enough of a friend for me to care what they thought of it.

But these are not the things I was going to rant about.

Good Day

2007-03-10T21:57:00.000-05:00

What I needed to do today was go into the basement and go through the huge stack of papers sitting on the desk down there to get everything out of it that I need to take to the accountant Monday night to get my taxes done. What I actually did today was something completely different. I suggested to Rob that he take Brandon to a movie, so they went to see Ghost Rider which apparently scared the crap out of Brandon. Funny stuff.

Alyssa went to Sheila's. She actually just got home from Sheila's and Sheila spent the night here last night. Aly walks in the door and asks if she can go on AIM because Sheila needs to tell her something. Huh? I point out to her that she spent literally 26 of the last 28 hours with Sheila and, well, no. I have digressed and my point was that I was home alone.

Since I have a gift card for Macy's that I got for Christmas and didn't find anything to spend it on after Christmas, I decided to go to the mall. I would like it known that I am wearing jeans, a blue, yellow and green striped turtleneck and minimal (i.e. mascara) make-up. I am in the mall for no more than a minute and catch some guy totally staring at me. He realized I realized and looked away fast-like he was embarrassed he was just caught. I then caught at least three other guys checking me out. This has not happened to me in quite a while, I was pretty entertained by it. In case you are thinking I am paranoid and/or overly impressed with myself, I am sure I was not imagining it because two of them actually said hi. And one of them cannot have been over 25. So, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

When I waked past Macy's on the upper level of the mall I didn't go in because there were horrible, scary perfume people. I hate those people so I just went in on the lower level and went up once inside the store. There was a skirt I loved however it was $89 so I didn't even try it on. I tried on some other stuff that was actually on sale, including a black denim jacket with a rhinestone skull on the back. But since that was $65 even on sale, I figured I didn't really need it that much. That's too much to spend on something which is purely entertaining.

I walked around the mall for about an hour and bought nothing. Then went to Old Navy and bought nothing. So that wasn't so great. But then when I came home, the kids were gone and Rob was here. His mom called this morning to say that Boscov's has this 37" flat screen, plasma tv on sale and with her discount and no sales tax we could get it for $900. So we went back to the mall to look at it. I took Rob to Macy's to show him the skirt, since the scary people were gone, we went in on the upper level and I saw some clothes I hadn't seen earlier and I got a cute shirt and a pair of jeans, that I can wear to work because they are green, with the gift card. And the jeans are a size 4. Why they fit I have no idea-sized wrong, because nothing else I own is that small. Then I tried on the really awesome skirt and got that, and a top to go with it. Then we went back to Boscov's to get a belt because the green jeans are a little big in the waist and I got a cool belt and two pairs of on sale shoes. The shoes were a total of $41 which is completely awesome.

Rob is going to get the tv tomorrow. Not sure we need it but I can rationalize anything. I am sure we'll get more back on our taxes and we can pay cash for it so I guess it's ok. He's building a tivo too. Yep, my husband is that big of a geek.

Overall, I'd say it was a good day! Tomorrow I am going to get a massage and hang out with my friends. When I am going to get the laundry done and get the stuff together for the accountant, I have no idea.

For my next post, I am going to make a list of all the crazy that is my principal to remind myself of why I need to look for a new job even though I don't want to!

Oh My God with the Crazy Dreams!

2007-03-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

I hardly ever dream, or at least I don't remember them. However, most dreams I have are in the 18 minutes that I snooze every morning. I read once that you have to wake up within a few minutes (I want to say it was three) of having the dream to remember it, which is, I suppose, why the snoozing ones are the ones I remember.

I have never, ever had many sex dreams. If you read this, you may know I had one not too long ago. This morning, during my snoozing, I had another one. Only there was nothing hiding or "what the fuck" in this one. Just straight up sexual. I shared part of it with Birm already as I felt she would appreciate it and perhaps has had one herself. I hit the snooze, went back to sleep and had an extremely vivid dream about Dave (Gahan-Depeche Mode) and I. I do not care to share the details and trust me, it would be TMI anyway. I was sort of confused when the alarm went off again that it wasn't actually real (not so much the Dave part as the sex part, I'm not that delusional) it was seriously vivid.

I hit snooze twice, so I went back to sleep. Things picked up right where they left off when I fell back to sleep only the next thing I know, it wasn't Dave anymore, it was Trent Reznor. (And yeah, I think he's real hot in a scary, messed up and I could fix him kind of way.) But Dave was still there so I guess my subconscious is real slutty. Anyway, when my alarm woke me up again I was really annoyed that no one was actually there. Imagine that. ;->

I think I have something hormonal going on. Being 37 is weird. I have decided.

Delta Zeta

2007-03-06T17:20:00.000-05:00

Since someone has actually asked me about this, here is what I have to say about it for any of you guys who read this and know that's the sorority I am in "not four years, for life" and all that... I went to the National site and there is a lot of information on there. National is saying that what happened has been mischaracterized by the media and only one side of the story has been told, inaccurately at that. Since I am of the opinion that the media in general is not to be trusted, I have to make a decision on what to believe. The statement made by National seems truthful to me, and based on my own experience with Pan-Hellenic and the college administration when I was an undergraduate, I have decided that I think the media has put a negative spin on the story and National did not engage in discrimination at DePauw.

That is all I have to say about it. If you want to go look, there are some articles on the National site including letters to the editor written by people at the college who are not in the sorority. The site is www.deltazeta.org

Adding to the Story

2007-02-25T21:43:00.000-05:00

I called Lisa today, I don't even know what to think about her. She was back in the hospital because she "ate a bottle of xanax". She tells me that she should be dead. Apparently last weekend she called everyone on Saturday and was really nasty to everyone. I guess that was why she called me but she doesn't remember calling anyone or talking to anyone. She didn't talk to me. Her parents went and got her and took her to their house and were just going to keep her there but then she went in the bathroom and her dad caught her going to take the bottle of aspirin-which I know from many years ago does nothing but make a person sick (and no, I didn't do it). So they took her back to the hospital.

She did come home on Thursday. She had her medication changed and no longer has a prescription for xanax. She is set up with therapy, who knows if she'll go. But in the meantime her charming husband got an emergency order giving him full custody of the girls and won't let her see them and won't let her mom see them either. So basically he is just being an asshole all around. He also has a picture of he and his girlfriend on his MySpace page.

I talked to her for about five minutes. She and her friend Joanne are going to a concert. So, I guess she's really concerned about everything.

For Those of You Keeping Score

2007-02-20T20:51:00.000-05:00

Lisa is back in the hospital. My mom told me yesterday that her mother (Lisa's) had her committed and she can't sign herself out this time. She signed herself out last week. All I was told was that she was admitted for "drugs and alcohol". As far as I knew, she quit drinking before she was even 21 due to several incidences of being so intoxicated and sick later that she just didn't want to do that anymore. Oh yeah-and those incidents were mostly mine and Stacy's faults. (Stacy and I don't recall holding her down and pouring that Captain Morgan's down her throat but whatever) And as far as I know she stopped using any drugs before she had her first daughter, who is almost 9. So unless she went on some sort of bender over the weekend; OR it was for the Xanax usage, I have no idea.

Sheri's father passed away. He was in the hospital for 144 days. Jill and I went to the funeral and Sheri wasn't there. We found out later she was deathly ill with a stomach virus that is going around. I am sure she'll be emotionally traumatized from that. I should call her.

Brandon has a girlfriend. He has been in a better mood. We are worried about what will happen when Zoe decides she doesn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. They are 6th graders after all. Now he's arguing with us that WE are obsessed with tv. We watch like one show a day, and this is coming from the child who CRIED when he missed the season finale of the Avatar because "they never show reruns of this show". I would like it noted that the show was repeated three times that same weekend! And he has seen it at least five times. But anyway...

Alyssa is grounded again because she thinks all adults are stupid and that this will be the time she gets away with it. Whatever it may be. This time "it" is that she had note cards due for a research paper she's supposed to be working on. I asked her every day how it was coming along "oh good"; asked her if she was where she was supposed to be "yep". The day before I got the phone call from her teacher telling me about the note cards that were due two weeks before the day he called she asked if she could go to Sheila's next door because "all my homework is done" and I said "what about the research paper, are you up to date?" Of course! So when I got the call and I pointed out to her that she had been lying to me and to her teacher she said "I didn't lie to Mr. C" well I suppose telling him you don't have you cards with you is technically not a lie-just because you don't have them because they aren't done. ::sigh:: I give up. But I did remind her that she told me the night before that all her homework was done and I specifically asked about that paper and she said that too. She did have to relent that that was in fact a lie. She lucked out on the grounding. It was originally two whole weeks but we gave her one and now have just put restrictions on school night activities. No more visiting friends on school nights. Unless she can pull off a report card with only A's and B's. Since that hasn't happened since 2nd grade, I am not too worried about it happening now.

Off to watch Prison Break.

The Latest

2007-02-10T17:09:00.000-05:00

My mom tells me that my grandmother is doing ok. The nurses said she is better in the morning so my mom is going to go see her in the morning when she goes. She feels bad because she can't go every day. My aunt Sue told me not to let her or my aunt Linda feel guilty because she has no reason to. My grandmother was only able to stay in her apartment as long as she did because of them. Of course, I can tell my mom it's ok not to go every day but if she's going to feel guilty, there's nothing I can say to fix that.

She said that mom-mom doesn't seem to recognize them but she asks questions that make sense so it's weird. She asked aunt Linda how Lisa and Dominic were, but didn't know who she was. Who knows. Today she fell out of her wheelchair so that doesn't sound good. But they are getting her up and making her socialize every day which is an improvement over when she was in her apartment and never left.

The Lisa update...I got a message from my mom yesterday that said "I need to talk to you about your cousin". She and Wally were arguing and he took her to Bridgeton Psych and left her there. Hr parents were supposed to go to Florida today, thy were flying back with my aunt Sue, but of course they cancelled their trip, which they cannot get any money back for, or even change the dates because it was less than 24 hours notice. Lisa's insurance apparently doesn't pay for where she was so they had to move her to a hospital in Woodbury-which is about an hour from where she actually lives, and put her in there on a suicide watch. Dominic said "she won't kill herself, she doesn't have the balls" which is totally true.

I just talked to my mom, Lisa is still there, they won't release her until Monday. She's sorry that she did it, she just wanted them to put her in touch with a doctor or something. I don't know, I haven't called her and I am not going to. I think she is being ridiculous and dramatic. She knows that I just went through a bunch of crap with Brandon and that I have emergency numbers. If you are going to pull a dramatic "I am going to kill myself" stunt, you don't do it on a Friday. There is no one around to deal with her so now she's stuck in the hospital.

She wants to see her girls and when her parents tried to call Wally he won't answer his phone. They called her best friend and she got a hold of him. He said he's bring them to see her, which surprises me. But I am not sure that he should. I don't really think a hospital is the best place for young children. Her kids have been through enough already.

Her whole problem is "she still loves him". OH MY GOD! Are you f-ing kidding?! First of all, he has a girlfriend. A 22 year old girlfriend at that. He moved out over a month ago and has not paid her one dime of support. He has convinced her she is crazy, verbally abused her and is just generally an asshole. Not to mention that how much did she love him when she was sleeping with other guys? In the past two years she has slept with three other guys. If she loved him so much why was she doing that instead of trying to fix her marriage? Rob and I had a lot of problems the first five years of our marriage, which is all the longer she's been married, and I told her that, and all the problems we had back then, it never even occurred to me to contact ex-boyfriends and sleep with them. This just so reminds me of my first boyfriend and our relationship-it makes me insane. I was 19 when I was acting like this. She's 32, and has kids. Four of them. But we all know who's going to get custody now. When she was actually seeing a counselor they told her that her biggest problem was impulse control. Gee, ya think? I don't think she needed to pay anyone to tell her that.

And finally, my friend Sheri. Over the past two years Sheri and I have grown apart and I have seen her once in the past year and I have talked to her maybe three times, once being this past Tuesday. Her dad died today. He has been sick and in the hospital since September. Jill and I were trying to remember how old he was but we're not sure. We think 64 or 5. I called her the other night because of the whole sorority thing. They are disbursing all of the albums and I requested the one from when I pledged, which of course is missing, can't say I am surprised. Laura probably has it, she hated a lot of the girls that joined after us and I know she was taking stuff because they weren't "real" sisters and she didn't want them to have "our" stuff. But I digress. So I asked for the book from when Sheri pledged, intending to give it to her. I knew she was dealing with this stuff with her dad and has not been keeping up with all this stuff that's been going on but that she would want it.

The original plan was to give the books to the historian that made them but they couldn't track down who all of them were. Again, am I surprised that the records were poor? I am not. I got this photo album the other day and the first page was pictures of Sheri's pledge class, but it was her handwriting. As I turned the pages I saw that it was not from when she pledged, it was from the following two semesters and she was the historian who made the book. I thought it was really ironic that the intention was to give them to the historian and that's what I got. So I called her to tell her I had this book for her and we talked for a few minutes. Not long because I wasn't expecting her to answer, I know she's been with her family and at the hospital so I called when we had a counselor coming any minute. So when she got here I had to get off the phone. But I did talk to her for about five minutes and what she told me about her dad did not sound good but she sounded ok. I think this has been going on for so long that they have to feel at least some relief that it is over. From what she was telling me I think he had to be suffering.

I guess that I will go over to the viewing with Jill on Thursday. Sheri was setting up a sorority dinner for a group of us who are close by but I am not sure if she'll be up to it now. It's not until the week after next though so maybe she'll be ready for a diversion. I feel bad for her. I can't imagine how it would be to lose your father so young. Although my grandfather was only 66 when he died. My dad was only a few years older than what Sheri is now.

That's all my bad news. Rob went to get the kids McDonald's because we are going out for our anniversary. We're supposed to be leaving at 5:40 and it's now 5:33 and he's not home. How long does it take to get McDonald's??

Mom-Mom Update

2007-02-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

My grandmother was moved to a nursing home today. The bleeding from the diverticulitis stopped on its own so there was no reason to keep her at the hospital. I am not sure how good she actually is or what the prognosis is, but I guess she's better than she was this past weekend.

My Grandmother

2007-02-03T18:58:00.000-05:00

My grandmother, my mother's mother, is (I think) 84. Last Thursday (Jan 25) she fell at some point between when her home health aide left at 6 pm on Wednesday and when her aide (Lisa) got there at 9 am on Thursday. She doesn't know when she fell. She said it was "getting light" but she really doesn't know what's going on at this point.

Thursday when I went to my mom's to work out, Mark told me that things were bad like it was time for Aunt Sue and Uncle Jim to get here, bad. She has diverticulitis and is bleeding and they can't stop it. Then my mom came home and told me pretty much the same thing. She talked to her brother and before I left she said he was coming Friday (yesterday). She was not sure about Aunt Sue, she did come also, today.

Yesterday after school I went to the hospital. When I got there my mom was on the phone with my grandmother's GI doctor. Lisa was in the room with mom-mom and I went in and Lisa said "Look, Tricia's here". She was real excited and said "I was hoping you'd come!" but I am pretty sure she has no idea who the heck I am. She is wide awake and has a lot to say, but most of it is nonsense. I guess she is going in and out of knowing who anyone is. It's a little weird because the doctors have been saying forever that she does not have Alzheimer's Disease, she has dementia, not sure what the difference is, but yesterday it was all crazy talk.

When my mom got off the phone she came in the tell everyone, that being, Aunt Linda, Lisa and I, that the GI doctor is not very happy with the things the staff doctor has been saying. He says that the bleeding is minor, he recommends waiting two days to see if it stops on its own, she needs blood transfusions, but small ones, unless she suddenly needs 8-10 units, he said he thinks they should get them. If the bleeding doesn't stop by Monday, he can do surgery, a non-invasive procedure, to stop it, and he thinks she is in good enough shape to survive that. He is not happy that the staff doctor has basically said that they should just let her bleed to death. He said there is no reason at all for that. Why are some doctors such jerks? We know she is old but she is a person and what they are doing for her is not heroic nor is it hurting her. I wonder how he would feel about it if it was HIS mother/grandmother!

Anyway, she's saying all kinds of crazy things. She wants to leave though-she knows that. While I was there she told Lisa, is a very angry voice "We need to go sit in front of City Hall!" Lisa and I about choked. She also keeps talking about calling her mother, who has been dead for a long time. I think my mom said she saw me once. Maybe, I could be wrong on that. She thinks Aunt Linda is her mother too. Her regular doctor said a while ago that we just need to go along with the crazy stuff. No point in arguing with her. She usually thinks I am my mom and calls me Patty-last night she kept looking back and forth at us and looking surprised each time, like some sort of magic trick was going on that "Patty" was on both sides of the bed!

Anyway, if they stop the bleeding and all that, she will have to go into a nursing home. But my mom also said that once Jim and Suzanne get here she may just decide to let go. That is what happened with my grandfather, there was no earthly explanation for how he was still alive at all. They came and the next day he died. So I am a little worried about that. I really don't know how to feel. She is my grandmother and of course I want her around, but at the same time, she's not really herself anymore and who knows what it is like to be her. Really I think I am more worried about my mom.

Again, since I have two friends that read this...it's for your benefit, so I only have to type it once.

Dreams

2007-02-01T18:18:00.001-05:00

After the dreams I had last night I have determined that I am officially insane. I had a dream that I was having sex in the back of a car with my extremely ex boyfriend, Rob. This I can accept since I wrote my nano novel about senior year of high school and that's how extremely I am talking about, and I was editing my novel last night before I went to bed and the last section I was editing was the first time I had sex, and it was with him. So I am not thinking that him being in the dream was the weird part. The weird part was that his parents were driving the car while this was going on. But we didn't actually have sex. When we got to almost having sex we simultaneously said something along the lines of "what the hell? I am not having sex with you!" and put our clothes back on.

Now, we are still in the back of the car, that his step-father is driving, and I am leaning against him and sleeping. We just yelled at each other but now we are all cozy in the car. So what's that? I am comfortable with the result of our relationship? So in my dream I am dreaming and in that dream I am falling because I dreamt that the car drove off a bridge. So in my dream I wake myself up because I hate falling dreams, but I am still actually having this dream. Confused? Because I sure as hell am. Then we stopped for ice cream. There was weird stuff going on there too and naturally I went in to get ice cream with them but once we were inside I was with other people that I know, but I can't remember who that was now.

Naturally I had to go to this dream interpretation site this morning. http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ and here is what I found there...

About sex, and I am selecting parts, some of it was just not relevant and there is a ton of stuff on there about sex, surprise, surprise:
To dream about sex, refers to the psychological completion and the integration of contrasting aspects of the Self. You need to be more receptive and incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into your own character.
OK, this I can accept, being married for 12 years...Rob was definitely adventurous so, maybe I need to channel that. Then it says...
To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy.
As if I couldn't come up with that on my own! WTF?!
To dream that you are having sex with an ex or someone who is not your current mate, denotes your reservations about embarking in a new relationship or situation.
What new relationship?! I don't have a new situation either! So I can only conclude that...
Alternatively and a more direct interpretation of the dream, may be your libido's way of telling you that it's been too long since you have had sex.
I am sure my husband would be happy to hear that! Works for him! Mind you he's upset I still have pictures of Rob so god forbid he should read this. Like I can control my dreams somehow.

Onto the next, dreaming about dreaming...
To dream that you are dreaming, signifies your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through.
Yeah, that basically sums me up. I am stressed out and worried.

And then, falling dreams...
To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.
Well, since I was dreaming I was dreaming I was falling, I wasn't frightened, I was annoyed because I hate falling dreams. I guess that means I can overcome adversities with ease if they annoy me? But what if you dream that you dream you are falling? What does that mean?

Ice Cream:To see or eat ice cream in your dream, denotes pleasure and satisfaction with your life. It is also an indicative of good luck and success in love.
Doesn't this seem contradictory? It does to me. Am I stressed out with adversities or am I satisfied? Who knows! Know what I think? It's official, I need meds!

Lisa Story

2007-01-30T19:44:00.000-05:00

For those who want to know...

Here is the latest news, and I am sure she would love to know I am posting this on the Internet. However, since she does have a MySpace and has her own blog on there where she tells equally private things and has pictures of herself posted so anyone could actually know who it was about, I don't see where she can say a whole lot.

Not sure what you know, they are officially separated, he moved out earier this month and is living with his parents. They are sharing custody of the girls, they do three days, four days or some such, I have no idea. He worked it out so she has them every weekend in February, I suppose so he can go out with his 22 year old girlfriend and she can't go out at all because she has four children. A few weeks ago Alyssa babysat for her and there was a big commotion that night because Lisa decided to try to catch him lying about where he actually was. They are separated so I am not sure why this matters. I don't know why he even tells her at all. So she tried to call his cell and he didn't answer, then he shut it off because she was being psycho. (you need this background for what happened this past weekend which is the height of crazy, I'll make it short).

She eventually winds up calling the suspected girlfriend and saying "where is my husband?" this 22 year old girl, who is clearly an idiot because why else would she be dating a married, 34 year old man with 4 children under the age of 10; says "I have no idea what you are talking about." and hangs up. So Lisa proceeds to call her repeatedly. Now, if I were this girl, I would run screaming in the other direction from this guy, but I guess I was never that stupid.

Lisa called me this past Saturday and told me that on Friday she went to talk to said girlfriend because "I have been acting like a psycho to her and it's not her fault." Excuse me?! What's not her fault? Is it her fault she is seeing a married man? She works with him and has for a while, it's not like his marital status was a secret. She says, "Well, we're separated." AND? The point? To this I replied that anyone who is seeing a married person, separated or not (and mind you this separation has been for three weeks-and she was totally seeing him before he moved out of the house, this I know because he had her in the house before) takes the risk that the spouse is a raving lunatic. And I informed Lisa that if she wanted to act like a psycho toward this girl, that was just too bad for her. He's MARRIED. Not her fault. Whatever.

Now our grandmother is in the hospital. Lisa's only source of income comes from helping our grandmother during the day. She is not going home. The hospital will not release her to go home, they will only release her to a nursing home. She is saying completely crazy things, she won't feed herself. She's there because she fell again. Lisa is out of a job. She has received no money from her wonderful husband since he left. He is so concerned about his children that he has not paid one dime of support in three weeks and she is so stupid she hasn't gone to file for support.

On Saturday I went to the hosptial with my mother to see my grandmother; Lisa and her mom, my mom's sister, were there. After we were there for about an hour I asked Lisa if she wanted to show me where the cafeteria was because I was starving and wanted something to eat. So as we are walking to the elevator her phone rings. Naturally it is the asshole. He has no name btw, he is just known as asshole. I am listening to her side of the conversation and wondering why it is even being had. I have told her repeatedly that I see no reason for her to speak to him unless it has to do with the children. We get to the elevator and I have had enough so I say "Well, there is no service in elevators, say goodbye." She continues to talk, the elevator comes and I shoot her looks, then I start making comments so she hangs up. She knows I will say whatever I feel like when it comes to him. He is an asshole, he is not worthy of my time or my respect. All I said was "Bye" really loudly and nastily, I guess she didn't want to see where I'd go with it so she hung up.

We wind up having to wander all over the place because the cafeteria is closed and we are looking for a soda machine that has water in it because that is what my mother wants. While we are wandering around she proceeds to tell me how she still loves him, she knows he still loves her and they are meant to be together. I tell her that he is messing with her and she needs to let it go. It's over, let it go. But no, I am wrong of course. Cuz I am the one with four kids, no job, husband moved out and is paying me no support and my house is about to get foreclosed. No wait, that's her. Clearly she is better at making choices than I am. And she's obviously thinking rationally about what is best for her children.

She tells me where there is a machine, I go in search of the water and she goes outside "to smoke a cigarette". I find the soda machine, get the water and go back to wait by the doors, it's cold, I am not going out there. I am waiting and waiting. I know how long it takes to smoke a cigarette and I am getting annoyed. Finally, I called her on her cell phone and said "Are you coming in or are you talking to him?" She replies "Just go up, I'll be there in a minute." I hung up and went up by myself.

Did I mention that there is a prisoner on the same floor as my grandmother? I know this by the two DOC guards sitting in the hallway two doors down. So yeah, I have to walk past there by myself.

When I got back in the room I told my aunt what was going on. She said "She's stupid." I asked her if she told her that and she says that she did. I told her good, so did I. My mother did too. When she came back up to the room she had nothing more to say to me. I am wondering if she's not speaking to me now. Which would be just fine, because I am no longer being nice with my opinions about her, her husband and her idiot choices. So it's probably for the best if she's not speaking to me. I can't make matters worse that way. Since she's not going to listen anyway, what's the point in talking to her?

Tomorrow I can give the updates on another one of my idiot cousins. Let me know which one you want to hear about. Of all my cousins, the only one who isn't an idiot is Stacy. We are still trying to figure out how we are the only responsible ones (this generation) in the entire family.

University City

2007-01-29T22:04:00.000-05:00

Can someone please explain to me why every road in University City is under construction? And has been for the past year? I took my son to an appointment at Children's Hospital today. They have a building at 3440 Market Street, that's where we went, not the main hospital.

So I get off the Schuylkill Expressway at South Street; turn left onto whatever that is, that direction I think it's not South but whatever, construction. I turn onto 33rd Street, construction; turn onto 34th off of Market, construction. The parking lot makes me leave out onto 35th-just to create a headache-that's new-after some other 34th Street construction that's now finished. I have to drive around the block to get back onto 34th because that's what way I want to go. I get over by the main hospital and...you guessed it...that's all the way down that section of the road, and I turn left to head back toward 76, again, more roads I have no clue the name of, but there is more construction there as well. All in all, a nightmare.

Pictures

2007-01-28T15:46:00.004-05:00

What do you do with old pictures? Mine are in photo albums, that were made at the time the pictures were developed. (That's right...developed) Not the scrapbook kind that some crazy people put together...that I don't get, but they are in albums. I have photo albums from when I was nine years old.

For some reason, one night my husband said something about one of my ex-boyfriends and Alyssa said, "Oh I saw a picture of him." And my husband said "Where?" Alyssa said, "In one of mommy's photos albums." He says, "You have pictures of your old boyfriends?" with complete disbelief. Now, his old pictures are in shoe boxes somewhere and if anyone bothered to look through them I am sure we'd find some old girlfriends but that's not my point so I won't go there. So I said, "In old photo albums, in the hall closet." He is looking at me like this is the craziest thing he has ever heard! I asked, "Am I supposed to tear apart my photo albums and throw them away?" There was no verbal response but the look I got was a "yes".

What the hell? These are not albums that are sitting out where you can just pick them up and look at them. They are in the hall closet, some are in the basement. One of them is from college with sorority stuff in it. Why would I rip them apart? It's my past and that's what it was. Does getting rid of the pictures somehow change it? It's not like he didn't know about these guys! Should I let my daughter think I only ever had one boyfriend? I think it's better for her to know that I had a few and she should too before she decides to get married.

We have been married for 12 years next month. I don't understand why he would be that insecure to worry about me having a picture of someone I dated 15-20 years ago! I suppose this means I have to get rid of my prom pictures too. Men!

8th Grade " Graduation"

2007-01-21T19:26:00.000-05:00

I keep threatening to post my tirade on the 8th grade "graduation" and I haven't done it yet. For those people interested enough to bother reading this, here goes.

First of all, when you are done with 8th grade, you have not actually graduated. Yes, you are moving on from elementary/middle school to high school, although in my area there is at least one school district I know of that has 8th and 9th grade in a junior high so I suppose even that is debatable. However, for the sake of argument, you're moving on to high school. Yes, it is a new phase of your educational life. It is not however, a graduation. You are not permitted by law to stop going to school at this point. And if you were, in the year 2007, what would you do with yourself and your 8th grade education?

But for some reason 8th grade graduation is now some huge deal. I could get started on a whole other tangent as to why I think this kind of nonsense is why "kids these days" get involved in things way too young. They don't have to wait for anything, there is nothing left to look forward to. Been there, done that. But that's a different tirade.

8th grade graduation is some huge deal. My daughter came home last week with a cap and gown. I have to press it before Wednesday when it has to go back to school to be there in time for the graduation pictures that will be taken this Friday, that I will be expected by my child to purchase. My child who will no doubt pose with her "emo face" that she is fond of using these days in her pictures. So I will not want these pictures. She will look ridiculous. She usually looks ridiculous in pictures that are taken when I am not there to say "stop making that dumb face".

Three weeks ago she started with nonsense about these pictures. The first week in January was "Can I have Sheila straighten my hair the day of the pictures?" How is this going to happen "She'll come over before school." Yeah, right, Sheila's bus comes at 7:05, no I do not need her in my house at 6 in the morning so she can straighten your already straight hair! Dry it with a blow dryer and a brush instead of wrapping it up in hair ties like you usually do. This went on for a week. Back and forth about the hair. Apparently the plan now is that Sheila will straighten it the night before. I'll need to remind Alyssa that we are not home on Thursdays due to her brother's counseling appointments.

The second week of January we moved on to nails. "I know you're probably going to say no to this. But can I get fake nails for my graduation pictures?" No, besides, you're not allowed to have painted nails at school. The principal has said that they can for the pictures and they can have them for the rest of the year as an 8th grade privilege. So we had to discuss nails for a week. The result of that was, "If you want nails, stop biting them." And now someone, I don't know who, is supposed to do a French manicure.

I think out of spite, if I do get any pictures, I'll get the ones with the cap on her head so that her nails aren't in the picture and her hair is covered. I am evil.

Last week we moved on to shoes. That's right, SHOES. When was the last time you had a picture taken where your shoes showed? We went through all this stuff with my brother and his family for family pictures for my mom where everyone was wearing the same thing, we had to go buy Rob a new pair of jeans. No ones' pants even show in this picture. And she is worried about SHOES! "Well, they are taking the group pictures too and our feet will show in that." Yeah, and the picture will be far enough back that no one will see your new white kitten heel shoes. That's what she wants, kitten heels. White, in January. Uh-huh.

So finally I called the 8th grade advisor and she said that yes, they are allowed to have the nails as an 8th grade privilege, but they have to be a neutral color. They can't be painted. What is the point of that? She agrees that there is absolutely no reason for new shoes. Then she tells me that the dinner dance is another story, everyone pretty much treats that like it's the prom. I am already annoyed about this whole thing. We are going to kill each other.

We got a letter that all 8th graders will need $500 in their graduation account. $500! What the hell is all that for? Alyssa says "caps and gowns and the dinner dance". Um, I know people who got married at the place they're having the dinner dance. With an open bar it's $57 a person. There won't be an open bar. I paid in the range of $50 last year for my cap and gown for graduation with a Master's degree-that has extra stuff with it, so...I repeat...$500?!

I have informed my daughter that if she thinks she is getting some gown and new shoes and god only knows what else for this dinner dance, she had better start saving her money and find some babysitting gigs. She was asked today to babysit every Saturday in February. I advised her that it would be a good idea for her to do so. She said she would. We'll see how that goes.

My husband thinks that for the dance we should let her get her nails done because this is a big deal to her. My feeling is that she has not done anything spectacular. She is skating through by the skin of her teeth, although she has been tested and I was told that "C"s are not reasonable for her, she should be getting "A"s and "B"s because she has a 120 IQ and a 12th grade reading level. She likes to point out that she did get an "A" on her report card. In what? Religion. That's right. The class that has no homework. One project a year which takes about an hour to do. The main thing they are talking about this year is chastity. So basically, boys-the only thing she IS interested. And I am supposed to be impressed that she got an "A"? She has never NOT gotten an "A" in religion.

How is it that this is the child I raised? I totally don't get it! I was not even a little bit interested in boys when I was 13. 13 year old boys are idiots, and they smell bad. I taught in middle school, trust me, they smell bad. I would not have wanted to bring my report card home if I had one "C", let alone nothing but "C"s. She thinks nothing of bringing home "D"s and "F"s, like "Why are you so freaked out about this?" This is a child who when she was 9 said "I'd rather be pretty than smart." I asked her what was wrong with both, because she could be both. Nope, we don't want to be smart. And she is sticking to it. She's going to be looking at eternal grounding. I see it coming.

Someone is going to have to move out of this house. And I think it may be me.

I hate everyone

2007-01-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

You know, some days I wonder why I even bothered to get married. Today is one of those days where I would definitely be happier if I was just by myself. My husband is being a miserable jerk and has decided that I am the one with the issue. Whatever. Asks me something then says "nevermind I don't want to hear it". Charming, I'll just talk to myself this evening.

We get pizza on Tuesdays because it's music lessons, the teacher comes here and he eats with us, so pizza is the easiest thing to do. I tell my husband we need to get bread so he may as well go a few minutes early. Now, to be fair, I asked him to help me copy a CD for Heather because I was having a hard time because some bands (you know who I mean Heather) really know how to work this copyright protection. So he's pissy trying to figure that out and I say "well, I am not going to see Heather until the 20th so it doesn't need to be done immediately. We can figure this out later." No, we have to do it NOW. So he's all worked up about that. I remind him to go get the pizza, he says ok but nothing happens. So I get all ready to go get it and he yells "I'll go". No, I have my coat on, goodbye.

He apologized for being jerky, went to Wawa to get bread and milk and after the music teacher left, went back to being jerky. That was when we went to "I don't want to talk about that." mode. So I am just not talking to him. The best part about it is that he doesn't even notice. I cleaned up the kitchen and now I am writing a tirade.

He's still messing around on the computer. I am going to go to bed in a minute and I am sure that he'll be down here for at least another hour. I am so annoyed. Yes, this is rambling. I am not even going to try to talk to him because now I am pissy.

South Park is really funny tonight though.

We need a picture

2006-12-30T20:06:00.000-05:00

Here is my dog in her Halloween costume, just because.

Psychedelic Furs and People Watching

2006-12-30T19:30:00.000-05:00

Last night I saw the Psych Furs at the Trocadero in Philly. I went with my husband and sister-in-law, Maribeth. Her husband was supposed to come too but he wussed out. That's another story tho.

The show was great. Richard Butler is starting to look quite a lot like David Bowie. He looked like he was having a great time and really wanted to be there. That's always nice. Unlike when we see Echo and the Bunnymen and Ian McCullough looks like he just wants to go home. Maribeth said she's not even sure he knows where he is. But as usual, I digress.

As I said, the show was great, I am not sure why they are touring, just for something to do I guess. As far as I could tell they don't have a new album. I didn't recognize three songs, but that doesn't mean anything. I don't have all their albums anyway. They played a couple of songs I had forgotten all about but I said "I love this song!" when they started, "Sleep Comes Down" and "Only You and I".

First adventure of the evening was getting there. We couldn't find anywhere to park. We finally found a lot that was close enough, walked over to the Troc and the bouncer says "have your ticket and your ID." Bet left her ID in the car. She is the youngest of the three of us and is 34, so I said "her's is in the car." He says "Well, you better go get it, it's an over 21 show." Rob says "you have got to be kidding." His response was "That's the way it works." I said, "Not normally when you are 35 it doesn't." So we actually had to go back to the car and get it and they actually checked all our IDs. What I want to know is how many under 21 year olds have even heard of the Psych Furs unless their parents are playing them!?

I am not sure if lots of other people who are close to our age just look really bad, or if the crowd was a lot older, because we actually did look younger than at least 3/4 of the people in there. There were some very strange people in this crowd. When we were looking for a place to park we saw a very large man with white hair, huge earrings and a black trench coat getting out of a cab-he went the wrong direction when he got out of the cab, I sort of thought he looked like he may be going, but then he went to opposite way, maybe he needed to stop somewhere else first-he was there. Bet saw him doing a dance, I missed that. The guy behind us, who was about 5 feet tall, got really annoying toward the end and was just shouting. I doubt he could see over me so good-because he pissed me off. By far my favorite person in attendance was some guy who had this total "I think I am Johnny Depp" thing going on. He had shoulder length, dark curly hair, big black-framed glasses, wearing a black hat, he was going all out. And I so wanted to go over to him and say "yeah, this whole look works for Johnny Depp, because HE'S Johnny Depp." Anyone else, you just look ridiculous. I imagine there are some who would say Johnny Depp looks ridiculous-the fuggers don't like it I know!

Some of the fun at concerts of largely 80s bands is watching to crowd. Rob noted that he thinks it's weird that we never run into anyone we know. I suppose that's true. But no one in high school except my immediate circle of friends was listening to anything that wasn't top 40. I guess 'no one' is an exaggeration, but I can think of about 5 people who may have been listening to what we were listening to. There were people in college but it was Philly, so who knows where they came from and where they moved to after college?!

Oh well. We had fun. And today we went to a family party and I got to harass my brother-in-law for being a big pussy. Next concert is Howard Jones, which I understand from Suzy will be completely mellow. Hey Beth, you guys didn't forget about that did you? Although I know next concert for you is Justin. Did sexy go somewhere? That's all I wanna know.

My Cousin's Asshole Husband

2006-12-26T15:28:00.000-05:00

We always go to dinner at my aunt's house on Christmas. My aunt's house is all on the second floor and my 84 year old grandmother can't go up steps so this year my aunt cooked and took it to her daughter's house. My cousin, Lisa. Lisa and her husband, Wally, are going through a separation, yet again, I won't even get into that. So Lisa's kids were there and her husband was not because they are separating and no one wants to see him. She's moving out in two weeks.

They have four girls. We had dinner at 4:00 I think because my grandmother goes to bed early and so that the girls could be there and then go with Wally, hereafter known as asshole, to his mother's house. At some point or another he called and said he was on his way.

My son was sitting in the playroom watching tv because he has no interest in playing with five girls (including his sister) especially since the cousins are 8, 5, 4 and 3. He comes into the kitchen and says "I think Wally is here." Not sure why he said "I think" because I guess he came in and went in the playroom to look for the girls.

I said I guess he was there to get the girls and I went in the other room to see, Brandon and my husband stayed in the kitchen. So now I am in the living room, my step-father is in there and my daughter. Asshole did not say one word to anyone. Oh wait, he did speak to my grandmother and ask her how she was, I was standing right there and he pretended I wasn't. So anyway, I think he could have at least said something to my 13 year old who was helping the girls get their shoes and coats on. He could have said thank you at least...common courtesy.

Personally, I think if he was going to behave that way, he should have called Lisa when he was on the way and asked her to have the girls ready, then knock on the door and she could just send them out. If you are not going to at least say hello, or Merry Christmas, what with it was Christmas and all, then you should not come in the house. Should I go to his MySpace page and send him a link to here so he can read this and learn about common courtesy?

My Daughter

2006-12-26T15:01:00.000-05:00

I have to rant about my daughter. She is the queen of gross. I don't even know where to start. Since she has been about five, every year at Christmas and in the summer, after her birthday, we would go through all her clothes and toys and do a major cleaning and organizing of her room. Get rid of everything she'd outgrown. Out with the old, in with the new sort of thing. Well, she is now 13. After her last birthday I asked her if we needed to do that, she didn't get a bunch of toys, what she has she's not ready to part with yet, but it hasn't been out in ages. She said we didn't need to do that. I am trying, very hard, to treat her like a teenager instead of like a toddler, so I said ok.

Well, I figured that since she has a ton of new clothes and since every time she has a dress down day at school I send her back to her room to change into something that actually fits, I better get up there and have her go through things with me. I want the clothes that are too small gone so we can not have these fights every time there is a dress down day! So I gave her warning that we were going to do this. I told her to go clean up the mess on the floor.

Oh-and last week we had a conversation about the difference between messy and dirty. I told her she was dirty and it was gross. And I told her that since it is MY house and she's ruining my carpet and making my whole upstairs stink, I do have the right to tell her it's not ok and I do get to decide about those things, even when they are her possessions and it's "her" room.

So I tell her to get all the clothes out of her closet, I don't even want to look in there. All I know is last week she took three bags of trash out of there. Actual trash. Why does a 13 year old have 3 bags of trash in her closet? That was when we had the messy v dirty conversation. She gets the clothes, we go through them. So far, so good.

Then I open one of her dresser drawers, it wasn't awful, we went through it. Next drawer, crammed full of stuff, not folded at all, I am still ok. Then I open the drawer where her socks and underwear are supposed to be. Note I said supposed. There are a few pairs of socks, no underwear at all. Not one pair! Where are this child's underwear!? I don't want to think about it. Also in this drawer are stacks of photos-she has photo albums which are no doubt empty. There is her diary that she is supposed to keep for her counselor, some random papers and about ten candy wrappers. Oh yeah, and a burned out lightbulb. So I have a two year old conversation with her about what we are supposed to do with trash.

Then we get to the nightstand. The nightstand was supposed to be for pajamas and cheerleading/dance/gymnastic stuff and her bathing suits in the summer. She opens the top drawer, it is practically empty, there is one pair of pj pants in there. I just shake my head. Then she tries to open the bottom drawer. It is jammed closed. She gets it open, pulls out all kinds of random clothes, picture frames, and some other crap, I don't even know what.

She moves and when she does it lifts the bedskirt and I see clothes. I then make her pull clothes out from under the bed. There were more clothes shoved under her bed than there were in the closet and three dresser drawers combined. This is when the tirade started. I lit into her about lying to me about putting her clean clothes away. About being dirty and gross. I asked her if her friends did this. She doesn't know. I asked if I should ask them if they do this. No, of course not. Why not? Well, no doubt because they don't and she has to know it's gross and doesn't want her friends to know.

So anyway, she tells me it is clean clothes, that's nice. I already don't fold or put her things away because of this nonsense. The only reason she gets her wash done at all at this point is because I don't want her touching my $1100 washing machine. She breaks everything! In addition to the clean clothes, she pulls out two pairs of pajama bottoms that she had "girl accidents" in. I was just like "you are totally gross". So we threw those out because that's hard enough to wash out anyway, let alone after its been sitting and is all dried in and everything. I told her (again) that when that happens you have to wash it in cold water and put it in the laundry. Maybe this is why she has no panties. May she just threw them all away. I am baffled.

After about an hour I had enough and I assigned her two jobs to finish, one being to match up all the socks she pulled from under her bed and put them away since she says they are clean. Believe me, I don't want to be washing all that stuff-it would be at least two loads of laundry. Then I remembered a large rubbermaid container she has in her room that is for storing stuffed animals in. There are so many stuffed animals on her bed right now that there is barely room for her. And it's a full sized bed. So I went up and said "what's in that box?" Her response, as usually "I don't know". She opened it...clothes. As if you didn't already know that! We'll tackle that tomorrow.

She's a nightmare. From now on she's hanging and folding in the laundry room and I'll watch her put her stuff away. I reminded her that the reason I wasn't doing that was that I was letting her show me she was more responsible and maturing. Yeah, not so much.

I guess that's all for my rant!

Favorite Songs

2006-12-24T12:19:00.000-05:00

When I was Christmas shopping with Beth, we were in Sharper Image and there was a song playing whose lyrics I recognized and after a minute I figured out that it was Blue Monday. I said to Beth "Listen, awful, annoying remake of Blue Monday" or something along those lines. I'd like to point out I am NOT a fan of remade New Order songs...ever. Every one I have heard sucks, imho. She said something along the lines of "Oh yeah, I couldn't place that." And I said, "It's one of my favorite songs of all time." Her response was "Really?" with complete surprise.

Since that seemed to surprise one of my best and oldest (oldest meaning longest amount of time) friends, and since she is the only one who ever reads this unless someone else is sent here to look at pictures of my awesome Duran Duran purse, I'd like to make a list of my all time favorite songs just for future reference. What this means is, songs that I think "I really need to hear {this song} right now", songs I will listen to, no matter how many times I have already heard them, and I have never been sick of them. In no particular order other than I'll start with my favorite bands first...

Careless Memories...Duran Duran
Come Undone...Duran Duran
Save a Prayer...Duran Duran (yes, really...not sick of it)
Blasphemous Rumours...Depeche Mode
Personal Jesus...Depeche Mode
Just Can't Get Enough...Depeche Mode
Edge of Heaven...Wham!
Father Figure...George Michael
Blue Monday...New Order
Bizarre Love Triangle...New Order
Head Like a Hole...Nine Inch Nails
The Only Time...Nine Inch Nails
Kinda I Want To...Nine Inch Nails
How Soon is Now?...The Smiths
Hit...The Sugarcubes
You Oughtta Know...Allanis Morrissette
How Beautiful You Are...The Cure
Icing Sugar...The Cure
Push...The Cure
Ball of Confusion...Love and Rockets
Troy...Sinead O'Connor
I Will Follow...U2
Dancing Barefoot...U2
What's the Story Morning Glory?...Oasis
Cornflake Girl...Tori Amos
Precious Things...Tori Amos
Jane Says...Jane's Addiction
Cruel Summer...Bananarama
Desperate But Not Serious...Adam Ant
The One Thing...INXS

Nothing after 1999 because that's too recent to be an all-time favorite, I could still get sick of it. That seems like enough, it's all that has easily popped into my head, now I'd just be thinking about it too much. I kept with only three per any one band. But I feel I need to add Do You Believe in Shame and Palomino...also Duran Duran. But five from my all time favorite band seems reasonable anyway.

Next time I'll do movies.

As a P.S. I am not sure whether that remake of Blue Monday or the remake we heard of Come Undone last year in Sephora, also while Christmas shopping, was worse. I think maybe the Come Undone remake because it took me a lot longer to figure out what it was. ::shudder::

Merry Christmas!

More Annoying Things About My Job

2006-12-22T19:50:00.000-05:00

So at my job that I love so much I get 12 sick days and 5 personal days per year. If those days are not used they accumulate, forever. When you retire the school district pays you for the days, but only up to 100 and the last I heard it was $50 per day, nevermind that it costs them $80 a day for a substitute if you do use them. But that's a different rant.

So, as of the last statement I have 65 days, this is my 9th year. Last year I used, if I recall correctly 42 for an extended sick leave when I was in a car accident and messed up my knee. So, I did all the math earlier today and basically what this means is that I have averaged 6 days per school year. So, when Brandon ran away on November 13, I took a personal day. Well, according to our contract, I am "not allowed" to take a personal day that day because the two school days immediately prior we had off. So now I have to "provide documentation" that I really had an emergency. It is so annoying and ridiculous. The best part of the whole thing, is that if I had not been upset and had been thinking clearly, I could have just called out sick and they wouldn't be bothering me about this. What I am saying is, they have the system set up so that I would be better off to have lied about the reason I wasn't there. Totally stupid.

Today, with our paycheck, we get a letter that says if you are taking a medical leave of absence, you need to provide ten days notice. Huh? Under what circumstances are most people able to provide ten days notice that they are going to need a medical leave? I can think of 2, pregnancy and scheduled surgery. I think I have never received any notice so ridiculous in all my life.

As if this school district doesn't have enough trouble keeping people already, they need to give us even more reason to want to go elsewhere. I can retire after next year. Have I mentioned that? Time to start looking into my next career move.

Almost forgot

2006-12-05T19:49:00.002-05:00

I also took more pictures of my leaves. Fun! There is my cat on the deck and the other picture is actually the pool. Can you see the cover??

Photos

2006-12-05T19:46:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when you leave an 11 year old and a 13 year old home alone from school when they have a day off and you don't The children got bored and went crazy with the digital camera. These beauties are going with the Christmas cards.

Enjoy!

So it's been a month

2006-12-05T19:35:00.000-05:00

but I have good reason. The only people who read this blog entered the Nanowrimo write a novel in a month challenge which inspired me to do the same. So I spent all of my writing time in November doing that. I actually did it too! I have little icons I can post here that verify that-but that would actually involve me figuring out how to do that and I don't want to. I am not really all that big on reading directions on getting anything done on a computer.

I also did not have the best month ever personally. My son ran away and we have been dealing with him and all his "issues". I am not sure how an 11 year old can be that depressed. I am however, completely willing to blame it all on his biological parents. So we have to get him a psychiatrist appointment to rule out bi-polar disorder, which bio-mom has so we may not be ruling it out. I am about talked out on him though.

Work sucks as usual. I have decided I am just bored out of my mind there. You can't really be all that enthusiastic about teaching when you are bored yourself! I told my assistant today, if I wait out my ten years until the pension vests, that means as of today I have 305 days left. But who's counting? I have to work out how to use up my 60+ sick days.

I am working on my Christmas cards. Last year I never sent them because I was in a car accident on December 15 and I hadn't gotten them done prior to that since I was working on my thesis. I guess I have to do it this year. The envelopes are addressed. I have to print out the pictures for the cards. I'll post those. They are a little bit odd but my sister-in-law who is just about my best friend thinks I should go ahead and send them. My kids are weird. Trying to get pictures of an 11 year old boy and a 13 year old girl is a lot of fun anyway.

So that's the update. Nothing exciting.

Leaves

2006-11-05T22:49:00.000-05:00

Just want you to see my leaves. This is what we did for a few hours today. This is round one of just the front yard.

Duran Duran Show

2006-11-05T22:22:00.000-05:00

So on Friday I went to see Duran Duran at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. Lisa and I were wandering around the casino floor so she could smoke. The House of Blue is upstairs so we were heading upstairs. I stepped onto the escalator and saw, coming down the other side, John Taylor and Nick Rhose, I turned around to look at Lisa and then I looked back at them. I was in total shock! Lisa then yells at me for not getting off the escalator when I still had the chance! So I yelled back at her for not pulling me off when I couldn't think straight while staring at John Taylor. There wasn't actual yelling, of course. We got to the top and went right back down but it's a long escalator and I know John knew I recognized him so they were long gone when we got back down there. When we were about halfway up I saw Nick look behind him, seemed like he was checking to see if anyone was back there. I don't know how they walked past all the people we saw standing upstairs. The only reason to be up there is going to the show, and none of them seemed like John and Nick had just walked by. The whole thing was sorta weird.

Hard to believe that two adult women with children are still rendered speechless at the sight of pop stars. Completely ridiculous I admit.

I thought the show was great but the crowd was really strange. There was some guy behind Lisa and I that was complaining about stuff before the show even started. The show was supposed to start at 9, there were road crew on the stage messing with stuff and he was pitching a fit. Like Duran ever comes on before 9:30. Whatever. Then he was complaining about the sound. Between every song we could hear him bitching about something. Beth came to get us when the poor decision to perform House of the Rising Sun was made. I don't get that choice but whatever.

The crowd in the area where everyone else was was no better than the original location where Lisa and I were. A bunch of drunk women who clearly don't get out much. Neither do Lisa and I but Lisa no longer drinks and I can hold my liquor way better than they can-not that I was drinking either! There was some guy who Lisa said smelled real bad-I didn't get close enough after she said that. But he was ramming his tongue down some chick's throat and the whole thing was really gross.

Anyway, they played My Own Way which was really cool! Heather made a comment that there was really no talking about our favorite parts and all after the show. Which is just another part of the strangeness. So I'll do that now. Since the only person who reads this was there and is who I would have been talking about it with anyway! Hi Beth. ;-> What else was cool, Hold Back the Rain, but since they did that the whole last tour, I am sort of over that being really cool, it's cool because it's a good song, but no longer like "Wow they're playing Hold Back the Rain." I thought Some Like it Hot was really awesome. The Internet makes it possible to ruin any surprises whatsoever and I had looked up set lists so I wasn't surprised by hearing those songs. But it was still really cool. I think since there is a fill in guitar player (since 'someone' left again) makes it less likely that there will be changes in the set list from one show to the next.

I didn't really like the changes to Serious, but it was a cool song. Electric Barbarella was a lot of fun. The end of the show could stand to be mixed up a little. Girls on Film and Rio...yeah, we know. And I realized on Saturday that they didn't do Careless Memories, first time ever I didn't hear them do that. My favorite song.

Hopefully the new album will come out soon and we can all go see them again. Heather said it was a weird show and she was really distracted, I agree with that. She wants a 'do over'. I do too, but more because I like going to see them! Maybe one day I will actually see John and say hello instead of just staring at him like I am an idiot!

I Hate Fall

2006-10-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

I am in a mood. I have nothing really to say. Just feel like complaining. The time change sucks. Everyone is all out of whack. The weather is crazy.

Work is the usual. However, I found out that another 'specials' teacher has been pulled from her stupid reading buddy day to substitute in classrooms a few times. She came to ask me if I had been pulled a lot. I said no, the real answer is not at all but she doesn't need to know that. Then I found out from one of the classroom teachers that she never shows up for her reading buddies-so maybe that's why the principal pulls her and not me. I am actually doing what I am supposed to be doing. I'd like to know what she is doing with the 80 minutes a week she's not showing up for the one teacher who told me about it. And if she's not showing up for her, she's probably not showing up for anyone else...so what's she doing for three days a week? None of my business I suppose.

All of us got notices that we'll be covering for teachers at some point in the upcoming week while they are at workshops. It's so ridiculous. They were told to call in no sub needed and we have to cover. So several of the specials teachers are calling out sick. However, since my day is Monday and I am calling out Friday so that I can hang out with Stacy who is visiting from Florida and going to see Duran Duran with my Duranie friends...I am not going to turn around and call out again Monday. I figure I'll cause enough trouble calling out Friday to make up for it. There is always a problem with subs on Fridays and since there may be other people calling out to make their point, there could be no one for me, and since I actually have classes Friday, she'll have to do something about it. The art teacher was advised not to call out since she is non-tenured. The whole thing is stupid and has been brought up with the union, but they never do anything about our ridiculous schedules so I have no reason to think it will be any different this time.

I know I am totally in the midst of my PMS because I am so miserable I am sitting here thinking (and you must say this with a whine) "I don't feel like going to a concert Friday." Dammit! I am going to be completely pissed when I get my period on Friday. Totally is a curse. Blegh. I am going to go watch tv for a while. Something completely mindless.

Belly Dancing

2006-10-14T16:40:00.000-05:00

As I posted earlier, I had a few bad days this week. For whatever reason I was miserable. Well, last week I had talked to Lisa about going to a belly dancing class at this place near where she lives. We decided last week that we were going to go. I am glad that I did. I was definitely cheered up and feeling better after that. Although, Lisa thinks I should go on medication, I think that’s just so she won’t be the only one on meds!

Anyway, it was a lot of fun. There were about nine of us there altogether, one of the women has been going for three weeks and the rest have been going for a while. They have this whole routine and everything that they were trying to teach us. Everyone said we were doing fine, we don’t really care, it was pretty funny. The woman who was there for her third time said that we were doing much better than she did her first time. We decided to join and go on Fridays, Lisa asked me earlier today if I wanted to go on Monday too. I would like to, but it’s a half hour away so we’ll have to see if I feel like driving that much.

We got scarves to wear around our waists that have beading and coins that jingle. I think we were not shaking hard enough because everyone else had beads and coins flying off but Lisa and I didn’t. In addition to the regular dance, they have a veil dance that we were working on. The veils are 9 feet long. We were doing that and Lisa got tangled up in her veil and almost fell. That was pretty funny.

In case any of my friends are still checking in to see what I am writing here, Lisa wants to buy some waist scarves and wear them to the Duran Duran concert next month. Consider yourselves warned!

Work

2006-10-11T08:09:00.000-05:00

So for some reason I am suddenly bummed out this morning. If I try to discuss this with my husband than he gets upset so I will leave him alone. Brandon drives me crazy every morning, what else is new? He is the most miserable child I have ever met. I don't think that helps my mood any. This morning I got "I have decided I no longer live here". and when he got dropped off at school and I said have a nice day "you know I am not going to enjoy it." Uh-huh. Then he proceeded to walk into the building like he was walking to the electric chair. I just kept smiling at him and waving until he did finally have no choice but to smile because I was being so ridiculous.

So, I was fine but then as soon as I pulled in the driveway here I just felt like "bleh". Earlier I said that my schedule this year wasn't so bad. Well, on paper I guess it's not but in reality it sucks. I just cannot beleive that the board of education or the taxpayers in this district can possibly be aware that for three out of every seven days I am simply a glorified babysitter. Well, one of those three days I have two classes-80 minutes. The rest of the day, babysitting. I did not go back to school and do all that work, with a family, to get a master's degree and babysit. Why don't I just open a home day care center.

I guess it is time for me to get serious about looking for a new job. Although I am extremely practical and the fact is that ten years vests your pension and this is my ninth. I don't know if I want to continue in the public schools at all, so why should I move to a new school for one year? Then again, maybe I'd like it better in another district or another grade level. I just don't know what to do. I do know that I have to work for 340 more days for my pension to vest. Who's counting? And that is not even a whole year.

Oh well. I think I am just feeling way to sorry for myself right now. So I better not go on.

Oops!

2006-10-05T15:37:00.000-05:00

LatelyI have been spamming my friends which is what I was not supposed to be doing. So I guess I should remember to come here instead.

Family Reunion

2006-09-19T20:49:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I went to Painter, Virginia for a 75^th birthday party/family reunion. The party was for my grandmother’s cousin. Painter is on the Eastern Shore of Virginia for anyone who has never heard of it, which I am pretty sure, would be just about everyone. The party was at one of the honoree’s daughter’s houses which is on a creek-which my husband, who is from the Eastern Shore of Maryland, informed me is actually called a “gut”. Whatever that is.

The weather was horrendous and we drove the entire four hours in rain which varied from mist to absolute downpour. Thankfully they had planned ahead and got a large tent for the party, just in case. The weather unfortunately ruined plans for boat rides and most of the outdoor games. Even when it was not raining, just about the only people brave enough to venture from under the tents were the children. Who were all wet and muddy and I am glad the party was not at my house! But this is why I have decided to not have large parties ever again!

So it may seem odd that I would travel all that way for a party for my grandmother’s cousin. My husband was rather unclear on why we were going down there. Actually, when I was growing up, I was rather close with one of my (third) cousins from this extended part of the family. Her name is Tisha. So it was all very cute, Tisha and Tricia.

Tisha is two years younger than I am and we wrote to each other all through high school. I had a few other pen pals, including my cousin who had been tragically moved away to Florida when we were 9 and 7 and some people who I got as pen pals by putting an ad in a magazine, but that’s a different story. The night before we went to Virginia, I tried to remember when Tisha and I had stopped writing. I know that I wrote less to my pen pals once I went to college, but I always kept Sue, one of the magazine pals who had become one of my best friends in the world; and I always wrote to Stacy, my other cousin-except when we were fighting. But I have no idea when Tisha and I stopped writing. I don’t know if it happened when she went to college or when I went to college.

But, since we are cousins, we are now all caught up. It seemed very strange to me that I had not seen or spoken to her in almost 20 years, and as soon as I got there, we looked at each other and both said “you haven’t changed at all”. I was very afraid I wouldn’t recognize her-people I went to high school with and saw every day for 4 years I don’t recognize. In the grand scheme of things, I didn’t ever see Tisha that much-but there she was and I knew it was her. She is married and has three sons. She only lives about two hours from me, according to her, although I have mapquested it and they disagree. (And yes, I think I just invented a word.)

Overall it was a very nice trip and I am happy we went. Tisha’s oldest sons and Brandon played all day long, badminton, in the rain, and were bummed that they aren’t able to just stop by and play video games. We stayed in a hotel close by and went back Sunday morning for breakfast. We traveled a long way to visit and they wanted to visit with us as much as we could.

Hopefully, we will be able to get back in touch and not have 20 years between the next time we see each other.

Well, it is getting late so I better go get some sleep. I don’t want to wind up catching whatever my husband has; apparently it is a terrible illness. ;->

Men are Babies

2006-09-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

Why are men such babies when they are sick? My husband has cold symptoms. You would think he is dying. This started last night, he was complaining about it. So today it is worse. Don't get me wrong, I am not denying that he has these symptoms, but it's a cold. So he has to go get some Nyquil, also fine. But then he decides he has to take it at 7:00. So while my kids' music teacher is still here, he goes upstairs and falls asleep. When I send Brandon in to say goodnight, apparently it is too much trouble to say goodnight to him. Brandon comes back and tells me "daddy wouldn't even give me a hug." I can assure you that I have never been that sick, nor do I think he is. I am just annoyed because now Brandon is going to be extra miserable in the morning and I am the one who gets to deal with it!

There...it's done

2006-08-31T20:53:00.000-05:00

I knew the link for Viv Pickle. I didn't know how to edit the links, that was the issue. So, I had my husband help me with that and now I know how to edit links. So, there is a link to Viv Pickle, and to my other blog.

Making me learn how to do stuff when I have to go back to work in five days. **sulking**

WHERE ARE MY PICTURES???

2006-08-31T09:17:00.000-05:00

This site drives me crazy!!!!! Yay...there they are.

Best Birthday Present Ever

2006-08-30T15:02:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to do this...I forgot. Actually, I am trying to change to my other blog but I haven't figured stuff out on there yet. At any rate.

My friend Beth, who is the awesome-est friend ever (ask her other friends too, they'll agree) gave me the best birthday present ever last week. My husband is even upset about it because "that's the most thoughtful thing he has ever heard of." Requires some backstory:

Beth and I became friends in 9th grade because we had Latin class together. At some point that year or the following, my memory sucks, ask her, we became best friends because of our mutual love of all things Duran Duran. As was required of all Duran Duran friendships, her favorite was Simon and mine was John. You couldn't be best friends with someone who had the same favorite, of course. All Duranies know this. In 10th grade (1985) we even went to England with the school trip.

For my birthday, Beth had a personalized purse made for me with the Duran Duran theme. If I could figure out how to edit the links-I have read the directions and I do NOT find the code it says I will see to edit links- I would post the link to the Viv Pickle site where you can find out for yourself about how to get your own personalized purses. But I can't figure it out because I am fairly computer illiterate and I just don't care all that much about it. But not only did she come up with this idea to have the purse made, she sacrificed her own concert t-shirt and a scarf that she bought on the trip to England so that I could have this purse. The t-shirt was from the time when Roger Taylor was not in the band and since I also love him, she gave up the scarf so there would be a picture of him.

Now, I ask, how cool is that? And since Beth is the only one who reads this blog and comments on it, you can now comment about how cool and wonderful you are! So here are the pictures, as promised, outside, the inside flap and the inside lining. Feel free to tell whoever you want to see them to check them out.

Pictures from the Flameworking

2006-08-28T15:59:00.000-05:00

It's really hard to take pictures of glass. Without a flash you can't see anything, but the flash reflects off the glass. Go figure. The coolest thing I made was this chain. I have to work on the other picture.

Flameworking

2006-08-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

So I signed up for a three day course in flameworking because when I see people doing it I think "that looks cool". Yesterday was day one. It is freaking hard! The booklet said "beginner to intermediate" and when I called I said "so, if I have never done this before, this is ok?" and they said yes. Naturally, there are no other beginners in the class. AND one woman in there has beads in the same book that the instructor has items in. Does she belong in a beginner class? I think not. But that's another story.

The course is at Salem Community College the instructor's name is Sally Prasch. She is amazing. Very nice and helpful. She is just a guest instructor there sometimes.

She decided to start out with the hard stuff first because then the easier stuff is really easy. We received borosilicate tubes, which is hard glass which we were supposed to pull points onto the ends of and make into clear beads. Uh-huh...that didn't happen. My very first attempt I was not turning my hands the same direction so I have a very cool twisty thingie, very cool, not what we were supposed to do. So that was eventually turned into a hanging ornament.

Next, we were supposed to make some little vases and put color on them. I somehow blew the wrong end up. However, with some help, I did manage to get a vase, with color on it. It's got a rather interesting shape to it. All in all from the attempts at hollow beads I have three hanging ornament things...and the vase.

The she showed us how to do some stuff with solid tubing. That seemed a little easier. Since the class was from 8 am to 5 pm, at some point or another I gave up on the hollow beads and such and decided to make a chain out of the solid tubing. When I left last night I had two links completed and the loop started to join the links onto.

So today Sally started by showing us how to make beads with soft glass. The so-called "easy stuff" I heard about yesterday. Yeah, not so much. The problem is that the hard glass you can pretty much not know what you are doing and things turn out ok. Stop working with it, go back to it, no problem. So, there I am, working on my nice soft glass bead, it's looking pretty good and then pop it explodes. Super. You have to keep it hot the whole time. Good to know. So I try again. There is a fine line in the keeping it hot. My next attempt I kept hot, and my lovely color decorations melted right into it. I think I may have gotten it and I may have made three decent beads. I'll see tomorrow when I go back and get them from the oven. But I decided, all in all, soft glass is a pain in the ass.

I went back to the chain. Sally helped me join the two links. It's hard to do because you can only get the one you want to bend hot or else you won't have linked chains, you'll have joined, which is not what I wanted. So then I made two links all on my own, got them linked together with a tiny bit of help and it went really great. So I had two chains of three and I linked them together with another link totally by myself. Then we had a break for dinner. I was going to add three more links but horrible stuff was happening! It was like had no idea what I was doing. I was terribly upset because I had done three really quickly! One of them was all kinds of deformed. I decided it was late and I had had enough of that.

Finally, yesterday and again this morning, Sally showed us how to make "end of the day pendants" using all the scaps you have left over. So I made two of those. It's sort of hard to tell for sure what they'll look like because the color does weird stuff and doesn't show so much until after it's fired. They both looked pretty good though.

So tomorrow it's only from 9-3, which should go fast since I was there 9-8 today and I could not believe it when it was 8! If my pendants look good I think I will stick with that. Give everyone pendants for Christmas! ;->