Sunday, August 26, 2007

Promises, Promises

No vacation photos...obviously. I have no idea how to do that with this new MAC and I am not in the mood to figure it out so I am just not going to do it. I just tried one thing and that wasn't it so, not happening. Lazy, I know.

Nothing much has been going on. Well, nothing I want to put out for the whole world to see anyway. Not that anyone looks except people who already know anyway! So I don't need to type it out anyway.

Summer flew by, as usual. I had all this stuff I wanted to accomplish and got nothing done, as usual. At least this year I feel like I have some reason for not getting things done, unlike last year when it was just 100% lazy slacker. I did work for most of July, just about every day I wasn't away somewhere. I also took my kids to more doctor and dentist appointments than I care to think about. And we have another one next week. Plus all the counseling sessions. Then there was the mess I made and had to clean up. I feel like right now I could get something done, so I am going to try to paint my room this last week of summer. We'll see, I have counseling tomorrow in the middle of the day and Aly has another dentist appointment Tuesday. Story of my life it seems!

Lisa has stayed her a couple of times but not during the past week. The last time she was here she was trying to convince me to run away with her. That's not exactly something I should be around right now. I told Kate that I want to help her but I don't know how-other than saying no to running away- she thinks that Lisa needs a partial care program and she gave me numbers and stuff, I am supposed to go help Lisa make those calls, well, I told her about it and said I would and have not talked to her since. I think she's mad because I won't go out with her. I told Stacy that Lisa doesn't seem to get that right now my marriage is my first priority and maybe if she "got that" she would still be married. She has never learned that sometimes you can't put yourself first. I am not sure I have learned it 100% but most of the time I can do what I need to do. I sure don't need her being a negative influence on me right now.

I am not looking forward to back to school. I know the drama is going to start immediately. Brandon has to finish his summer reading, the reading part isn't the problem, it's the writing he has to do along with it. He has about ten days to get it done and I just do NOT want to deal with it. Aly has hers to do too and I am not sure she is actually reading Harry Potter 7-which is what she picked off the list-and she has to complete some sort of project too. However, with her, I know that she will at least get the project done on her own and I won't have to sit there and we won't be yelling about it.

Like I said, not much going on. Maybe I'l try to figure out this picture thing...then again, maybe I won't.

I see spellcheck is not working again. So-whatever on the typos.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

As Promised

Yeah, not a song title I know...but I don't feel like thinking of one. This could take a while, I am not sure whether to give the long version or the short version. I think I will go with the short version and tell those who are interested the long version when I see them. Besides, some of the long version I really shouldn't post on the Internet as it is not my story. The short version, Lisa story.

As you know, Lisa took off to Seattle with some guy. She came back a couple weeks ago, well I guess around July 20 or so. She is now divorced, Wally had that put through while she was gone, then he posted the papers on MySpace because he is a jackass, but she yelled at him and he took them down. That's how she found out they were divorced, on MySpace. He's so classy. So I talked to her and she came up here on Sunday, the 22nd. We were supposed to go out on Saturday but then she didn't call me back. I was mad but she called and apologized Sunday morning so I got over it. She wanted to come up because she needed to get out of her parents house for a while so I said whatever, it would give me a chance to talk to her and find out what had been going on.

So she told me all about her trip to Seattle, she went with this guy, he is bi-polar, things were great but then he had an episode and it all went crazy. She is totally in love with him. She's upset because his family won't help him unless he takes his meds, which he won't. I tried to explain to her that you can't help unmedicated bi-polar people, and his family has been dealing with this for a long time and knows that and what he needs to is be on the meds he is supposed to be on. I think she accepts that to some extent but she is worried about him because she thinks it is his fault he is now out there all alone. She thinks he was doing well and had the episode once they got there. I think he was having a manic episode which is what made him decide it was a great idea to take off to Seattle with some girl he just met. Anyway...I understand why she feels guilty about it and I feel bad for her about everything that happened with him.

As far as anyone knows, she was homeless. I have a hard time believing that but it sounds like she was basically staying at a 24 hour diner during the night and then sleeping outside somewhere during the day, Which is a little more believable than she was out on the streets all night. But she told me enough other stuff that she says she is only telling me, that I don't know why she wouldn't tell me the truth about that. The last few days she was there she was staying with some guy who said she could crash at his place and she cleaned and did that kind of junk to earn her keep. She told me he said he didn't want her to leave because the apartment has never been so clean.

She now has no health insurance and owes her doctor a whole bunch of money. The medication she is supposed to be on, you have to get the prescription written every month, The doctor wont write it for her because she owes her money. So she has no anxiety medication that she is supposde to take and is taking only 1/3 of the dosage of the anti-depressant she is supposed to be taking. This is a woman who tried to kill herself three months ago. While she was staying here she did get an appointment at the guidance center because you can go there and get medication and therapy without insurance. I think it's a sliding scale, and since she has no income, she should be fine.

So she was here on Sunday night and we talked for a long time and then she cried for a long time. No one understands why I am not mad at her but I am not. She is afraid of being alone and she has abandonment issues, I think she wants someone to love her unconditionally and right now she does not have that. So I am just trying to listen and not judge and help her how I can without being an enabler. She is a mess and she feels really bad about the girls and she doesn't need anyone to tell her she's a horrible person. She already feels that way and other people saying it don't help. She is afraid to be around the girls because she feels like she is so messed up she is going to have a negative impact on them and she doesn't want that. I also understand that. No one else gets that at all, but I know that a few months ago I probably shouldn't have been around my kids. Yes, she needs to get help so that she can be healthy and be a mom, but she doesn't know how to do that right now. She was in a mental hospital for a week, actually three different times, she has been in and out of therapy for 19 years and she doesn't think anything has changed or gotten better. I told her that until she gets her medication right I don't think she can do anything about it.

So Sunday night she cried and just wanted me to hug her. Which I did. Then she asked on Monday if she could stay. So I told her she could but she had to go get her license. She stayed Monday and Tuesday night, we got her license taken care of. That was her first issue, that she can't drive because her license expired while she was in Seattle so she can't get a job because she has no ay to get there. Now, whether I agree with that or not, because she has no car either, the point was, if that was the excuse, it is now gone. I took her back to her mom's on Wednesday. I know she does not want to stay there, but she can't stay here because Rob is not all that happy about the whole situation.

However, since Rob and I have been getting along extremely well for the past month or so, he does not want to argue about Lisa. So he said she could stay, but I have to respect that he lives here too.

I talked to Lisa a few more times, I am trying to check on her and let her know that I love her and I am here for her. Sometimes I call her and she cries and sounds like she is a mess the whole time we talk. When I called her the other day when I was in South Carolina, she sounded pretty good and she thinks she has a job so that is a step in the right direction.

She needs to stay away from Wally, which for some reason is hard when she is here. I don't know why because he is a major asshole. I think if the boy came back from Seattle she could stop feeling guilty about that, but there is no way anyone can really make that happen unless he gets the help he needs out there. She called me yesterday and wanted me to go out with her last night but I really didn't feel like it. We had just gotten back from vacation late Friday and I was not up for it. It turned out to be a good thing I didn't go but that is a whole other story I am not getting into right now. I called today to check on her but there was no answer.

So, we'll see what happens next. And that, believe it or not, is the short version. As I said, I can fill in a few more details when I see you guys.

Sometimes spellcheck decides not to work...this is one of those times. And I don't feel like proofreading, so whatever.